Stuck in a Spiral...

Old 02-02-2010, 01:48 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 1
Stuck in a Spiral...

First of all im 23 years old... Ive been smoking cannabis since I was 15 on a regular basis. I moved onto other drugs I was addicted for ecstasy for about a year back in 2006. I would smoke daily and take xanax on occassion, steal pills from my dad (Hydrocodone, Xanax, Oxycontin, Fentanyl). I then quit taking ecstasy and got addicted to prescription pills and opiates. I was using up my dads scripts leaving him in pain at end of months. I was taking his doses. Finishing up his bottle of xanax. I would binge on LSD for a couple of weeks at a time aswell as ventured into the land of psychadelic mushrooms and other research chemicals for several years.

I started cleaning up my act I was going to join the Marines I had scored good on the entrance exam. I was 21 years old I needed to do something.

I just couldn't quit the marijuana. It felt like without it, life wasn't life. They say you don't have withdrawls to marijuana but you do. Well I went to rehab to try to see if it would help but I ended up leaving halfway through the program. I got home and the first thing I did was relapse... the top dog at the local Marine recruiting officer called my house to talk to me and my dad answered and said I was out partying doing drugs.

Basically ruined my chances to join the Marines and caused to really not care much... So I continue to do what ive done for the last 8 years... Smoke marijuana everyday all the time while Im awake... take xanax and vicodins and other opiate pain pills when I get them. Using LSD, Ecstasy, Mushrooms as much as I can get my hands on them.

I decided rehab was my only choice so after my parents convincing me I went back and it was actually going well. I got to about the 19th day out of a month treatment when I finally just had an outburst and got into an altercation with another male patient. I was blamed for it and I was kicked out and he was allowed to stay.

I was referred to a halfway house and it was preety much my only choice. I stayed in the halfway house for a month stayed sober and tried to work the program I got a sponsor it was going alright... However it just could never leave my brain those cravings and thoughts of just smoking some cannabis... taking some xanax and hydrocodones, or taking a bunch of lsd and mixing it with ecstasy. After time the thoughts would all leave except Smoking Cannabis... I would just get the thought of smelling it, seeing it, smoking it... It just never left my mind but I continued to stay sober. I got a job exactly 52 days sober and went to go take a urine test.... I came back dirty for Marijuana even thought I hadn't smoked in almost 2 months.

It blew me away, I had a really good job opprotunity and then I just get denied like that... A couple of days later under "Sober House" Rules you had to go to community service if you can't get a job in 3 weeks.

Well I go to community service... and guess who you go to community service with. People that do drugs and are going because the court sent them... I end up finding marijuana and relapsing in Kerrville, TX. I smoked right near my halfway house.... no one knew.

It just reinforced what I was already beginning to acknoweledge... that this program was going to be something that was going to consume my life just as bad as the drugs were.... I ended up being asked to leave by my house manager because he said I wasn't putting 100% into the program. Got home and relapsed that same day... its been the same story ever since.

So why? What? What to do... i just continue to live and cope with it as much as I can.
jkalex05 is offline  
Old 02-02-2010, 02:23 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Dee74's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,297
hi jkalex

I was a pot smoker too...I managed to put it down and take it up again several times over 20 years. Finally quit that when I quit alcohol in 07.

I'm not sure you should focus on other people or the program...I couldn't blame the fact that alcohol is everywhere for my alcoholism, and I couldn't blame other people when I chose to join them in smoking weed.

I'm sorry you were let down a few times too, but that needn't be an obstacle to you quitting this time if you want to either

I think support is important, vital even. I've found a lot of help here - I hope you will too.

Dee74 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:51 PM.