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Old 01-24-2010, 03:52 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Hi Steven

Welcome to SR!

I can relate to the Hemingway/Hunter dream too. It nearly killed me - cycles of drinking and living large til I got sick...then the same kind of obsessive intensity to get well and healthy again...then start the process all over.

The key for me was stopping the booze. Breaking the cycle starts with...breaking the cycle.

In your case I know you have a couple of other things going on too. I know you're scared about losing your xanax but I really do advise you to be totally honest and open with your Dr - we can use all the help nd support we can get...and these addictions never get better....

if you don't think you can speak with or trust the current one, it may be time to find a new Dr.

Stick around - you'll find a lot of support here
D
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Old 01-24-2010, 03:59 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Welcome to you too Wytchy!
I'm glad you met a kindred spirit here already

I wonlt repeat myself with what I said to Steven - I know you'll find support and encouragement here too.

You're fine to keep posting wherever you like, but feel free to start your own thread anytime you like

We don't bite - most of us anyway
D
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Wytchy (01-24-2010)
Old 01-24-2010, 04:01 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by intention View Post
Hi Wytchy,

I understand what you are saying. It is important to go to meetings where the solution and recovery are shared as well as the stories and what it is like to drink.

Having said that, that's the only meeting you have access to. How about just trying to go for one a week to start with. This disease we have will do anything to get us to drink or use and it will get your head listing all the reasons why you shouldn't go to the meeting. It's suceeding.

Try to make the other list - all the reasons why you should go and it is benefical for you. Put out of your mind all the boring negative crap your head tells you and really find some good points and keep your mind focused on them.

You know from experience you cannot do this alone. Yes this site is fantastic but finding yourself a good sponsor will be of enormous benefit.....you need to work the steps to recover.......and you will only find a sponsor if you keep going to meetings.
Take care.
Thanks again, Intention

But you're bringing up a sponsor is another thing I had a problem with. In my entire 14 months of attending my home group, I asked every single one of those people who ALWAYS had to lead the table (no matter which table I sat at) if they would sponsor me. They had all been in recovery and abstinent for as long as 25 years.

It just felt like a clique. Not one of those people would sponsor me citing they were "too busy". That only disenchanted me even more. I felt unworthy of their time.

Again, this might sound like an excuse, but it was painful to attend meetings for 14 months and not be able to find a single person who had time to sponsor me.

Maybe I'll try my home group again. The location has changed but it's still only a few blocks driving time from my home. I haven't been to my home group in three years now. Just maybe the dynamics have changed. At least I'm hoping and praying.

Now I just need to find where the new meeting place is since I know they were recently forced to find a new meeting place since their former 'lease' was taken away from them.

Thanks again.

Edited to add: Even though my former home group's location has changed, I know it can't be more than a few blocks from since the town is so small. I'll be calling the local hospital tomorrow to ask them the new location. I know the local hospital will have the info.
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Old 01-24-2010, 04:15 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Welcome to you too Wytchy!
I'm glad you met a kindred spirit here already

I wonlt repeat myself with what I said to Steven - I know you'll find support and encouragement here too.

You're fine to keep posting wherever you like, but feel free to start your own thread anytime you like

We don't bite - most of us anyway
D
Sorry. I guess I hijacked Steven's thread. I registered toward the end of December but hadn't logged back in to post until today after the serious scare of "sleeping" for more than 24 hours after my Friday night drinking binge combined with Klonopin and Vicodin.

Good to hear you guys don't bite, though.

Edited to add: While I was trying to decide whether to start my own thread or just post to another thread, I saw Steven's thread. Now I realize I hijacked it was is just bad manners. Again, I apologize to Steven and everyone else.
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Old 01-24-2010, 05:33 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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U didn't hijack my thread.. If anything, u were one of the first who cared to post... I love all of u for posting and trying to help me.... If I can ever return the favor, I would 1000 fold...
I'm afraid I didnt behave as I'd liked today... 13 beers.. 3 grams of xanax.. but its half of what I ingested yesterday. You people have been wonderful, and I've already felt a great deal of hope..

Thank u
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Old 01-24-2010, 06:20 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Steven35 View Post
U didn't hijack my thread.. If anything, u were one of the first who cared to post... I love all of u for posting and trying to help me.... If I can ever return the favor, I would 1000 fold...
I'm afraid I didnt behave as I'd liked today... 13 beers.. 3 grams of xanax.. but its half of what I ingested yesterday. You people have been wonderful, and I've already felt a great deal of hope..

Thank u
Thanks Steven. You're generous. I still believe I hijacked your thread. And with your latest news of 13 beers and 3 grams of Xanax, I'm even more worried about you.

As you know, I had my own horror story to post earlier about my lost 24 hours after mixing booze with Klonopin and Vicodin.

I have since removed my Klonopin and Vicodin out of reach unless I want to risk breaking my neck climbing onto a wobbly stool to reach them. I have no booze in the house at this time.

Generally, I never take more than the recommended dosages of my meds unless I've been drinking.

Please, Steven...take care of yourself. I'm so worried for you now.
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Old 01-24-2010, 06:37 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Welcome Steven and Wytchy!

There's lots of caring, hope and support here.

Look forward to hearing more from you.

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Old 01-24-2010, 09:09 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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Thank u witchy, for yo0ur ckncern... I've taken much more than what I've taken recently, yet somehow survived... I think the worst was 34 beers, 7mg of x, and 4 grams ofcoke... I hate it all, and want nothing more than to go to sleep pure.... No toxins... I want to be clean so badly.. and Iwant to feel love again

thanks
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Old 01-25-2010, 12:08 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
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Hi Wytchy,

That's a shame that you had that experience with AA. I am glad you are going to give it another go. Let's hope it has changed a little.

If you get the same response again that people are too busy to sponsor you then I suggest that you ask them to help you find a sponsor. Now that is a request they can't really refuse. You could also be very open whether it is after a meeting or in sharing that you are in need of a sponsor and see if that opens a door.

In the meantime we are here and there are plenty of older timers who have been to all sorts of meetings who could give you advice on how to handle the situation.
Congratulations on taking some action to find the new meeting.
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Old 01-25-2010, 12:51 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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If it looked like I was castigating you, Wytchy, I wasn't

There's malicious or selfish hijacking.... and then there's what you did today - the recognising of a similar story to share and the genuine care and concern of one person for another.

That's pretty much SR to me in a nutshell
It's all good.

I hope I'll see you, and you too Steven, around a lot more.
D
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Old 01-25-2010, 10:15 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
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Hi all,
I hope you r well. Last night was not so good.. Even after ingesting 13 beers and 3 mg of xanax over the day, I was a wreck at about 3:00 am. I got up and tried to distract myself by cleaning the kitchen but it wasn't long before that demon monkey slipped it's icy cold arms around.. I ate a 1mg klonopin and drank 4 coors light, went back to bed and fell into a horrid,sweaty sleep where I dreamt of the song "Oh Donna" by Richie Valens, except the chorus was "Obama" (No Joke)
Now I am up and about to have some egg whites but my emotions are a trainwreck.. I feel so fragile.. like I'm made of balsa wood and gauze...

I probably would've taken Xanax but I dont have enough b/c I abused it

6 beers sit in my fridge, and I feelk like absolute garbage..

U people were great last night, by the way.. Things would've been MUCH worse without you. Thanks for your gentle kindness...

-Steve-
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