isittime

I guess I have taken the first step in admitting that I AM powerless over alcohol. I didn't sleep a wink last night, I guess admitting that stressed me out too much, I'm not sure. I feel like I am hanging by a thread emotionally and just barely managing to live my life and fulfill my responsibilities and can't believe I am here, it's really hard to admit I will never be a social drinker but experience has proven that for me, that is just not possible. Anyways, I'm going to go read some posts now.

Ceres

Hey,

<whispering in your ear> There's this great big world out there, so many joys are going to come your way. Life won't be perfect. But it can be better than you've ever imagined.

Welcome :-)

Astro

Recovery is a challenging process, sometimes difficult but when did anything worthwhile ever come easy? I understand your fears though, we all do, and getting honest with ourselves and others is one of the hurdles we have to overcome.

I do agree with Alerizin, this is one heckuva rollercoaster. I just want to keep riding and never get off!

Anna

Welcome!

I'm glad you found us!

Saphie

Welcome.
It seems scary to admit that we've been beaten by alcohol, but it gets so much better without. I promise. Hang in there.

least

Welcome! I too used to think I could one day drink 'normally'. I tried and failed too many times. Now it's all or nothing and I'm giving it my all. Glad you joined us!

Lionne

Welcome!
As you are at the beginning of your journey Isittime, please believe those of us that say life can be good again. It will get better with time, and you will also find alot of support here. Keep reading and posting,
S.

isittime

Last night I trudged through the snow to the liquor store with my 3 year old, trudging through snow, to get a bottle of wine, drank the whole thing and only felt slightly buzzing. When did this happen to me? When did a bottle of wine become something I crave, and how can I drink so much now with so little effect? Hoping to attend an AA meeting this evening.

intention

Hi and welcome.

So many of us have said, how did we get here and yet still disbelieving that were here.....me, an alcoholic???

I hope you can get to a meeting. You will be welcome there. You are not alone in this.

Dee74

Hi isittime

Welcome

Most of us find it a shock to realise what we really are...but you'll find a lot of understanding and support here.

Let us know how the meeting goes

D

Charmie

hello isitme and welcome to soberrecovery.
this is such a familiar story for me.i went to any lengths to get booze,now i go to any lengths to live a fullfilling and useful life.
i drank wether i wanted to or not.i thought when i first stopped driking i was powerless once i started,,what a powerful realisation that i was powerless period!
i found i was powerless over even the thought of the first drink.
so,for 20 years i used booze as my solution to life.........i stop driking and what am i left with? not alot! so i needed to replace my "solution".
i found this in the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.
i am real glad you decided to go to a meeting.please keep us updated.
i have found sr an invaluable tool in my recovery,welcome again.

AaronK

Last night I trudged through the snow to the liquor store with my 3 year old


Been there done that. I was in charge of the kids and ended up passed out on the couch and the wife came home. The girl was watching tv and the boy who was 2 eating crasyon. Not a proud moment. What was scary was there was wine on the countertop that I don't remember buying. This event was not enough for me to quit. My wife and I had a discussion the next morning about quiting and it was that or lose her and the kids. I just agreed because I knew she would let me have a glass of wine here and there and then I could get back on the ride....but I would control it this time.

You have to quit for you. You have to be done with it. Do I want another drink.....YES! Do I feel 100% better now then drunk? YES. You'll sleep through the night in7 days and it will be magic. You can do it. You're with us now.:ghug3

Soph

Hi isitme. I am new to all of this too - well - new to being "out" - I kind of have always dreaded it deep down...and like you, I just want that glass or two of wine. But for me, it's what the wine leads to. Sometimes, hey, nothing...and I wake up and think "Did I say..or did I email...phew, no." But then again, sometimes I would wake up and cringe.

Not that I was naked out on the sidewalk, okay, "not that bad" - but still - maybe snapping at my son, or sending an email I didn't really remember sending. Or even eating stuff I forgot about eating, until I went in the kitchen and thought "Oh yeaaahhh, I did eat that didnt I." Like a person living outside myself! Yes...drugged.

Anyway, I don't know what happened either or how it happened either. I just know that I want alcohol to be a non-issue in my life. Like other drugs: I just don't take drugs, period. Including alcohol. Because I simply am resigned to the *&^% fact that I cannot trust myself, I am powerless, I am beaten, and at least I know I am Not Alone!

