Wine drinker
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
I had a very similar pattern as you. One day drinking two days off and then repeat for 30 odd years until my wife finally said this has got to stop and for good this time.
I now realize that it was just a bad habit. To break the habit I came here and read and posted everyday. I am retired so I didn't have and still don't have much else to do.
I would like top be able to be a social drinker too but I know that if I tried to do that sooner or later, probably sooner, I would fall back into the same old habit and lose my wife and for this reason I choose not to drink at all.
Good luck.
I now realize that it was just a bad habit. To break the habit I came here and read and posted everyday. I am retired so I didn't have and still don't have much else to do.
I would like top be able to be a social drinker too but I know that if I tried to do that sooner or later, probably sooner, I would fall back into the same old habit and lose my wife and for this reason I choose not to drink at all.
Good luck.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,262
Hi Redwine, I can understand your drinking habits! Mostly because they are exactly like my own!
For the last two and a half years or so, I have been battling a wine habit at night (never during the day). It's not everyday, as you say ... more like every other. Sometimes every third. I get a bottle of wine thinking "I'll only drink half and feel fine in the morning." Well, by the time I get to half the bottle that idea goes out the window and I end up finishing up the bottle. The next night I'm so tired from lack of good sleep and the hangover that follows that I don't drink. But after that's over with, it seems like a good idea to start drinking again. I'm sure many of us are familiar with this pattern.
I have concluded that for people like you and me, it's a habit and a cycle that we somehow feel chained to that we need to get out of. I really haven't enjoyed this drinking habit at all for a while. My sleep is terrible, I feel sick to my stomach, I do stupid things while drinking, I haven't been able to exercise like I want to, etc. You get the idea. And very recently, I have started to scare myself in finding out that I CAN indeed drink more than one bottle if I have extra wine lying around. That in itself was a wakeup call that this is NOT a good habit for me, it's going in the wrong direction, and will end up getting to be an impossible situation for me, with possible horrible consequences, if I don't stop.
I could have kept on drinking for a while and hit a lower bottom, but I decided to stop (FOREVER) on Saturday. Today is my 5th sober day and I have no regrets. My life is getting better already. I got tired of living that way and know there's a happier life for me.
I would recommend, if you like reading, to try reading the book Sober For Good. It helped me to realize that many people decide to stop drinking for many reasons. You don't have to be an all out hard core alcoholic to have a serious problem with alcohol. And if you want to quit, you can!!! It's a great book. It may give you a starting point to figuring this out and how you want to proceed.
Good luck and keep us posted!!!
Laura
For the last two and a half years or so, I have been battling a wine habit at night (never during the day). It's not everyday, as you say ... more like every other. Sometimes every third. I get a bottle of wine thinking "I'll only drink half and feel fine in the morning." Well, by the time I get to half the bottle that idea goes out the window and I end up finishing up the bottle. The next night I'm so tired from lack of good sleep and the hangover that follows that I don't drink. But after that's over with, it seems like a good idea to start drinking again. I'm sure many of us are familiar with this pattern.
I have concluded that for people like you and me, it's a habit and a cycle that we somehow feel chained to that we need to get out of. I really haven't enjoyed this drinking habit at all for a while. My sleep is terrible, I feel sick to my stomach, I do stupid things while drinking, I haven't been able to exercise like I want to, etc. You get the idea. And very recently, I have started to scare myself in finding out that I CAN indeed drink more than one bottle if I have extra wine lying around. That in itself was a wakeup call that this is NOT a good habit for me, it's going in the wrong direction, and will end up getting to be an impossible situation for me, with possible horrible consequences, if I don't stop.
I could have kept on drinking for a while and hit a lower bottom, but I decided to stop (FOREVER) on Saturday. Today is my 5th sober day and I have no regrets. My life is getting better already. I got tired of living that way and know there's a happier life for me.
