lostmyway

I was the most peaceful person when I drank. Now I'm 28 days sober and my husband says he is actually afraid of me. There is something in me that I just can't calm. I used to let people walk all over me. Now I am confrontational; I am more than happy to get into an arguement and I don't back down. How could my entire personality have changed so quickly? Is this the real me? If so, I'm not sure I like the real me.

I also feel like I've regressed to about 17 years old again. I just want to REBEL, whether it be with hair color, clothes, the tattoo I just recently got, even silly things like neon colored nail polish. It seems so silly because I am 27 years old and not very grown up!

Has anyone else been through this? What is it all about?

wicked

Hello lostmyway,

I am 50 years old and going thru this! I want to do crazy things like get a tattoo, run away from home for a few days, drive fast and other foolish things. My children (28, 18 and 17) wonder and ask "What is up? Are you crazy?"
LOL
No, I just feel good, really good. I started drinking at 16 years old and retreated from life with alcoholism and depression. I no longer drink and now take Effexor. I am feeling like I want to have some fun, maybe teenage fun, rebellious fun, but fun nonetheless.
Sigh.......
I do get angry at drivers that tailgate me, or just seem stupid. Judgement time! LOL
I just breathe and realize, its my problem, and I am holding the hot coal of resentment, and want someone to take it from me. I can just drop it now. But I am human!
Beth

jch116

I wish I had advice for you, but I don't as I am also newly sober (three weeks this time and God willing it will last) and am also experiencing some pretty intense anger at times. I also was much more passive before, and often if something really bothered me or upset me or made me angry I would drink and then not care. Know that that option is gone, I guess we have to feel our feelings and learn how to handle them sober. I know I have never learned how to do that before, so yeah we probably DO feel like 17 year olds at times. I've been drinking since I was 14 so I think I missed an awful lot of growing up, instead of facing and dealing with pain and anger I hid in a bottle. So I guess it's to be expected that we would feel angry and upset and not know how to deal with it sometimes. I come here for support, and I still have not gone to an AA meeting yet even though I know I belong there. Too afraid right now I guess. Keep posting, there is some wonderful support and help here, people who truly understand what you are going through.

Dee74

It's very common I think.
We numbed ourselves for years.
Kinda like the dam wall is gone now and the 'water' has to find its level again.

This might help explain some stuff too

Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) — Why we don’t get better immediately) Digital Dharma

Beligerent

I can relate to this. I'm 24 days without a drink and tonight I'm angry that I lost my license, angry that dinner wasnt good, angry that my DVR is broke. You name it I wanna fight about it.

shaun00

yes i can identify with that.

short period though.. maybe 10 days into detox when all i wanted to do was throttle the life out of most people..thankfully i didnt.......and knew it was unstable behavior...lasting maybe a week.

once the physical symptoms of detox subside i wonder how long it takes for the brain to recover from all that chemical "tinkering"

i put it down to that but........i never went to the docs which may be a good idea if you want a qualified opinion.

Ceres

"I also feel like I've regressed to about 17 years old again. I just want to REBEL, whether it be with hair color, clothes, the tattoo I just recently got, even silly things like neon colored nail polish. It seems so silly because I am 27 years old and not very grown up!"

I think I've found my twin!

That was me to the "T". Nah, it's not who you are. Just an extreme. when I had 30days -It was me only X10. I could't sit still and I dressed like a porn star minus the boobs. It'll pass.

lionheart

I have moments like these and it will be about the silliest things that arent even worth being angry over. It will be like, I forgot to put more coke zero in the fridge so i would get sooo angry and want to go mental or my partner forgot to put a new toilet roll on...like really, in the scheme of things, these things arent worth worry or anger but for some reason i fly off like a crazy woman...

Embrace it - we are NOW feeling every emotion possible, from extreme to extreme.

I try and think of it as exciting - wow, i just had the most full on emotion..

it changes and settles me down a bit...still learning though - day 37 and still feeling like im 17 too!

chicubs1

I'm only 3 weeks in and I can tell you the range of emotions has been unbelievable. A lot of repressed feelings have come up and with them the anger, sadness, regret etc. One day my wife scratched the car I wanted to punch everything in sight and another I was welling up with tears talking to my best friend at Starbucks. It's all part of recovery and a constant battle, but well worth it!

Tazman53

I was like you as well in early sobriety, I was the nicest person usually when I was drinking, the main reason was that alcohol had been my solution to everything in life for many years and since I was not drinking any more I no longer had a solution for life, I got POed over the littlest thing, I was angry at the world, I was angry that I was an alcoholic and I had no solution for all of these emotions that were hitting me in sobriety.

What I found was that going to AA meetings helped a lot, people telling me that what I was feeling was the way they felt early in sobriety as well.

These same people told me that they had found a solution for thier lifes that did not involve alcohol or drugs at all and they took me by the hand and shared with me the solution they had found.

AA is not the only recovery program out there though. Are you working any recovery program? Walking the path of sobriety I have found to be far easier when I have others walking that same path with me.

joedris

Part of the problem is that you probably used alcohol to deal with all those issues in life that could make you angry. Without the crutch now, the anger is beginning to surface. Other emotions will likely follow. I think your experience is fairly common. I had all sorts of issues and emotions sprout up when I first got sober. What you have to do now is learn how to deal with those issues. Anger is not a good thing for an alcoholic as it leads to resentments and then you're right back drinking again. I'll go along with what Taz said. Go to AA or, if that doesn't work for you, find another sobriety program that will teach you how to deal with these things. It's all part of a successful recovery.

littlefish

I hated the world too in early sobriety. I had a lot of underlying emotional issues that I had been numbing with alcohol. When there was no comfortably numb juice in my system, the anger presented itself.

I would strongly suggest a program, any kind of program, AA or a secular program. many of the secular programs use the 12 step method which is a self-improvement program that helps us understand our underlying issues, our view of ourselves and our relationship to the world.

Anna

I, too, suspect that this is part of you finding your way.

For me, balance is crucial to recovery and I am sure you will find your balance as time goes by.

lostmyway

I am glad for all the support I am getting in this thread; I now have the knowledge that I am not alone and this is not uncommon. I am in AA and it is helping me tremendously. I'll be getting my 30 day coin soon But I've been in and out of the program three times and I didn't want to go about getting a sponsor or working the steps until I was sure that I was going to stick it out and be serious about starting my recovery. I have a temporary sponsor as of yesterday. She wants me to read the big book from beginning to end and check in with her every couple of days. However, she is an older woman and thinks I need a sponsor more my age. So, most likely I will end up being sponsored by someone else.

BTW, jch116, you had some very sound advice for someone who is so newly sober. Thank you for that.