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I've noticed that I actually talk to people now, and really listen.


I've noticed that I actually talk to people now, and really listen.

Old 01-26-2010, 08:38 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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humblestudent's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 256
I've noticed that I actually talk to people now, and really listen.

When I'm out now, since I can't drink, I usually decide to strike up a conversation with someone. Of course, I used to talk to anyone and everyone drunk off my ***. But I would only remember snippets of the conversation if I was lucky...and I realized tonight that this was preventing me from actually connecting with anyone. Up until literally tonight, when this struck me, I had thought that I was Miss Social Butterfly, etc. Maybe I was, but I couldn't tell you a damn thing we talked about.

Tonight, at a function I was at, with alcohol totally out of the equation, I had not one, but two really enjoyable conversations, where I asked each person a lot about themselves, and found myself truly interested to learn about these people. This was kind of a new experience for me - because normally, I would be fixated on drinking, and being that this was an event where it would be poor form to drink "too much", I'd be wondering if I had gone over the line, and oh, yeah, can I have another drink?

The wine on someone's breath was a bit of a trigger (even though I am not nor have ever been a wine drinker...), but other than that, I honestly didn't give one hoot that they were all drinking and I wasn't. Could've cared less. I've also noticed that since I'm not buying it/drinking it/being physically and emotionally ill from it, that my thoughts are more productive and plentiful. There's more room in my head now for important things that I have heretofore neglected.

Wow - who'd a thunk??

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Old 01-26-2010, 09:00 PM
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Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,209
I know just what you mean. I remember spending hours talking to people and the next day not being able to dredge up a single thing that was discussed. What a waste of our precious time. I'm glad we don't do that anymore!

Thanks for sharing that good news. I hope you'll continue to feel encouraged about your new life.
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Old 01-26-2010, 10:15 PM
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Northern California
Posts: 204
Lol, boy can I relate. When I was a drunken "social butterfly", I went on and on talking total bs and wouldn't let others get a word in edgewise. Then I would have to hear the next day about what stupid or way too personal stuff I said. It's so nice to actually listen to someone without keeping an eye out for the cocktail waitress, and not worry about what I said later. Bonus; other people are a lot more interesting than I thought.
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Old 01-26-2010, 10:32 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 439
That was fun to read Humble, thanks for sharing. Out of self, into others really is neat. Ya whoda' thunk our spirits really do "awaken" to those other spirits around us?
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Old 01-27-2010, 09:26 AM
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Sober Date 12/21/09
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Southern California
Posts: 83
What an excellent post and a great realization. I've noticed this, too. I went out on a boat on New Years Eve with a social group that I just joined. Trapped on a boat with 35 total strangers! But you know what? By not drinking I did the same thing as you. I found myself in really good conversations and feeling like I really got to know a few people. When I was drinking I would try too hard, overcompensate for my insecurities and like you, almost always either say something inappropriate or too personal. And at the end of it, I would always be surprised that the next day I felt like noone liked me.

But this time people contacted me the next day and said how great it was to meet me and invited me to more events. What a difference a drink makes. (or should I say DOESN'T make) LOL Sobriety rocks!
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Old 01-27-2010, 10:56 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Yep that, for me, was the selfishness, self-seeking and self-centredness. I didn't give a hoot about anyone except me and i mean all the time drunk, dry or somewhere inbetween...still if you asked most people i would be described as a nice fun guy but i wasn't...thank God i can see that now!
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