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well I am not succeeding....

Old 02-08-2010, 06:54 PM
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well I am not succeeding....

Hey Friends
Thought I would touch base....
I can't seem to quit drinking. I did last year for a few monthes, detox etc..... I have slowed considerably (very considerably), but my work and traveling is triggering me big time. Working 7 days a week- 12hrs on weekdays 6-7hrs on weekends (I do love my work most of the time). I don't even get an alcohol buzz when I drink now. I just do it from habit - or addiction or whatever is going on.

Not asking for sympathy or anything, just an update. I get a lot from this site and just throwing this out there. What the crap. I did however start my hard workout routine again and that makes me feel good, but that's not the entire solution....have a great evening.
Dub
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Old 02-08-2010, 06:57 PM
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I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink before I could get and stay sober. I hope you can stop drinking before something really bad happens. Have you thought about taking a week off work and detoxing with medical help? Might be just what you need.
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Old 02-08-2010, 07:01 PM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink before I could get and stay sober. I hope you can stop drinking before something really bad happens. Have you thought about taking a week off work and detoxing with medical help? Might be just what you need.
Yes Least- that is what I need. I can't find that window of time right now with my work. My plan is to take a week vacation- when I find the time....probably April sometime, and detox and get back on track. My first detox last year went great (except the first two days) and I honestly didnt even want to drink. Just fell off and got back into the routine.
Thanks
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Old 02-08-2010, 07:04 PM
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Hi Dub,

It's good to see you back!
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Old 02-08-2010, 07:10 PM
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Hi Dub

Over 20 years, I found if I didn't make my recovery my number 1 priority, I lost everything else anyway.

I needed to make changes.
D
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Old 02-08-2010, 07:25 PM
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(((dubs)))

I worry for you. If you can, see about taking some time as soon as possible for detox. Too many bad things can happen between now and then. If AA isn't working for you, have you considered other programs?

Hang in there, my friend!

Much love,

Lenina
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Old 02-08-2010, 07:49 PM
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DeDubya your avatar reminds me, I saw Crazy Heart on Saturday night. See it if you can! Jeff Bridges is awesome and it's a great help to those of us trying to stay sober. It shows the progressive path so many of us take, very scary.

I was craving wine the other evening so badly I could barely contain myself! So I just drove into a sub shop and bought a big diet coke which I hardly ever drink and I drank it down fast and it made me full and gassy.

The wine craving subsided. I kept thinking "just for today I won't drink." And I didn't. So it really is one day at a time!

Hang in there!
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Old 02-08-2010, 08:37 PM
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thanks Soph
Yes- you could say I saw Crazy Heart. Great movie. The end was pretty cool and a bit unexpected. Thanks- I am hanging in there.
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Old 02-08-2010, 08:46 PM
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Are you stayin' away from the other stuff?
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Old 02-08-2010, 11:31 PM
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When I first realized I had a problem with crack cocaine (back in September of 08), that I was not in control of using, but rather using was in control of me, I made every excuse in the world.
Work got in the way.
Boyfriend got in the way (he smoked crack too!).
Getting away from boyfriend got in the way.
Finding a place to live got in the way.
Being afraid of NA got in the way.
Mom in the hospital got in the way.
Being with new boyfriend got in the way.
Work still got in the way.
Life got in the way.
It wasn't until I quit the job I was about to lose (in a LONG line of jobs I'd lost due to my crack habit), went to those darned scary meetings, and put the boyfriend, helping others (and I am a big helper!), and everything else aside, did I get and stay clean. I hope to never forget where I came from and not ever allow things to get in the way of my recovery again. It's me first, just like when I used, only a clean me CAN and DOES help people and I am more productive than ever. Starting school on the 24th!
Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
Stop the madness, Dub. Everytime you pick up, you're saying "screw you" to work anyway. Hate to be hard on you, but you're either going to have to balance work and recovery or quit that job and get to cracking on your recovery, or risk losing it all because you wanted to wait for a vacation.
I really care about you (and all my friends at SR), so please don't take it hard. I just really want to help and more than anything I want you to be clean and sober, for you! You are so worth it man. SO VERY VERY worth it!
Keep trying, but shake it up and try some different things. Trying to work and get clean isn't doing it. Something gotta give. Before you don't get another chance to try again. :ghug3
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Old 02-09-2010, 05:04 AM
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dedubya I know you were going to AA meetings for a bit, I can attest that working a program and not trying to do it my way is what has worked for me & the majority of other folks in recovery for more then a couple of months.

Have you ever considered WORKING a long term program of recovery?

dedubya I can only tell you what WORKING the AA program is, that is my experience.

In AA going to meetings is actually only PART of one of the 12 steps in AA, step 12:

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
I have bolded the part of step 12 that meetings are about, that is it! There are 12 steps in the program of AA, the fellowship of AA is NOT the program of AA.

