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Things you sponsor had you do in early recovery

Old 01-18-2010, 08:36 AM
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Things you sponsor had you do in early recovery

Seems like this might be a good thread here. My higher power no doubt drew my sponsor to me. We worked together so well, it's weird. She never left me in "dark" to figue things out alone. I was like a kindergarter. She took me by the hand and led me step-by-step. Of course I had to do the work. I did everything I was told to do. It made it so easy. A couple things I don't know what I'd have done without:

Meeting with me twice a week the first 60-days for an hour. And she meant an hour! It's wasn't girl talk or listening to me whine. At every session I was given homework. Somethings to do and some things to read. I had to highlight what I read that I felt connected with. And we discussed at our next meeting. Some may think they don't have the time for this. But it's 2 hours out of 168 hours in a week.

We still meet one a week, although less formally. We both make it a point to catch up by showing up at our home group meeting an hour early.

For the first 30-days I had a daily to-do list that accounted for my every minute. From cleaning to playing with my kids. It was all scheduled. I was then calling her each night to go through the to-do list and see how I did = Accountability.

In addition to the reading "homework" I was given things to do like giving three compliments a day. And writing them down. Some may look at this as ungenuine. But, it trained me to be genuine. Now instead of thinking "gosh, she looks good today" I actually SAY it and it comes naturally.

Also looking back she did a great job of letting AA do the work. She kept herself out of it and let the program do the talking. As such, she was never perplexed about what to say or what to do in any given crisis I handed her.

It was the perfect mixture of being compassionate and at the same time - letting me know that the person I was, was unacceptable.

Of course the real glue was doing all I was told.
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Old 01-18-2010, 11:09 AM
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Wow i was told to not pick up a drink, read the big book and get on with step 4 which would be followed by phone calls every other day saying have you done x yet...cmon....through to step 9...where it turned to have you made x amend yet...cmon...

We did meet for coffees about twice a week and dinner out with other AA folks almost every week...tell you one thing he must have been glad when i did step 9 cos i was quite relieved too, some of the rubbish i talked in the times i saw him before that was literally unbelievable...my best one was saying to him 'you can tell me to believe or do x but i absolutely won't change my stance on that'...then him explaining why i had to believe/do it and me believing/doing it, literally 5 minutes later lol

He's a good lad and saved my life, when we talk now it's like a couple of mates having a convo...i still run things past him and he tells me to do stuff although it is more living stuff now...i trust him 100% and some things he leaves up to me to decide to do, some things he says i have to do them and i do them...

Important to note that he does have a couple of flaws which he does recognise about himself, even after 24 years of sobriety, but by seeing them and working on them he shows me things to watch out for as well as things to aspire for...it is an amzing relationship to have with another human being and one that i am very grateful for:-)
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Old 01-18-2010, 11:23 AM
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Called my sponsor while I was um.... Fairly enibriated. He offered me Hookers and other common vices (things I never did). Then took me to a meeting. I was happy for being welcomed. Lost contact with the guy as I went " back out
there". In retrospect it's one of those experiences that I can look back on and get strength from, because I know I will never be in the same situation again and realize just how crazy I used to be. Hope I bump into him sometime in the future. It's amazing how ones perspective changes with six months of sobriety and a quality program.
A fellow AAer mentioned that during one of his binges, his sponsor picked him up, drove him out into the desert with a shovel, and had him dig his own grave while wasted on booz and coke. Some great/ interesting stories out there.

Last edited by ElegantlyWasted; 01-18-2010 at 11:28 AM. Reason: TYpo
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Old 01-18-2010, 12:02 PM
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I was her first sponcee, so it was a lot of trial and error and I think, in part, she did some good things. Went over the steps with me and, when I kept doing things without thinking, made me keep a journal for two weeks, noting things I did without thinking. Everything from driving down a certain street, going to the restroom, brushing my hair, and going to bed. To everything in between. She didn't check it or hold me accountable. And she also ended up giving my phone number out to people I specifically asked her not to do, to becoming hard to reach. And I haven't gone to local meetings since plus I've stayed rather distant with others.. I think, it's definitely been long enough to let the past stay where it is and get going back to meetings locally, so I can go to more and give things another go. After all, I do know which meetings I do like to go to locally. I hope they are still there. I'll have to check it out..
Thanks for reminding me that I've been talking the talk, I need to walk it now.
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Old 01-18-2010, 12:36 PM
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I like the compliment thing. When I think something positive about someone and don't say anything it's usually because I'm worried they'll think I'm kissing up, trying to make them like me, etc. and I will look pathetic. Ego! such an ugly thing.
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