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Old 02-04-2010, 11:22 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Looking for answers

Hi there...

I am pretty sure I know the answer to this question... do I have a drining problem? I am a child surviver or incest rape by my alcholaic father, he commited suicide when I was 24, I have always been careful about my drinking knowing the potential. I find myself now on a 2mos run of 3-4 glasses of wine each and every night.. not social, drink to get drunk blame it on stress at work (lie), I work from 11am -7pm and around 4pm everyday I start getting anciouse and thinking about getting home a little after 7pm for that 1st glass of wine, in fact I start getting cranky and just want that glass of wine. I even changed from my normal brand of wine to a wine with higher alchohal content to get drunk faster.. I am going through 1.5L of wine every other night. Please help me in the direction I need to go, I have tried cutting down but the urge to get drunk is stronger ... I drink alone when my husband is alseep, he only see's how much is gone in the morning, on occassion I will blame the amount on me spilling a glass in the sink.. or some other excuse for the amount I drank. I neverr thought I would let this happen, I don't know what went wrong but this all started at Chirstmas and the holidays were fantastic, great family around, not major problems, everything was great...all of a sudden I went from social drinker of 2-3 bottles of wine a year to 4 bottles a week..... sorry for the lenthly thread.. yes I have been drinking!!!!
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Old 02-04-2010, 11:41 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Donna

I think you already know you have a problem, and really that's all the matters...

The drinking to get drunk, the secrecy, the irritability, the stronger wine, the excuses and downright lies...these are all pretty familiar to me, and they're some pretty good red flags.

Often a Dr's visit - just to make sure all is well - is a good first step... other than that I encourage you to look around, read a lot, post as much as you like.

Most people here use a recovery programme like AA, or one of the others like SMART, and find that very useful - but I have no experience to share there. Others will be along I'm sure

I make a commitment every day not to drink - the good folk here help me to keep that...you'll find a lot of support here...

Welcome to SR

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Old 02-05-2010, 04:06 AM   #3 (permalink)

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Welcome to SR Donna.

As Dee said it is apparent that you already realize that drinking is becoming a problem for you.
I can almost assure you that the quantity you drink will continue to go up if you don't do something about it now and things will get worse at both home and work.
I commend you for realizing this and taking the first step to fix it.
I also think you know what you have to do, since cutting down did not work, and that is quit completely, Try it for at least a while, maybe a month or two and see how you think and feel at that time.
Good luck in your quest.
There is plenty of support here for you.
What it is is what it is.

Only positivity No negativity.
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Old 02-05-2010, 04:16 AM   #4 (permalink)

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You're admirable coming here, admitting it and the amount and slips of the lips you're telling your hubby. I agree with the others that a Dr would be a great first step. Is your husband one that you could lean on and ask assistance from? This would be wonderful to have a confidant and maybe an AA meeting (one for him too). You're coming out of the darkness, just think about the calories you're consuming! It really stopped me in my ways when I'd gained 50 pounds in a year!
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Old 02-05-2010, 05:18 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR! You no longer have to live a life of lies and secrecy and shame. Sobriety will improve your life and eliminate risk and health problems. I'm glad you found us and joined the family.
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Old 02-05-2010, 06:16 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR, Donna. I've found a lot of support here with this truly anonymous outlet for sharing feelings, emotions, and facts about alcoholism. You sound like someone who wants to tackle a growing problem with alcohol before you approach rock-bottom, and from my own experience, I can't encourage you enough to continue the path you've started by posting on SR. Not drinking is a challenge, but it's something I'm increasingly thankful for with each passing day.

Many of the seasoned folks on this forum will suggest you consult with a doctor. If that's what it takes to get the process of recovery started, then I encourage you to do so ASAP. And please keep posting.
Always do what you are afraid to do.

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Old 02-05-2010, 07:19 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you posted.

I was shocked to realize that I was addicted to alcohol too. It happened so fast, I didn't see it coming. Cutting back is really, really difficult for alcoholics and when I tried that, all I did was obsess about drinking and when I could next drink. Quitting was actually a relief. I hope you keep reading and posting.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

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Old 02-05-2010, 07:22 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Donna, as suggested see a Dr. & be totally honest with the Dr.

The biggest key to getting and staying sober is being brutally honest with your self and politely honest with others.

The second key is to be open minded!!! Do not decide "I am not going to try that, I do not think I will like that." Open your mind and give it an honest try.

The third key is to be willing! Be willing to take suggestions, be willing to do what ever it takes to get & stay sober.

If I had not been honest with myself and admit I had a drinking problem I would never have called a Dr. I had to be willing to tell the Dr. the TRUTH about my drinking.

