a fallen man

i'm over 150 now and will hit 5 months on the 8th.

i am constantly amazed at how much clearer i am thinking. i've quit 2 times before. one time for 105 days and another for 58 days. this is the longest i've gone in 9 years of very hard drinking. pretty much everything but hardcore vodka drinker the last 5 years.

i so appreciate going to bed sober. i haven't vomited in over 150 days. it was pretty much an everyday occurrence whilst drinking. nobody would ever miss that.

i've saved a ton of money.

on february 20th i'll be going to nicaragua with a medical/dental mission group for a week. i used to do this all the time at least once a year.

once i started drinking heavily it went by the wayside. number one...the group i went with is very strict so there is no drinking on the trips. i couldn't go without for one day so no way i could go. number 2 i didn't have the money as it was going for the vodka.

many times i'd look at my photos and long for a trip but knew i couldn't commit to it because i loved my vodka more than helping others.

i check in here daily but very rarely write. i truly am not bragging about my sober time. i just wanted to let any newcomer know i was EXACTLY where they were 5 months ago.

i honestly am nobody special. i won't lie. it was very hard at first. it is getting easier every day. about a week ago on a sunday i did have an 'urge' to drink. it lasted for a few minutes and that was it.

i haven't had one all week.

i hurt for the younger ones that have a social life developed around going out. i don't have that in my way of temptation as i am 50 and pretty much a homebody....heck..that's where i did my drinking tho...so it was my own bar.

i'm blown away at how much better my mind is working. i have always been above average intelligence and it has blessed me in everything from work to just managing things. that had been dulled in my drinking. i got by but i'm doing so much better work now it's unreal.

i am not saying that in any arrogance at all. i truly am a humble man. it's just amazing what you're missing when drinking. you think you're getting by and the same mentally but when you look back you know you were only half the person you should be.

and i truly owe it to this place. i thank all of the old timers for being here every day to welcome the new person that is hurting. i thank all of the newcomers that chime in and want 'some of that'.

sorry this is so long but i don't share that often and feel that i owe it. if it helps one person say 'i can do it if he can' then it accomplished what is intended.

david.

coffeenut

A huge congratulations on finding your sobriety. It truly is worth the journey, isn't it?!

I hope you post more. Sharing posts like this not only helps newbies, it helps 'oldies' like me remember to be thankful for my sobriety.

least

Thank you for posting your message of hope!

endzoner

Its great to hear from you David , Extremly proud of you ... I remember when you first came here .. as I love to say " who'da thunk " ... you wouldnt of thought back then that it would be anything like it is now , We share our experinces with newcomers on the promises of life in recovery and how it can be if you only work at it , its so hard to see at that time in your life . But as we say it does get better , and it has for you and so many like you and myself . Keep up the great work and keep sharing your storys with us . In hopes that you can inspire another to keep it simple and keep it in the moment .
Awsome job David .. massive huggles :ghug3 your Sept family friend Endzy

intention

Thanks, David, for wonderful post.


Enjoy your trip and the rest of your sober life.

NEOMARXIST

Thanks for posting!

Peace

noubledegative

well done mate!

thanks for your encouraging words...im at day 69 and very sloooooooooooowly i can feel my life creeping back.

CarolD

Horselover

Thanks for posting that David. It was very well said. Congratulations on your sober time too!!

Dee74

Congratulations AFM

D

Arena

Great post AFM & have a fantastic 'Memorable' trip!

Anna

I'm glad you're doing so well!

And, it's great that you are planning on going to Nicaragua and helping people there. You should feel good about what you've accomplished.

mirage

What a great post..so happy for you!

a fallen man

thanks for the kind words from everybody.....i should post more often...lol.

it feels great to be home on a saturday night and fully sober. back in the day by this time i would have been passed out on the sofa as saturday was a start as soon as you get up day.

how sad is that???

i by no means imply that it is all puppies and daffodils and rainbows. it's not. i still feel a bit fatigued but i've been drunk so long that i just passed out every night so i was not cognizant of 'how i felt'.

the sleep is much, much better. it's been spotty throughout.

it's unbelievable how good food tastes now. i haven't been hogging out or anything like that but it seems like my taste buds are much more sensitive than they were before.

i've also been a much more active and better father and husband...again, i'm not the male lead for a romance novel but then again i never was.

my oldest son just graduated university and i've really been able to be there for him with fatherly advice on job options. and sober when i gave it. how great is that???

again thanks to everyone and congrats to everybody no matter how many days they have. if you have one day clean that is better than one more day under the influence.

HumbleBee

There are only a few places where you can say that and people "get it" - that's just one of the things I love about this forum. Thank you, David. You made me smile with your honesty and inspirational way of giving so much back by going to nicaragua with the medical/dental mission.

The miracles of recovery...and for the record, you are special.

CoF1984

I really enjoyed reading your post this evening David. Congratulations on your sober time. It is wonderful to see. Definitely very happy for you. And I hope you have a wonderful trip.

Wes