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Girlfriend of an Alcoholic with 1000 questions.

Old 01-18-2010, 02:21 PM
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Question Girlfriend of an Alcoholic with 1000 questions.

Hi everyone.
I’m 26 years old and have been with my 30 year old boyfriend for nearly 3 years now.
I think my boyfriend is an alcoholic. I don’t know any other alcoholics and I’d like to know just how bad he is in the scheme of things.

When I met him he was drinking about 400-600ml of bourbon whisky per night. Mixing it with cola and sipping it until he had enough and crawled into bed.
His drinking habits changed within 3 months of meeting me and he stopped drinking from big bottles. And turned to pre-mixers in cans. He will have a max of 6 cans per night and usually will do this 2-3 times per night. Some night it’s much less and he will just have a few beers. I never asked him to do this it was all his own initiative. I did however talk to him about breaking up because his alcohol wasn’t working for me but he didn’t want to break up and so he changed a bit.
I should mention he is a lonesome drinker and when he has a few he is the kindest and gentlest man on the planet. When he is sober he snaps more easily and loses his temper. He was an angry teen and the alcohol calmed him down so he stuck to it. (thats what he says) I’m trying a lot of positive reinforcement and when he gets angry I try to talk to him about why his is angry and tell him that he has a right to be angry and that it’s ok for him to be angry. (me thinking that he doesn’t have to try to stop being angry by drinking).
SO at the moment he was gone about 5 nights with no drinks and then 3 night of having a 6pc of bourbon pre mixers and now he is on night 3 again without.
If he had to restrict for whatever reason eg: staying with my parents for a few days then he can do that without a problem.
2 weeks ago we went to the doctor and he had some tests done including a liver function test. I called up the surgery and the doctor requested he come back to talk about the results of his blood test but added that it wasn’t urgent. So he is going next week.
SO how bad is he???? Is this what most normal men do? Or is falling off the rails??

I also want to know if I fell pregnant could our baby be abnormal and unhealthy? I’m a healthy girl I avoid refined foods and caffeine I make crazy smoothies with fruit and spinach I take vitamins and minerals. Do most alcoholic fathers produce healthy offspring or sick offspring? I found a few medical journal articles saying that alcohol damages the mechanisms that make/create sperm and the damage is irreversible i also read the sperm of alcoholics have bent tails and are malformed.

I’m sorry of my questions are childish. But I want to stay with this man and he wants to get engaged and i want to know a few things and jump into anything.

any information would be really apreciated.
many thanks.
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Old 01-18-2010, 02:29 PM
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Hi and welcome,



Only he can tell if he is an alcoholic or not ......or how bad it is but many alcohlics do not drink every day (that's me) and can give up easily for periods of time (that's me)

I can't answer your question about alcohol's effect on sperm and whether or not it would affect a baby but I can tell you that your baby is likely to have a really bad life if its Dad is an alcoholic and it will get damaged, even if born physically perfect. Please do not think of having children with this man until you have resolved these issues. If drinking has already caused problems in your relationship, it will cause more.

There is plenty of support on the family and friends forum from people in your situation. Ultimately you need to look after yourself here.
take care.
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Old 01-18-2010, 02:41 PM
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Hi all4him

Welcome to SR

I don't know whether you're bf is an alcoholic or not - for me, how much we drink or how frequently is not as important as why we drink, how we drink...or what happens to us when we drink (or don't drink).

I think the really important question is how does his drinking or non drinking, and especially his anger, affect you?

We have a friend and families section here as well - if you want to check it out, you will find people down there to help too

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D
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Old 01-18-2010, 07:28 PM
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Not a Dr but...

Originally Posted by all4him View Post
I also want to know if I fell pregnant could our baby be abnormal and unhealthy? I’m a healthy girl I avoid refined foods and caffeine I make crazy smoothies with fruit and spinach I take vitamins and minerals. Do most alcoholic fathers produce healthy offspring or sick offspring? I found a few medical journal articles saying that alcohol damages the mechanisms that make/create sperm and the damage is irreversible i also read the sperm of alcoholics have bent tails and are malformed.
I am not a physician but your baby - and every other baby in the world - could suffer from some developmental problems - raw facts here....

There are risk factors the world over but on average, spinach and vitamins alone do not make the world a better place for the majority of people.

If a zygote is not viable, regardless of sperm/egg compatibility, it will terminate and that is the sad but statistically prevalent nature of the world.
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Old 01-18-2010, 09:25 PM
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If alcohol is causing a problem with his anger then he may be masking some of his true feelings with the alcohol. And me, being an alcoholic, hid so many feelings with alcohol it all bottlenecked and overwhelmed me. I'm not saying he has a problem and you wont be able to help him unless he wants the help, but he definetly needs to know how you TRULY feel about it.

ohh and Welcome to SR!!

much love
Justin
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Old 01-18-2010, 09:40 PM
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Family and friends section may be able to help more:-)

One thing is certain sane, mature people do not drink like that...period!
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Old 01-18-2010, 10:04 PM
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I've never heard of a baby being malformed because the dad drank alcohol, but you could ask your dr
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