I had to be open minded and willing to go into detox as the Dr. suggested I do. In detox I had to be willing to learn from them. I had to be open minded and willing to follow the suggestion that the folks in detox gave me to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.

I darn sure was not thrilled about going to AA and getting a sponsor.... but I was so sick & tired of being a drunk that I did as they suggested.

In AA I was given a great many suggestions, most of them I followed right away, some I never followed, but there were some that it took me some time and further pain before I was willing to try them, but I did and they worked!!!!

AA is not the only program on the block, there are others, give which ever program you choose an HONEST try, if you find you do not like the program you are working after a couple of months, try another program.

One thing to always keep in mind when working a program, never say that a program does not work for you UNLESS you have honestly worked the entire program to the best of your ability.
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Old 02-05-2010, 10:17 AM   #9 (permalink)
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I just wanted to pipe in and add a welcome to SR. It is an extremely helpful site with people that have hearts as big as the moon. I have never experienced such giving as you will find here. Try SR, but if its not enough then go for a face to face meeting. There are so many varieties.

I can imagine it is hard for you to admit you have a problem after trying to be so careful about it. It took me years before I would be frank with myself about it and once I dropped the charade then recovery became possible. Very happy for a new sober life and am looking forward to having you join us here.
"For who among us shall cast the first stone?"
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Old 02-05-2010, 10:25 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by DonnaT View Post
Hi there...

I am a child surviver or incest rape by my alcholaic father, he commited suicide when I was 24, I have always been careful about my drinking knowing the potential.
One thing that the AA program has done for me is make tragic issues from my past unimportant. I'm not saying that is an unimportant part of your past. I'm just saying that it can be. Imagine the freedom that can give you, the amount of weight lifted once this becomes just a fragment of who you used to be.
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Old 02-05-2010, 10:30 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.
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Old 02-05-2010, 11:28 AM   #12 (permalink)

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hI Donna, wine was my choice of drink,and my wifes, ive only been stopped 12 days out
of many years,of a bottle of wine every night.. And a lot more at weekends.. it was the
same with me.. Around 12 years ago began dabbling with a bottle now and again.. and
at first could keep it in check, like just weekends.. I ENJOYED IT.. and very much looked
forward to my reward for a hard weeks work.. but no it didnt stay like that gradually
the weekend became a four day event, then five, then seven... Result becoming pretty
much dependant on it! oh and how much pleasure id get down the wine aisle... Like a
little kid in a candy store... Unable to decide which one! obviously the Alcohol content
became a major decider.. But this became part of the everyday ritual,scourcing/choosin
buyin the right one.. all part of the daily ritual!of my little reward after my days work!
needles to say over ten years of this ritual... and health issues becoming apparent,
many many thousands of pounds wasted.. The mental battles and torment! the hangovers,guilt shame regret embarrasment, all of this... also it never stopped at one
bottle in the last few years.. It was beers thrown in.. most often 3 bottles between
the 2 of us.. Weekends free for all ,drink all we want, as we can... will face monday
in whatever state we wake in... Not givin 2 hoots about anythin but booze!! we,ll face
the pain tommorow but todays party time"! Incdentally my wife still does, which bothers
me, but its her free choice! for me its grow up time ,the partys over... Best meet sobriety
now before it gets to late... what started as a little treat, that i enjoyed, soon overpowered and controlled me.. I became obsessed with,and felt i could not live
without, like others many many many times tried to control this in order to continue,
but this was never to be! always it controlled me!! hence my absolute submission
that stoppage.. be rid of once and for all is the only way to go.so here now i do this.
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Old 02-05-2010, 11:56 AM   #13 (permalink)
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I am at work now and just wanted to pop in, I haven't been able to read all the posts but I am overwelmed by the help... Thanks..

People have told me to cut down.. didn't work, people tell me to just give it up.. funny just the thought of not being able to have a drink gives me anxiety.. right now it is 3:53 Atlantic time and I am getting excited to get to 7pm so I can get some wine go home and have a glass.... why can't I stop this train wreck that seems to be happening.... I thought I would never do this but I went to bed at 3:30am fairly buzzed and at 9:45this morning before going to work.. I grabbed the wine bottle and took a good chug.... god I hate what is happening... I'll check in tonight after my husband goes to bed... thanks everyone .. it is some relief to know I am not alone...
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Old 02-05-2010, 12:08 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Remember Donna that if SR isn't cutting it for you then please seek a face to face meeting. Do it for yourself. The train won't stop running until you apply the breaks. You CAN do this, but you have to change your routine.
"For who among us shall cast the first stone?"
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Old 02-05-2010, 12:54 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR Donna! You've taken a big step by admitting your an Alcoholic. Ok, now what? Do something about it!

