Laneparkin

Hi everyone,

Im new here! So sorry if this sounds like a stupid question or what have you.

Anyways, I have been sober from alcohol since November 24th 09. However, I smoked pot over a week ago and told my sponsor about it as I felt fairly ashamed and knew i shouldn't be going out and smoking weed. My sponsor suggested that I change my sobriety date. This got me really angry because Ive never had a problem with weed or drugs (not that I would allow myself to use them whenever I pleased because there potential for addiction is high) and my main problems are alcohol and bulemia. Those are HUGE for me. Furthermore, it is Alcoholics!!! Anonymous...


If you all could shed some light on my dilemma, l would greatly appreciate it. Thanks so much!

Mark75

Change your date. You will be true to yourself that way. It will help lessen your shame. Not everyone will agree. My answer was not simply because you smoked pot, but more because of how you felt about it later.

Welcome to SR

Mark

Laneparkin

The shame is due to the fact that my husband is an addict.... thus the reason I felt horrible about smoking! He's not in recovery and it definitely affects me. Also, my sponsor had the experience of smoking alot of pot in her first couple of months which made me feel like she would disapprove... obviously . No one in recovery would approve of someone using drugs in any way shape or form to change the way they feel.

However, Im just angry and resentful about having to change my sobriety date. I need to let it go but am having alot of trouble doing that. ARGH!!!

Mark75

Yea, I get that.

It's not all about the date, it's about the process... besides, in the long run, what's a couple of months?

But, look, it's about YOU, not me... if you don't think you should change your date, don't... carefully examine your motives though. To thine own self (ie, not me or anyone else...) be true...

Peace
Mark

Anodyne

I, personally, would consider doing/taking any drug that wasn't prescribed by a doctor, or that was an OTC drug used just for 'fun' to be me not being sober that day, and I would change my date.

Tazman53

Welcome to SR Laneparkin.

The best way I know of determing ones sobriety date is by looking in the mirror alone and saying out loud my sobriety date is MM/DD/YYYY, if one feels good when saying that then that I would suggest is a solid sobriety date.

Who are you angry at?

The longer I was sober and working the steps the better I was able to see my parts in matters, forgive myself as well as others, & drop resentments.

Your sobriety date is determined by you & no one else.

getr345

The only "sober date" that really matters is TODAY.

Be sober today, worry about tomorrow when it comes and leave the past where it belongs.

windysan

If you are doing AA or NA then those are the rules I believe.

Tazman53

There are no rules in AA, suggestions..... yes, but no rules.

Ago

if you use a mood or mind altering drug for the purposes of recreation you aren't "sober"

Hence you change your sobriety date

As was mentioned earlier it's about you facing yourself in the mirror, if, for example you had eaten some pot brownies and didn't know there was pot in them, you wouldn't have to change your sobriety date, it's not so much about getting stoned as it is about being honest with yourself and true to your core.

It's about intention:


so you knowingly, methodically and willingly went out and "broke your sobriety" this isn't about your sponsor or even AA, but about you being true to yourself

Back in the "old days" as it were, the early pioneers of AA experimented with all sorts of mood and mind altering drugs in order to try to have a spiritual experience however the experience derived from that was alcoholics have a propensity for "duel addiction" and replacing one mood or mind altering chemical didn't work for a few reasons, one, it blocks the spiritual experience necessary for recovery from alcoholism that AA uses, and two, it lead to addiction to the replacement drug and it lead to frequent relapses more often then not.

it all boils down to what the previous posters were saying, if you can look yourself in the eye and honestly say to yourself "I have been sober since MM__DD__YR__" and not feel like you are lying to yourself, that's your day.

The crux of the matter is not you smoking weed but:

So you knowingly and willingly "broke your sobriety" and now feel guilty about it, that's "the mess" you have to address, we are only as sick as our secrets but those will kill us, literally eat us alive from the inside until we drink again or go bonkers.

I have seen hundreds of people try the marijuana maintenance program and I have seen maybe three of those people succeed, by succeed I mean either not become daily smokers or relapse on alcohol, so the chances of "success" with smoking pot do exist but they are stacked against us.

So, for me, I know I am not one of those people that can do it "successfully", I tried, I tried it more then once, I tried it more then 100 times, it didn't work, no worries, but at the end of the day in order for me to be happy joyous and free as it were I need to be able to look in the mirror and hold my head up high and say to myself:

To Thine Own Self Be True

That is the important thing to address, is the shame, the fact that you got stoned won't kill you but the shame and the guilt behind it can.

If you can be true to yourself and smoke pot, right on, if you can't, that's OK too, for me I had to figure out which I was and then adhere to that.

Slag

It appears you answered your own question....

din

I am an Alcoholic........that being said..........I used to be a pot smoker as well (mainly recreational)

AND, with that in mind
EVERY moning I pray to God
"that I do not put anything into my body OR mind, that he would not have me put there"
(I probably didn't quote it exact, although I read it here on SR and have kept it as one of my morning prayers)

for me, that removes the smoking option as well........

as alcoholics........."we" look for loop holes, don't ya know

Music man

Not drinking is a great improvement, you should be proud.

I have 2 sobriety dates one for drugs 4/08/03

And my new date for drinking is yesterday. 1-31-10.

yeahgr8

Personally i did whatever my sponsor told me to do and its worked out very well...i dont think there is anything wrong with you feeling a bit peeved about having to do this but remember you are not counting down the days, i.e. 3 months down only another 360 until i die and its all over...quality not quantity...and if you go back to your group and share about this and say that you have decided to go back to day one as you are comitted to recovery and feel that your sobriety does include all mind altering subtances you will be looked upon with respect not with condemnation about going back to day 1, which incidentally is all in your head btw;-)

This resentment would be a really good excuse to get pissed, hope you don't though!

Valleyd

A drug is a drug is a drug...in NA we state that alcohol is a drug. I am getting a little disgusted with AA and its "singleness of purpose". I met up with a lady who is a well respected "oldtimer" in AA and I looked forward to learning some things from her about how to live life on life's terms. I was really disappointed and disillusioned to find out that she has been smoking weed! My opinion, since you are asking, is that if you got high on anything then you would need to change your sobriety date, but apparently there are those would would disagree.

flutter

I don't participate in AA or NA, however I would not consider myself clean/sober (for me they happen to go hand in hand, for others that seems to be a novel concept) if I smoked weed, gobbled pills, snorted some coke, drank a beer.. One of the best things about recovery, is learning how to handle life without altering my mind, that was kinda the entire point of me getting clean and sober.

Laneparkin

Thank you all for your insight! Reading your posts has really helped me.

Im going to change my sobriety date. What's two months anyways?? I want to lead a CLEAN AND SOBER life which includes ALL mind altering drugs. So there you have it. Sober date is now January 24th, 2010. What matters most though is TODAY!

Thanks to you all for your help and apologies if it was a redundant question in this thread. You all helped ALOT and it definitely helped in that it took the power away from the issue and relieved me of my resentment.

xoxoxo

Dee74

I think it was a good question lane, and I'm glad you found a solution.
I agree with you btw

Welcome to SR!
D

Slag

What a nice date!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ilsgvm12

I respectfully disagree. We in AA maintain our singleness of purpose for just this reason. All of this going back and forth would destroy our program. To thine own self be true.