Hello everyone, I'm new to this and need advice

Old 01-27-2010, 09:59 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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Hello everyone, I'm new to this and need advice

Hi, I am hoping to get some advice on my situation. My bf is an alcoholic. He has tried several times to stop. Out of our two years together (two years today) I have only seen him 6 months sober. The usual would be a couple months sober then back to a binge. And today is one of those days of all days. He doesn't drink every day but, he goes on binges between 4 to 7 days. He's gone to AA but, didn't want to get a sponsor. He was upset with me because I didn't go to his meetings with him. So he stopped. But, I supported him in every other aspect that I could. I was a social drinker and I have quit that. I've suggested rehab after a binge and he won't listen to that or he'll change the subject. And after many binges I would be there to take care of him while he would detox. I told him if he couldn't stop then, he would have to move out of the house. I couldn't go through another binge and feeling so worried about what he would do next. He is very mean when he drinks. So, I finally had enough nerve to ask him to leave. He left on Thanksgiving day. It was a very sad day for me. I still continue to have a relationship with him. We see each other on the weekends when he's sober. He told me he gave me two years of hell and he promised me he would make our third year a better one. Well, he started a binge today. I don't know what to do anymore. I love him so much and I can't even picture my life without him. I am really sad today, it is our anniversary and I was hoping to spend it with him but, he couldn't give me that.
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Old 01-27-2010, 10:18 AM
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Hello AMarie71, welcome, and I'm sorry for what you are currently going through. I am kinda from "the other side of the fence" since I am an alcoholic.
You will find a lot of support here, and there is also a family and friends of alcoholics section where you can find some support:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Also, have you thought about joining a support group like Al Anon? It can help people who are family, partners or friends of alcoholics. It is very important to take care of yourself first now, especially if you suffer verbal abuse from your boyfriend. From the perspective of an alcoholic, I have to say it is not your fault that he is drinking, and that sadly, you can't help your bf unless he decides to do this for himself, and you cannot do anything to make him stop. Please consider getting support for yourself, take care and all the best,
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Old 01-27-2010, 10:28 AM
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Glad you have found us. The suggestion below is wonderful. I do hope you find the support and strength I have found here at SR
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Old 01-27-2010, 10:51 AM
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Hi and Welcome,

I hope you will find support for yourself.
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Old 01-27-2010, 11:03 AM
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Location: SF Bay area, CA
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I can only urge you to take good care of yourself. You didn't cause his alcohol problems and you can't solve them or 'cure' him. The choice to stop drinking is his. And if he chooses alcohol over you, it would seem he's made his choices. Just remember that you CANNOT make him stop drinking. It is entirely his responsiblity.

Welcome to SR!
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Old 01-27-2010, 11:29 AM
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Adjusting my Sails
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You don't even have to make any decisions about him or your relationship right now so put your mind at ease. You can start you own healing right now at this moment today. You would be amazed at how many people have been or are in your situation that want help and want to help you. If you can't find alanon google AA in your area and they can hook you up with alanon along with the links already given. Take care.
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Old 01-27-2010, 11:55 AM
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Don't resist, allow
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Hi Marie and welcome.

You will find great understanding and support on the Family and Friends forum.
I am sure your boyfriend loves you a great deal but he is in the grips of a very powerful addiction. Look after yourself.
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Old 01-27-2010, 12:25 PM
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Welcome Marie
There's some great advice here - please look after yourself

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Old 01-27-2010, 01:07 PM
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Join Date: Jan 2010
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Welcome Marie.
The only advice I can really give on your current situation is from the opposite side of the coin. I was the alcoholic boyfriend. Two relationships I had in my early through mid twenties crashed and burned pretty bad because of my drinking. Both of these women tried to 'fix' me, or 'cure' my alcoholism. This is something that I don't think can be done until the alcoholic has become disgusted with his/her self enough to WANT to stop. What most people call hitting 'bottom'. You are not his nurse or caretaker, you are his girlfriend.
I wish you luck and there are some really good people here you can talk with when everything seems overwhelming.
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Old 01-27-2010, 04:09 PM
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Thank you all for the welcome. I will look for meetings in my area. I didn't realize there were meetings to help me too. I guess that's my next step on how to deal with this.
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