I would recommend, if you like reading, to try reading the book Sober For Good. It helped me to realize that many people decide to stop drinking for many reasons. You don't have to be an all out hard core alcoholic to have a serious problem with alcohol. And if you want to quit, you can!!! It's a great book. It may give you a starting point to figuring this out and how you want to proceed.
Good luck and keep us posted!!!
Laura
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Originally Posted by redwine 
Actually the post that mentioned Dwyer, who was able to quit rationally, despite not being in a bad way, is helpful. I need to hear more stories of high-bottom.
Do you really need to hear more stories? Are you planning to quit if you can hear more stories of people like you who have drunk a few bottles of wine a week and felt that they are addicted to alcohol and have to give it up?
The reason I ask is that the alcoholic mind always tells us that there is no-one quite like us, in our situation, doing what we are doing etc etc. Our minds will not let us see all the people who are just like us who have to give up drinking.................all our mind wants to see are the fall-down, drink all day drunks which we cannot possibly identify with.
What you are drinking is not normal. Even if it was, you could give up without any problem if you were a normal drinker.
The very fact that you are putting so much energy into thinking about this tells how much of a problem it is.
Take care.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Raleigh NC
Posts: 100
I have no idea if you have a problem with Alcohol or not. Only you can say. I know that some people drink evey day, some drink a certain number of days a week and others drink maybe on the week-end but they are weekend warriors and binge drink so bad they get very ill. The question you should ask yourself is, can you stop drinking right now and not care either way? Since you skip a day now, try skipping a week and see how you react physically and mentally. I would try that and then be very honest with yourself about whether you felt the need for a drink to get relief or to calm your nerves. That's my suggestion. Oh, I used to drink just 4-5 beers or glasses of wine at a setting too and after years of doing that, I found myself a nasty and lonely alcoholic drinking 3-4 bottles of wine a night. Be very careful because that habit will become an obsession
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 200
Originally Posted by Tazman53
1. Alcoholism has one primary symptom, that symptom is a denial of alcoholism, whether one drinks a WHOLE bottle of wine every 2 days or 3 days is not normal drinking
Originally Posted by Tazman53
2. Alcohol for an alcoholic is, as we say in AA, "Cunning, Baffling, and Powerful! Alcohol will convince an alcoholic that thier drinking is normal when it is far beyond normal! Alcohol will convince an alcoholic that "This time will be different, I will control my drinking this time!".
Originally Posted by Tazman53
One more very important thing................ normal people do not seek out places like SR because they do not have a problem.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 24
foolish
Well, four days and then I bought and finished a bottle of wine last night. If I was asked why, "I don't know" is the answer. I'm going to re-read this thread. It is clear that I underestimated the task ahead.
Fighting my Demons
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: London, UK
Posts: 60
I've always treated some wine at the end of the day as a reward. I was looking forward to it, and regretfully, the promise of wine at the end of the day, was what kept me going. How sad is your life if alcohol is what motivates it. Of course it could never end on one glass, bottle was my minimum, even though I say was, it's just my second day. Good luck
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 67
Hi Red Wine,
Our stories are similar. I was a bottle-a-night drinker for years. I quit in October and am glad I did. Haven't gotten past the cravings yet. I still would love nothing more than to be able to uncork a bottle after a hard day. But now there's a competing feeling at work; I don't want to be disappointed in myself for undoing all of this hard work.
I try practice the tools I'm learning: reflection, gratitude and letting go of the need to control/anticipate everything. It does help. So does fellowship. Most of the people I've met at AA are true gems. I love that we come from all walks of life.
Keep trying. You can do it.
ddog
Our stories are similar. I was a bottle-a-night drinker for years. I quit in October and am glad I did. Haven't gotten past the cravings yet. I still would love nothing more than to be able to uncork a bottle after a hard day. But now there's a competing feeling at work; I don't want to be disappointed in myself for undoing all of this hard work.
