*&$@ got $!)@# (insert your own curses) on day 2 now
 

so ya i went out and used, i'd been using for most of the past 2 years with very brief periods of sobriety. i'd been able to get away with all kinds of garbage and devious behavior but stuff kinda came crashing down.

my neighbors complained about me to the landlord, i'm probably getting evicted, got searched by the cops with weed and a weapon on me (marijuana is decriminalized in my state fortunately) i'm paranoid and anxious as hell. a flood of emotions has returned to me in the past couple weeks (even while using.) i've broken down in tears at least 5 times and started feeling a GREAT amount of guilt which i'd been able to rationalize my way out in the past.

i finally realized i can't associate with drug users AT ALL. every time i've been sober i've messed it up by hanging out with "friends" (i've decided they aren't "friends," just "people i hung out with.") so far i haven't told them, i've just not answered any of their endless calls. i'm gonna tell them soon and then change my number, although their is some exchanging of property i need to take care of at some point (various guitar equipment that i would hate to lose is at one dudes house, and i owe him money so i'll probably give him the money and get my **** before telling him to **** off.)

i'm on day 2 right now, hell of a lot of anxiety and depression i'm feeling right now. i was using painkillers, alcohol, and otc cough syrup, at least 2 of the three daily, various combinations of two of those drugs.

i need to get to meetings, i'm gonna start going again tommarow, i have a meeting at 12pm and 7pm within a 10 minute walk from my house, hopefully it's not too cold.

welcome back

It's a pretty safe bet that what you've been doing is not going to find you Zen, so I'm glad you're making some changes.

Let us know how the meeting goes :)
D

You don't have to feel this badly ever again. Get clean and sober and stay that way, one day at a time. It's worth it. I'm glad you're trying again. :ghug3

Hi and welcome. I hope you do get to those meetings and find the solution. It is great you have decided to quit.

If you work the program you will find a sober and clean life far richer than any of your 'friends', material possessions can give you.
Keep in touch.

Welcome to SR Searching. Hope your meeting goes or has gone well. Don't let the cold keep you from going. Its important. Will look for you to check in.