Hit 30 Days Today-Things are leveling out
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 114
Hit 30 Days Today-Things are leveling out
Hi everyone, wanted to start out by saying thanks to all that have offered me great support/advice along the way. Today I marked 30 days for the first time in 10 years-have never gone more than a week since this past 30 days.
The last 30 days seem like a year and it has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs, challeneges and opportunities. But, this past week things are starting to feel better. I am still cognizant of my problem with drinking, but it isnt every minute of every day of my life. Now that I have gotten past 30 days, I have been learning more about what else is out there in life to do. I am not living just to get drunk, now I can live to have fun and enjoy life, something I thought I was doing before, but it was quite the contrary.
AA meetings have been a daily occurance for me, and I thank God for them. I am still working the steps at this point, only up to step 3. I am totally into reading the Big Book, and have reread it a few times now. I get to the end and go right back to the beginning.
So, at this time I am feeling less like I am in a state of feeling lost, and feel like I have more purpose, confidence, happiness and stability. I am more honest with myself, I listen to people more, and stay calm about almost everything now and handle things in stride.
I still write in my journal like crazy and reread that to remind myself of how things used to be.
My question for those out there is, after some time has gone by, did anybody start to get excited about life getting better, but remain fearful about forgetting the past? I am in that position. I am excited with life, but cautiously optimistic at the same time. I have more confidence, but not on the future. I am still very much in a "one day at a time mindframe".d
All the best to all of you out there.
The last 30 days seem like a year and it has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs, challeneges and opportunities. But, this past week things are starting to feel better. I am still cognizant of my problem with drinking, but it isnt every minute of every day of my life. Now that I have gotten past 30 days, I have been learning more about what else is out there in life to do. I am not living just to get drunk, now I can live to have fun and enjoy life, something I thought I was doing before, but it was quite the contrary.
AA meetings have been a daily occurance for me, and I thank God for them. I am still working the steps at this point, only up to step 3. I am totally into reading the Big Book, and have reread it a few times now. I get to the end and go right back to the beginning.
So, at this time I am feeling less like I am in a state of feeling lost, and feel like I have more purpose, confidence, happiness and stability. I am more honest with myself, I listen to people more, and stay calm about almost everything now and handle things in stride.
I still write in my journal like crazy and reread that to remind myself of how things used to be.
My question for those out there is, after some time has gone by, did anybody start to get excited about life getting better, but remain fearful about forgetting the past? I am in that position. I am excited with life, but cautiously optimistic at the same time. I have more confidence, but not on the future. I am still very much in a "one day at a time mindframe".d
All the best to all of you out there.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Congratulations!!
As for your question...I have almost 3 years. I am very grateful for the life I have, even with the ups and downs, but I am also very aware that I am one bad decision away from going back to where I was. It doesn't consume me, it's just an ever-present thought, in the back of my mind and I'm glad it's there. I began, early in recovery, to say "not an option" every time I thought of using and to remember, in vivid detail, the misery of the last time I used (not the fun...which really wasn't fun anymore). My mind automatically does the "not an option" and goes to those memories, and again, I am grateful.
I think it's great to look forward to life, grasp it with both hands, but be vigilant in our recovery.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
As for your question...I have almost 3 years. I am very grateful for the life I have, even with the ups and downs, but I am also very aware that I am one bad decision away from going back to where I was. It doesn't consume me, it's just an ever-present thought, in the back of my mind and I'm glad it's there. I began, early in recovery, to say "not an option" every time I thought of using and to remember, in vivid detail, the misery of the last time I used (not the fun...which really wasn't fun anymore). My mind automatically does the "not an option" and goes to those memories, and again, I am grateful.
I think it's great to look forward to life, grasp it with both hands, but be vigilant in our recovery.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dayton, OH.
Posts: 879
ALRIGHT! Congrats on your 30 days! I am very very very very proud of you! Keep up the awesome work!
A journal AND blog is one of my favorite ways of getting my feelings out, and sometimes a source of entertainment as I go back and re-read some of my old writings and laugh at how weird I was. LOL. I hope it has been helpful for you too.
Along with the meetings and the steps. Keep it going! YEAH!:ghug3
As for your question, yeah. I feel fearful sometimes, but mostly I am looking forward to a future, bright and drug free! I start school this month. It's a bit scary, but so exciting at the same time. For once, I am looking forward to things..
But no, I'll never forget the past. If I feel memories slipping, I know where to go. Here at SR, Myspace (my blog), or read my journal again. Especially the STUPID part where I actually wrote that trying heroin was fun (despite the fact that it really made me so sick!). I was such a liar, even to myself. UGH!