WORKING the program of AA for me & others that I know who have & do WORK the program of AA involves:

1. Having a sponsor.
2. Taking the 12 steps with my sponsor.
3. Practicing those principles in all my affairs daily to the best of my ability.
4. Carrying the message I gained from the steps to fellow alcoholics both in & out of meetings. (The outside of meetings is carrying the message to those seeking help only)

The above is but a part of WORKING the program of AA, it is how I & millions of others have recovered from a hopeless state of mind & body.

dedubya if you do not feel up to WORKING the AA program that is cool, find another long term recovery program and WORK it!

I do not care what the program is, SMART, AA, or what ever, I can assure you that if you only work the parts that you feel like working the odds are tremendously decreased that any program is going to WORK!

I know for me & every one else I know with over a year clean & sober, we have had to KEEP our recovery our #1 priority EVERY day.

dedubya I pray that you do embrace some long term recovery program soon and that you make staying clean and sober your #1 priority in your life before the "YETs" start happening.
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Old 02-09-2010, 07:14 AM
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And going on from what Tazman53 has said, I want to add "half measures availed us nothing, we stood at the turning point........." Dub, it's like you're at that turning point and having one foot in the door and the other outside the door.

Please know I'm not slamming you. I've been there but until I really put myself into working the steps and learning the "tools" I needed to stay sober how I worked it wasn't working.

I also know that when I was drinking and it wasn't giving me a "buzz" it's because I needed to drink in order to function, not have the shakes and be sick. I hope that's not where you're at.

I hope things don't get worse for you before they get better. I think it's great that you're getting exercise, but I did that too and it also didn't keep me sober. Just a thought.
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Old 02-09-2010, 11:28 AM
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Why do you want to quit Dub?

Ask yourself if you truly want to quit. If the answer is categorically that you want to quit then you will quit and do everything in your power to stay stopped ( if that involves handing your own will over to a higher power then so be it!)

You gotta actually want to quit though and be willing to do whatever it takes to stay quit. The notion that you can dip your toe still with a few here and there like all the others has to be smashed... total acceptance that you're an alcoholic and that you cannot drink period. Full Stop. The same goes for any other drugs too Imo.

For me I'm also an alkie who loved drugs too but I also know I'm an addict so I do everything in my life and live my life so that I stay away from that first drink/drug every day. Has to be NO1 priority or I would drink/drug again eventually.

Peace and Love dude. x
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Old 02-09-2010, 07:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Mark75 View Post
Are you stayin' away from the other stuff?
Oh yes- thanks for asking. I am actually an inch away from completely sober at least I think so- but it's like that inch is really eluding....
Dub
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Old 02-09-2010, 08:01 PM
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Hey Friends-
thanks for the responses. you guys always motivate and educate me. I continue to fight this- and honestly I have made a lot of positive movement toward sobriety. To those that stated, very accurately, that I have to totally quit...I know that. And I will get there, and was there and it was awesome to be free of the chains this disease will put you in.
Love and Peace
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Old 02-10-2010, 06:44 AM
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I continue to fight this
dedubya, I spent many many years trying to stop drinking and staying stopped, what I found that worked was when I became we!

I could not stay sober, BUT.............. we can stay sober.

Oh I do so remember when I was the man, I had never had anything beat me in life, especially if I put up the good fight!!

You know how we stopped & stayed stopped? When we quit fighting it!!!!

We stopped fighting it & simply turned it over, the battle was over, we surrendered! We surrendered to the WINNING side. We started to turn our wills & lifes over to the CARE of a Power greater then our selfs, if WE listen to that Power & follow that Powers lead, eventually we find that our obsession with drinking is lifted! No fighting involved at all!

dedubya are you tired of constantly fighting this and getting your butt kicked? I finally admitted to myself that I alone did not have the Power not the knowledge (If one could call it that) to stay stopped.

Once again, I continue to pray that you will WORK a program of some sort. I know for me that until I was BRUTALLY honest with myself I remained a DRUNK!
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Old 02-10-2010, 06:59 PM
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thanks- I feel like **** today. not from drinking or anything substance related-. just burned out from my work a bit and a bad cold coming on (like that matters to anyone). Have this major meeting coming up and nothing is coming together. I am not medicating the situation but working my butt off, and well.....thats the end of my rant. think i might just go to bed. Like this all matters to you all but I just decided to hit the site.....Love to you, and Peace.
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Old 02-10-2010, 07:02 PM
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An acronym that always helps me: HALT. Never get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Any of those can set up disaster. Working my AA program helps me combat that.
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Old 02-10-2010, 07:07 PM
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thanks dude- I know about and totally believe in halt. I don't even want a drink right now. but i will when things settle....so maybe this is a semi good thing. who the crap knows.
Dub
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Old 02-10-2010, 07:09 PM
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(((Dubs))))

It does matter. Can you get to bed early tonight? I like hot water with lemon and honey when I'm coming down with a cold. Stress tends to lower the immune system so try to take care of yourself. Be good to yourself. Don't drink, don't drug!

Maybe getting sick is your body's way of telling you to take it easy? Can you postpone the meeting?

Love,

Lenina
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