I try practice the tools I'm learning: reflection, gratitude and letting go of the need to control/anticipate everything. It does help. So does fellowship. Most of the people I've met at AA are true gems. I love that we come from all walks of life.
Keep trying. You can do it.
ddog
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 24
musings
So I thought I'd describe the thoughts that occurred earlier on in the evening. I paid attention to them and if I'm clear, the actual desire/craving for wine lasted minutes and then faded .. however, it returned a good number of times. Then, the witching hour past, they are gone -- so that's fine.
Tomorrow, though, it'll be another round. I'm paying attention to the actual want, rather than generalising it to, "I'd like some wine this evening".
It was strange -- and something I hope to use in the future as a tool -- to watch the craving "fade" -- the fading took maybe several seconds. It came back 15 minutes later though. I did not, however, notice the craving beginning.
Anyway, just sharing my early days experiences which seem to gel with what CarolID said about noticing cravings (very helpful post, by the way Carol - ta!).
So maybe I've had, say, 6 rounds of cravings over a few hours, but the thing I hope to remember is that it is more literally around 30 minutes of cravings, say, rather than several hours of cravings.
Breaking it down, one step at a time.
Tomorrow, though, it'll be another round. I'm paying attention to the actual want, rather than generalising it to, "I'd like some wine this evening".
It was strange -- and something I hope to use in the future as a tool -- to watch the craving "fade" -- the fading took maybe several seconds. It came back 15 minutes later though. I did not, however, notice the craving beginning.
Anyway, just sharing my early days experiences which seem to gel with what CarolID said about noticing cravings (very helpful post, by the way Carol - ta!).
So maybe I've had, say, 6 rounds of cravings over a few hours, but the thing I hope to remember is that it is more literally around 30 minutes of cravings, say, rather than several hours of cravings.
Breaking it down, one step at a time.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I don't get too many cravings anymore now that I'm over two months sober. When they do come I 'talk back' to them, telling them that I'M in charge now, not wine. I pray you can stay sober, one minute, one hour, one day at a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 24
It is turning out to be much harder than I thought.
I realise now that I used the wine as a way to simulate peacefulness. I've found a lot of life very stressful, and the wine allowed me to blot out a lot of the "noise" and give me some peace.
I am having great difficultly envisioning a life full of the relentless chaos of life.
In the past, for a few glorious years, I lived alone, in peace. I could go home and tune out the world. I was not drinking. I had peace and quiet. But now, there is constant noise and clutter and mess and televisions and radios and so on. For years I have blanked this all out with wine.
If I had the resources to live in peace it would be easy. I would return to living alone, having a haven of peace. I started the wine to block out the stress of my current living situation. I just want peace.
I am glad I had those years of peace -- I know it is possible. But for the last several years I've been in a "noisy" stressful situation.
All I want is a peace.
It is very difficult. I realise now what wine gave me -- peace and solitude. A virtual haven from the noise and stress of life. When I take the wine, it shuts down my mind, blunts my emotions, and I am at a (fake) peace.
When I lived alone, I did not need the wine.
This journey is more difficult than I realised.
I realise now that I used the wine as a way to simulate peacefulness. I've found a lot of life very stressful, and the wine allowed me to blot out a lot of the "noise" and give me some peace.
I am having great difficultly envisioning a life full of the relentless chaos of life.
In the past, for a few glorious years, I lived alone, in peace. I could go home and tune out the world. I was not drinking. I had peace and quiet. But now, there is constant noise and clutter and mess and televisions and radios and so on. For years I have blanked this all out with wine.
If I had the resources to live in peace it would be easy. I would return to living alone, having a haven of peace. I started the wine to block out the stress of my current living situation. I just want peace.
I am glad I had those years of peace -- I know it is possible. But for the last several years I've been in a "noisy" stressful situation.
All I want is a peace.
It is very difficult. I realise now what wine gave me -- peace and solitude. A virtual haven from the noise and stress of life. When I take the wine, it shuts down my mind, blunts my emotions, and I am at a (fake) peace.