Hang in there, go to meetings, they can actually be fun and funny! Lots of laughter at the ones I have gone to. It helps. One day at a time. You can do it!!

coffeenut

The good thing is....you can stop the madness NOW. Your three year old daughter won't have to grow up with a drunk for a mom, like mine had to.

Welcome to SR. Please stay and post.

Ceres

"Last night I trudged through the snow to the liquor store with my 3 year old, trudging through snow"

I used to do this exact same thing. I had to walk too. It got to the point, much to my dismay, that the liquor store clerks knew his first name and would give him candy (rolling eyes). Those peoople were nothing more than my drug dealers. I certainly didn't want them talking to my kid. I used to take "fake" groceries with me. Grabbed some old bags, filled them with various boxes from my pantry... and paraded my fake grocery bags through the liquor store. To announce that this store was just one of many I had to visit today. God forbid even these people think I have a problem.

I hope you were able to get to a meeting. Like me, it's full of people who know EXACTLY what it's like. :-)

RacerX

As a very intellegent recovery alcoholic told me, "Alcoholism is the only disease that will try to convince you that you don't have a disease."

Anyways, I can totally relate to your story as I was a magnum bottle of wine drinker a night (spread out over around 5 hours or so) and I spent countless hours asking the "how did I get here" questions. The easy answer is, simply, I have a disease.

The good news is that you NEVER have to drink another glass of anything alcoholic ever again.

Please take it or leave it, but here are the steps I took and am taking to remain sober (I'm on Day 15).

1. I found this site and spent countless hours reading stories of how members here got and remained sober. You can find them at: Stories of Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

2. I got involved in AA and found a sponsor. I can't emphysis this point enough as what you will find are a ton of loving and supporting alcoholics, just like you, that want to help.

3. I got in one-on-one sessions with a therapist who is also a recovering alcoholic of 13 years.

4. Lastly, I found a psychiatrist who specializes in alcoholism recovery. She has me on a few non-addictive drugs to help me through the early stages of my recovery. Mind you, this step would be 100% worthless without me being actively involved in AA and SR to deal with my mental issues.

I hope this helps and lots of love going out to you in your road to recovery.

RacerX

isittime

Thanks so much for all your replies. My husband has no idea I did that walk to the liquor store. Oh the hiding I would do, it goes on and on. He had gone out that evening with my daughter and my 3 year old son and I were at home. They also gave him candy at the liquore store that night which kind of made me sick to my stomach, thinking, "do they feel sorry for him, knowing he has an alcoholic mom?" Chances are, yes they did. As for the fake groceries, I never did that but I used to try and go to different liquor stores all the time as I was too embarassed to go to the same one EVERY DAY!! I only ever bought one bottle of wine at a time, couldn't stock up because I didn't trust myself with more than that in the house. I'd just drink it of course.

I still have not gone to a meeting, to be honest I have been going to bed early every night, husband it out tonight but tomorrow I should really check one out.

Hevyn

I'm another one who went out in storms to get my fix - the last time was a hurricane & I fell a couple of times, trying to walk through the high water. I cried on my way home and asked myself how it had ever gotten to this point.

My husband didn't know either - I'd keep my stash in the back of a closet & when he brought home a 6-pack he thought that was all we were drinking at night. Ha! I was already half shot when he got home & then just sipped maybe 2 in his presence. How disgusting. In the end I'd have to take a little something with me just so I could grocery shop without shaking. I am so glad to be rid of that poison.

It's wonderful you've found SR - welcome to our family.

isittime

I am glad I found this place too. I need it.

NewBeginning010

I just took a quick look at your old posts to see if it might be useful to remind you of where you were/are.

I finally reached a point where focusing & dedicating my time to recovery was far easier on me & everyone around me than picking up a drink.

Maybe you could try to put the same effort into not drinking as you currently are with your drinking. You can do this but you have to change & do something to make it happen. Posting on this forum a few times a year & not changing anything isnt going to do it. (many have tried & failed at doing this technique... including me)

Lets here about your commitment & new plan to get & stay sober.

All of the best in your recovery ~ NB