I tried the tapering thing, along with thousands of other people and I have never seen it work. Being an Alcoholic means we cannot drink. . . . at all. It's like the slogan above says, "One is too many and a thousand is never enough" Once we get started, we can't stop. I know after I got that first drunk in me that I enjoyed, I was never able to achieve it again, no matter how much I drank or what I drank.

I neverr thought I would let this happen,
It's like the TV Commercials . . . None of us said when we grew up we want to be an Alcoholic. Just don't get caught up in beating yourself up for being an Alcoholic. It's a disease that millions of people have.

But there is hope. I highly encourage you to first of all, since it's a Friday, talk to your Husband. You can't keep this from him forever. You also need his support if you're going to stop drinking. Get in to see your doctor ASAP. Some people need to be hospitalized for detox, I have no idea if you would need to be hospitalized or not. But you will need the love and support of your husband. I imagine he has some idea. The lies about spilling a glass here and there or the cat knocked the bottle over, etc don't work for very long.

I hope you'll continue to post on here, share what you feel comfortable sharing and read in the Alcohol forum as well. There is hope!

God Bless,

Just when the Catterpillar thought her life was over, She became a Butterfly
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Old 02-05-2010, 05:32 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Good evening everyone..... well I didn't know what I should do first. tell my husband or tell my supervisor... now since I have a great re-pore with my Team Leader from work and I made an appt with a Dr. who deals with addictions through our EAP program I new I would be missing some times from work I told my Team Leader tonight...she was very very supportive, said she would be my support system at work and when I need someone to talk to she would pull me off the phones (i work for Canada Revenue Agency at a call site) we would talk or go for a walk or drive down to Tims or she would take me to an AA meeting if necessary.. part of my benefits is unlimited paid Dr. appts so she assured me any appt or even aa meeting she would approve under Medical..technically she does not have to do this.. she was suprised that I have a problem with substance abuse because i am the one who is the leader helping others in need or the team, as she said I am the team comfort blanket... but she said she was very proud of me for addressing and acknowleding my problem..... I feel better. But still I bought a bottle of wine tonight and am drinking but don't know how to tell my husband.. I don't know how he will react... our marriage is good but after only 4yrs we are more like roommates than husband and wife....
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Old 02-05-2010, 06:03 PM   #17 (permalink)

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Hi Donna. I am pretty new here and certainly not one to give any advice. Just wanted you to know that I am rooting for you and find you honesty inspiring. My experience tells me that it is SO DIFFICULT and SCARY to even think about taking the first step towards something better. Wishing you all the best on your journey...whatever it may be.
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Old 02-05-2010, 06:23 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Your story sounds familiar, the drinking parts. Secrecy, irritability anticipating when you can get to it (or when something interferes), and increasing amount/potency. I'm on day 4 of abstinence after 10-ish years of drinking wine nightly. Started out as 3-4 glasses and increased over the years to 1 - 1.25 liters per night.

A talk with a doctor is a good start, just be honest; doctors can have some good info. and resources (medical and therapeutic). I, too, have a strong history of alcoholism in my family and seriously thought that watching my dad destroy himself would prevent myself from letting "this" happen to me. But as my therapist put it, some of us are bitten by the addiction bug and some aren't.

I'm looking forward to spending my energy on actually living my life, rather than obsessing about alcohol or figuring out ways to cover my tracks so my husband wouldn't know the extent of it.

Welcome, and best to you!
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Old 02-05-2010, 06:25 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I'm glad you made the decision to tell your supervisor, and I'm pleased it worked out so well.

As for your husband - only you know what the best approach is there

I put off telling the people that I loved too - part of that was fear, and shame - but part of it was not wanting to cross *that* line just yet. I knew when I told people I'd 'have' to quit.

Looking back, I'm glad I did tho - I found an almost instant release, and my life has gotten immeasurably better since the day I did.

It's something to think about anyway
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Old 02-05-2010, 06:33 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Dee omg you are so right... telling my TL is one thing.. it's kinda like ok.. well I can still drink and she will never know.... telling my husband puts the nail in the coffin makes it real.. fear of not ever having that taste of alcohal.... she suggested I go to an aa meeting tomorrow.. I said was a good idea but I don't think I am ready.. I am worse tonight than when I joined here this morning... I'm scared, confused, wanting to drink not wanting to drink... knowing I'm spending a fortune on nearly $20 per 1.5 days.. more on the weekends....uggggg why did I spend my life watching and making sure I did not cross the line.. or even go near it only to completely lose myself in alcohal....
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