When I lived alone, I did not need the wine.
This journey is more difficult than I realised.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
This journey is more difficult than I realised.
And I like being stronger than a bunch of smashed up grapes. Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Brighton UK
Posts: 328
A bottle of wine in one go - even if it is only every other night, is quite alot of alcohol. It sounds to me from what I have read here that you are extremely worried about falling into the alcoholic category - but because it is only every other night, you are able to feel that you are not quite there yet. So you want to stop before you are an alcoholic. The secret is just to stop and this will be very easy if you are not an alcoholic. It's a progressive disease and, like cancer, catch it in its early stages and your chances of survival are increased.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1
Originally Posted by redwine
Hi.
For the last few years -- maybe 5 -- I've taken one bottle of red wine every other night, like clockwork. It hasn't escalated. And recently, I've just realised how odd and strange that is, and that I don't want to do that anymore.
Socially moderating is easy. At home, it's one bottle. If there is more than one bottle around, it is left untouched. Mostly, I think, because I don't want the hangover to be bad, rather than some great act of will.
I think, maybe, that because it hasn't escalated, and socially I don't lose control, that I've been spared, a little -- and by that I mean: I can quit now, while I'm standing.
Now, even if it did not escalate I don't want it to continue. I'm done. I'm done. It's one less thing to think about.
Crazy, eh? I don't understand why I am done now, and why it never occurred to me to be "done" in the last few years.
I remember the wine helped in difficult living situations. It provided a simulated "aloneness" when it was impossible to have time to myself. It was a cocoon. I think I've been self medicating, really.
But recently it does not work. Or I don't need it. I don't know.
I've just turned into that guy who doesn't want to drink anymore.
So I'm going to lean on this board a little. I don't know how hard or easy it will be. Recently I've been forgoing the wine some nights and I feel a lot better. It is something I want. Now, I'm going to forego it completely.
I would love to hear from other every-other-day wine drinkers -- or anyone at all -- and listen to them. Mostly I am hoping to hear, "yeah, I did that, but like you, I decided to move on to other things."
Thank you.
For the last few years -- maybe 5 -- I've taken one bottle of red wine every other night, like clockwork. It hasn't escalated. And recently, I've just realised how odd and strange that is, and that I don't want to do that anymore.
Socially moderating is easy. At home, it's one bottle. If there is more than one bottle around, it is left untouched. Mostly, I think, because I don't want the hangover to be bad, rather than some great act of will.
I think, maybe, that because it hasn't escalated, and socially I don't lose control, that I've been spared, a little -- and by that I mean: I can quit now, while I'm standing.
Now, even if it did not escalate I don't want it to continue. I'm done. I'm done. It's one less thing to think about.
Crazy, eh? I don't understand why I am done now, and why it never occurred to me to be "done" in the last few years.
I remember the wine helped in difficult living situations. It provided a simulated "aloneness" when it was impossible to have time to myself. It was a cocoon. I think I've been self medicating, really.
But recently it does not work. Or I don't need it. I don't know.
I've just turned into that guy who doesn't want to drink anymore.
So I'm going to lean on this board a little. I don't know how hard or easy it will be. Recently I've been forgoing the wine some nights and I feel a lot better. It is something I want. Now, I'm going to forego it completely.
I would love to hear from other every-other-day wine drinkers -- or anyone at all -- and listen to them. Mostly I am hoping to hear, "yeah, I did that, but like you, I decided to move on to other things."
Thank you.
I've read through my old posts and it is all pure denial. Wish I could go back those four years and make the better choice.
Read my old posts. If you sound like that, I'm an example of where you are headed.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Welcome Back! I was confused at first to see this post. Beerandwine, you are not alone and never will be. This quest that you are undertaking has been walked by many here. Alcohol consumption for the alcoholic does escalate. You can turn this around with a little change and determination.
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