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Vicodin Addition...how to handle this

Old 01-25-2010, 06:15 PM
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Vicodin Addition...how to handle this

Greetings:

In November, I met a woman at work that was strickly a friendship thing. She was my work flow coordinator and I talked to her over the phone everyday. (I work for comcast and she booked my jobs for me) Eventually, we got together and everything had been going great until last week when
she started to pull away a bit and I figured that she was growing tired of the committed relationship that we had formed and I braced myself for a breakup only planning to ask her what went wrong. Well Saturday night I went out with my friends and I thought that she had gone out with hers. About midnight I decided I was drunk enough and sent her a text (we had been texting the whole night back and forth) asking her if she was staying at her friends and not to drink and drive.

She tells me that she is already home and from the way she was talking I knew something was wrong. I asked her if she wanted to tell me about it, to which she replied that she did not right now, but she really would like me to come over. So I went over there and as soon as I layed in bed with her, she started to cry.

I knew right then and there, that something was seriously wrong and I tell her that I have so much I want to say to her, but I don't know how to say it. She says I need to speak first and she then tells me that for the last year, she's been addicted to vicodin. Now I knew she took them because she has cronic back pain as well as constant migraines but she has a prescription for them so I thought nothing of it. She tells me though that she's been getting even more of them and that its starting to ruin her. She also tells me that she's up to about 15 pills a day. She's also scared ******** that I'm going to leave her over this. I don't need to explain our relationship, but I'll leave it as its probably the most comfortable, even sided relationship that I've ever been in.

I've already made up my mind that I'm not going to leave her at this point in time, but what scares me is that the person I got to know may not be the real her. I've also made up my mind to be there for her, but thats where I'm lost at. How much help do I give her? How much can I push her? Should I even push her at all? She is the one who came out about this and even told her mother about it hours before she told me about it. Our relationship is a only just over a month old which does not allow me much room to push her if she needs the push.

What I'm really asking for is have any of you ever been through vicodin addiction? What should I expect? What ways can I let her lean against me for support and what should I stand back at and let her keep her own support. Thanks for reading this and whatever ideas you guys have, I would be happy to read them. Most of all, thanks for listening. I can't tell anyone else about this and I really want some advice.
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Old 01-25-2010, 06:47 PM
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I'm a recovering addict whose drug of choice (DOC) was Vicodin . . . I was addicted to them for 25 years. This addiction caused me to lose so much in that time frame. It cost me two marriages, many friends, many, many jobs, the respect and trust of so many of my family and friends who didn't wash their hands of me. But most of all, I lost all respect for myself.

The thing I want to express the most is that you cannot push her into getting help for her addiction. It's like the old saying, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I put myself into treatment many times for all the wrong reasons. . . to please my family, the Courts, everyone but myself.

What I would suggest is letting her know that you are there for her, that you don't plan on walking away from her at this point. As addicts, one of our biggest fears is abandonment. Most of us have lost many people in our lives so we're naturally scared that the people we care for are going to suddenly disappear.

I'd like to suggest that you go to Alanon or Naranon Meetings. I know she's addicted to Vicodin, not alcohol, but Alanon has some very strong Alanon groups out there. Naranon has some too, but not nearly as many. At these Meetings, they will deal with what you should do and not do about her addiction and how to help her, but mostly what you can do for yourself throughout all of this. You'll meet other people who have an addict or alcoholic in their lives. Just google Alanon Meetings in your city and it should give you a list of Meetings or a contact number.

I also suggest not bringing up the subject of her getting help unless she brings it up. I've seen it happen too many times where the significant other of the addict keeps asking, "Did you find somewhere for treatment? Have you used today? How many pills did you take? Are you going to go to a Meeting? . . . " This is her disease. She has to be the one to reach out for help. If she asks you to go to Meetings with her, then by all means go, if it's something you feel comfortable doing.

Us addicts are very complicated people. Just when you think you know what mood we're in, we're more than likely to flip moods very quickly. Especially if it's a female addict! lol (Sorry, just trying to put a smile on your face.)

We have a friends and family forum of substance abuse on this site. I'm sorry, I can't remember exactly what it's called, but you'll see it.

The bottom line is, support her, don't smother her.

God Bless,
Judy
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Old 01-25-2010, 07:24 PM
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That's exactly what it's called Judy -


Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome to SR Jlew
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Old 01-25-2010, 07:29 PM
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Oh god, thank you.

I feel like I've been walking on egg shells for the past 2 days. I haven't known what I should or shouldn't do. I don't have to push her to stop because she has made that choice on her own. She told me about her addiction on saturday about 1am. The last time she took a pill was friday at around 6pm.

With how irritable she had been on the days leading up to this, I'm quite sure that she had been slowing down/attempting to slow down up until that point on Friday where she took that pill and said enough. The thing with my girlfriend is she is a very strong and independent woman. Thats one of the things thats made me feel this way for her. She's only 25 and raising a 6 year old daughter. Not only this but she owns her own home!

The comment you made at the bottom of your post. Support her, don't smother her. God thats going to be a hard one. I want to give her the space she needs, but at the same time I want to be there if she needs me. For example, I stayed the night with her last night, but I left after taking her daughter to school for her so she could try to get more sleep. She went to the doctors today and basicly the only time I texted her was to find out if she needed me to pick up her daughter from school. After that she called me to tell me how things went and what the doctor did for her.

I tried not to get too deep into what it was and let her explain to me but of course I had some questions. Not only that but she told me her dealer has been texting her asking her how she's doing. I made the suggestion that she delete the dealers number if she felt comfortable in doing so, but that was really all I said on the subject.

I would also like to thank you for those meeting suggestions. Not only will I look into them, but I will suggest them to her mother as well and perhaps I can go with her mother because her and I are going to be my girlfriends biggest supporting people.

I'm so glad I found this site. The first response to my post felt like it lifted a few pounds of the 1000 lbs load that was put on my shoulders after she told me.
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