JasperFan

So I last posted on Monday when I was coming to the end of my 2 day hangover from the binge that brought me back here. Sore head, sore stomach and a lot of anxiety/guilt. The sore stomach passed but the anxiety continued during the week and has been the worst it's been for a while (I'm on SSRIs for anxiety related depression). Luckily its eased a lot today. The focus seemed to shift between panic about not drinking i.e what am I going to do at social events and guilt about all the things I've been neglecting in my life because all my spare time has been spent drunk or hungover.

I was away for 3 nights with work and I was almost really good. I went for dinner with a colleague one of the nights and the waitress came and took the order and against everything the rational part of my mind was saying I ordered a pint of lager. I drank two thirds and left the rest and we moved onto water (not sure what would have happened if my workmate had suggested more booze....well actually I know what would have happened.)

Anyway no drinks since Tuesday and its now Friday night at almost 10pm. I'm at home and have eaten something I actually cooked for dinner, spoken to my mum on the phone and have a plan for what I'm going to do tomorrow with my day off. Normally, I'd be on my 5th or 6th pint or 2nd bottle of wine by now...

Have a feeling somethings missing and even though I know its a good thing its not sitting comfortably...

Horselover

Something is missing, but it isn't something that in any way has done good things for you. I felt the remorse over never being able to drink again, but the constant line about "just don't drink for the next 24 hours" became less obnoxious and more of a friend as time went by. Living in the moment is key. It is not easy to do for us because we were so used to living until our next drunk, but it does get easier.

I can honestly say that weekends are no longer about getting drunk, but more about what activities are we doing this weekend. Life becomes fuller then it once was for sure.

Gratitude can help you too. I like to express my gratitude because that is a tool I use to keep me in the moment also. Speaking of the moment - I have to run and get my son from the bus stop.

Good for you on your 3 days and I look forward to seeing you post tomorrow. Just think of waking up clear headed and ready to go. That is something that would be missing if you went back to drinking. Really got to run!

least

I still have moments when I want to get numb, but I'm now in the habit of reminding myself how awful I'll feel the next day. That is keeping me sober cause I DO NOT want to feel that way again.

I hope you can stay sober.

intention

Tomorrow morning you are going to be so glad you are sober tonight.

Dee74

I think it's hideorseek who posted recently that giving up alcohol can be like grieving a lost one.

It's ok to grieve even a bad relationship - just know you're doing the right think and keep on walking - don't take any backward steps.

Things will get better
D

NEOMARXIST

Funny you should mention that Dee... I was only just thinking about how I feel like I don't grieve the booze anymore.

The grieving for me lasted a good 5 months. It very much felt like my best friend had died and I felt like i was in mourning for a good few months, obviously coming and going in severity, usually peaking at weekends etc You just gotta know it's all par for the course and it too shall pass. Crucially just don't pick up that first drink... that's the one that'l get ya.

Anna

Hi Jasper,

It's bound to feel uncomfortable emotionally for awhile, but you will get used to it.

I'm glad you have a plan for the weekend!

JasperFan

Thanks for the support guys. Watched a film when I came off here last night and then slept for 10 hours straight. Spoken to my partner and my aunt this morning and about to head out for the afternoon.

Fubarcdn

Good for you Jasper. The first little while was the hardest for me so hang tough.
Now the only thing I remember about drinking are the bad times.
It is kinda like looking back at old picture albums and only remembering the good times only in reverse.
You are doing great.