A journal AND blog is one of my favorite ways of getting my feelings out, and sometimes a source of entertainment as I go back and re-read some of my old writings and laugh at how weird I was. LOL. I hope it has been helpful for you too.
Along with the meetings and the steps. Keep it going! YEAH!:ghug3
As for your question, yeah. I feel fearful sometimes, but mostly I am looking forward to a future, bright and drug free! I start school this month. It's a bit scary, but so exciting at the same time. For once, I am looking forward to things..
But no, I'll never forget the past. If I feel memories slipping, I know where to go. Here at SR, Myspace (my blog), or read my journal again. Especially the STUPID part where I actually wrote that trying heroin was fun (despite the fact that it really made me so sick!). I was such a liar, even to myself. UGH!
not little, a stranger no more
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: in the crowd
Posts: 410
Congrats, HIgby, 30 days are a big achievement!
I can relate to the rollercoaster feeling, and also many other things you described. In the first few months of my sobriety, there were so many things happening inside my head, and also on the outside, and I think the one day at a time mindframe is something that hasn't necessarily to do with the amount of time one has been sober.
And you don't need to rush. You are doing great so far, and after 10 years of drinking, it is perfectly ok taking your time to go through the steps, and to adjust to a new sober way of living-and you are already experiencing the positve effects. Not feeling quite secure about the future is normal, and I find your approach of staying in the today and working on that quite healthy actually.
All my best wishes, and may there be many more sober days for you to come.
I can relate to the rollercoaster feeling, and also many other things you described. In the first few months of my sobriety, there were so many things happening inside my head, and also on the outside, and I think the one day at a time mindframe is something that hasn't necessarily to do with the amount of time one has been sober.
And you don't need to rush. You are doing great so far, and after 10 years of drinking, it is perfectly ok taking your time to go through the steps, and to adjust to a new sober way of living-and you are already experiencing the positve effects. Not feeling quite secure about the future is normal, and I find your approach of staying in the today and working on that quite healthy actually.
All my best wishes, and may there be many more sober days for you to come.
Last edited by Lionne; 02-02-2010 at 03:04 PM. Reason: queen of typos
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
I know what you're saying about not forgetting the past. I too tell myself that drinking is not an option any time I get 'those thoughts'. I come here when I'm tempted and help another alky or addict. That in itself helps keep me sober as I don't want to go back to where they are right now - addicted and out of control - been there, done with that.
Congrats on your sober milestone! Many more to ya!
Congrats on your sober milestone! Many more to ya!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,491
Hi and Congratulations on your 30 days sober!
I carried a lot of guilt and shame with me for having hurt my family, so it took me awhile to become optimistic. I think having a 'healthy fear' of the addiction is a good thing - not so that it prevents you from living a happy life, but so that you don't ever want to go back there.
I carried a lot of guilt and shame with me for having hurt my family, so it took me awhile to become optimistic. I think having a 'healthy fear' of the addiction is a good thing - not so that it prevents you from living a happy life, but so that you don't ever want to go back there.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Congratulations on 30 Days. I have to admit that I had tears in my eyes as I read your post. A lot of gratitude jumped off my computer screen.
As far as forgetting the past, all the years that I spent in and out of the Rooms (trying to work a Program of my doing that obviously doesn't work) I didn't understand why we would want to remember the past. I'd hear the Eleven Promises and just shake my head at some of them, especially " . . . we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. . . " When I finally surrendered back in July of 2005, I realized that remembering the past is necessary because I need to remember the pain, the misery and everything that went along with using.
Don't rush the Steps, Recovery is a process, not an event. I remember a young lady at a Meeting who said, "Ok, I worked all the Steps, now what do I do?" All at once, about half the room said, "Work em again." The Steps are something that we practice everyday of our lives. It's not like when we hit the 12th Step we're done doing the work. At 4.5 years, I still work the Steps every day. I have to if I want to remain Clean & Sober.
One Day at A Time is a philosophy that I will practice the rest of my life. I have several medical issues and may be facing some pretty serious back surgeries in my future. My DOC was pain pills. If I sat and worried about the what if's in my future, what if I have this surgery, what if I'll have to have some pain medication, what if I start to like it again, what if, what if, what if. The what if's can send me right back out there. If I start to worry about things in my future, I only sabotage myself today. But that doesn't mean I can't be excited about the gifts that I am given in Sobriety.
I look forward to sending you many more Congratulations in the future.
God Bless,
Judy
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