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Old 01-20-2010, 11:47 AM
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Hello all

So this is where I'm at. I know I need to not drink. I've tried in the past to quit. I can't control myself, 1 beer turns to 2, 2 to 10. Problem is I don't know what life would hold if I don't drink. Seems like every day as long as I can remember ended with a beer...

Alcohol destroyed my family. Odd thing is it was my soon to be ex wifes problems with it that ended us, I have custody of my 7 year old son and do my best to keep it away from him.

I know this, I'm starting today. I understand there are a ton of resources on this sight, however I'm looking for some more tailored advice.

Thank you for your time.
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Old 01-20-2010, 11:52 AM
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Welcome to SR dajeff.
It is nice to hear that you are taking responsibility and care for your young son.
I don't have much advice but want to say if it is hard to do it for yourself do it for him.
It is hard to see at the time but drinking does affect our children more than we ever realize.
If I have one regret it is the effect that my drinking had on my children.
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Old 01-20-2010, 11:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Fubarcdn View Post
Welcome to SR dajeff.
It is nice to hear that you are taking responsibility and care for your young son.
I don't have much advice but want to say if it is hard to do it for yourself do it for him.
It is hard to see at the time but drinking does affect our children more than we ever realize.
If I have one regret it is the effect that my drinking had on my children.
Thank you for the words of encouragement.
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Old 01-20-2010, 12:07 PM
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Glad you are here. I hope you find SR to be as useful as I have. It has provided me with support, experience, and hope when I have needed it.
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Old 01-20-2010, 12:25 PM
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Tailored advice, huh? You describe your experience as 1 to 2, 2 to 10. Does that sound like "if, when drinking, you have little control over the amount you take."

I would plan on having a couple of drinks. I'd say one more and then I'm leaving. And I'd have one more. Then I'd say one more and I'm leaving. And I'd have one more. Then I'd say one more and I'm leaving...

You get the idea. And then I'd stop at the convenience store on the way home for a few more, just in case. Or, as my alcoholism progressed, in the morning, I'd just have to take that one drink to calm down and stop shaking. And I really believed it. Then, horror, it's 9:30, I'm smashed, have to call work and lie about why I can't come in, full of fear, drink more to bury it.

AA's Big Book describes that inability to control the amount as a craving. It's the one symptom all alcoholics have in common. It's an abnormal reaction to alcohol, termed in that book as an allergy. When I drink, my response is a strong desire for more. Supposedly, about 10% or so of the population has that 'allergy'.

My only solution is to stay away from booze entirely. Can you do that, dajeff? Stay away entirely? If you can, your problem is solved. If you can't, AA has a solution.
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Old 01-20-2010, 12:48 PM
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I would only plan to have one or two, but those would always turn into 6, 7, 8 and so on. I never seemed to have a stopping point until I passed out.

Believe it or not life without alcohol is so much better. In the beginning its very hard, but in time you'll find other things to fill your time. Its so worth it!!

I don't have the advice you are looking for, but my first suggestion would be to see your doctor. That was the first thing I did.

I wish you all the best
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Old 01-20-2010, 01:30 PM
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Hi and welcome
It's great you are starting today....this is day 1 again for me too.
Best wishes
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Old 01-20-2010, 01:57 PM
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Problem is I don't know what life would hold if I don't drink.
Hi dajeff

None of us did - I think that fear, that uncertainty kept a lot of us drinking.
All I can give you is my experience - it wasn't always easy, but it was worth it

I'm near 3 years sober now - I'm not only close to the man I always wanted to be, but altho I'm not rich or successful, I'm happy and content with my life - the fact I don't drink is almost an afterthought.

If you're anywhere as beaten down and enslaved by booze as I was, a life free of all that is something to look forward to

Just take the same way any of us did - a day at a time.
You'll find a lot of support here too - welcome to SR!
D
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Old 01-20-2010, 02:55 PM
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Originally Posted by Stayinfree View Post
Hi and welcome
It's great you are starting today....this is day 1 again for me too.
Best wishes

I don't know about you but I feel like a man taking the first step towards walking across the sahara.

best wishes to you as well.
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Old 01-20-2010, 02:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi dajeff

None of us did - I think that fear, that uncertainty kept a lot of us drinking.
All I can give you is my experience - it wasn't always easy, but it was worth it

I'm near 3 years sober now - I'm not only close to the man I always wanted to be, but altho I'm not rich or successful, I'm happy and content with my life - the fact I don't drink is almost an afterthought.

If you're anywhere as beaten down and enslaved by booze as I was, a life free of all that is something to look forward to

Just take the same way any of us did - a day at a time.
You'll find a lot of support here too - welcome to SR!
D


messages like these are what I hoped for when registering here. Thanks a ton.
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Old 01-20-2010, 03:46 PM
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Hi and welcome,

The Big Book has a passage that describes the feeling of not being able to imagine your life with or without the drink. I'm sure someone else on this site can provide the proper quote.

I'm not a BB thumper, but it is a perfect description of the feeling that most of us felt when we first thought about giving up drinking. So I understand. I have not too long in sobriety, almost three months. And my life has changed for the better. I feel better, no more hangovers, more money, lost weight, etc., but the main difference is my state of mind and the lessening of my anxiety.

I've found AA to be a great support, along with this site. AA isn't for everyone, but does provide a great support network and a lot of good advice.

Give sobriety a try. The bars and liquor stores will always be there. You have nothing to lose and yourself to gain.
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Old 01-20-2010, 04:10 PM
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Welcome dajeff. I completely agree with you - I was a fish out of water for awhile when I first quit. I had become so used to numbing myself, I didn't even remember what it felt like to get through the day without my anesthesia.

I had the same situation as you - it was my husband's drinking that ended our 12 yr. marriage. I couldn't take the rollercoaster ride anymore & took our son & left. He never did see the light. Then I developed my own dependence on it. Strange, isn't it? I guess I didn't learn any lessons from his behavior. At least we're getting it right now, though.

When I came to SR I found so many people just like me. It was such a relief to no longer be alone in my private hell. I thought I was unusual & no one would understand what I was going through. I was still drinking when I got here, but reading everyone else's experiences made me want to have what they had - a life free from being a slave to alcohol. It took awhile before I felt the happiness I was looking for, but it came. When I least expected it, hope and joy returned to my life. It'll happen to you, too.
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Old 01-20-2010, 04:18 PM
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Hi dajeff74,

Well, I can definitely empathize with you and not sympathize for you! Today is my first day of sobriety as well. I also catch myself racing ahead to the whole, "How can I not drink EVER again" kind of thought process. My psychiatrist told me to leave that to her and to my support group at AA - I just need to stick to the plan she has given me today. I'm just trying to change the brain channel when those thoughts pop up.

Anyways, God bless, and please know that I stand with you on a new daily journey.

RacerX
P.S. I don't know how our stories end, but I hear it's pretty good!
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Old 01-20-2010, 07:46 PM
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[QUOTE=RacerX;2492516]Hi dajeff74,

Well, I can definitely empathize with you and not sympathize for you! Today is my first day of sobriety as well. I also catch myself racing ahead to the whole, "How can I not drink EVER again" kind of thought process. My psychiatrist told me to leave that to her and to my support group at AA - I just need to stick to the plan she has given me today. I'm just trying to change the brain channel when those thoughts pop up.

Anyways, God bless, and please know that I stand with you on a new daily journey.

RacerX
P.S. I don't know how our stories end, but I hear it's pretty good![/QUOTE]

This is what I'm hoping for.
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Old 01-20-2010, 09:01 PM
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Welcome to SR, dajeff. SR can be a huge source of support....I hope you stay.
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