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New here. 18 days sober and having a hard time.

Old 01-18-2010, 12:32 AM
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New here. 18 days sober and having a hard time.

Hey, I'm new to the site and to sober life. I'm 21 years old and have been sober for 18 days. I've decided I need to join a community that supported eachother since I'm getting little support from anyone else in my life.

I've been reading other posts from new people and most of them say how great they feel being sober. Unfortunately that is something I cannot relate to. My friends don't understand and call me lame and no fun anymore, my boyfriend seems to be in denial that I've decided to quit drinking and my family all doubt my ability to stay sober. Under these circumstances its getting harder and harder to feel good about my choice.

I know I'm doing the right thing for me. I can't control my drinking, one drink turns into 12, and "fun nights out" are blank spots in my memories. Everyone is telling me that I'm young and I'm suppose to be going to bars and having a good time. But, the good times ended a long time ago for me and I'm tired of waking up in the morning feeling bad about myself, or wondering if I did anything embarrassing the night befor.

Like I said, I know I'm doing the right thing for myself... it would just be nice if I had a little support from the people in my life.
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Old 01-18-2010, 12:59 AM
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Come here for the support because we will always be there for you!! I had the same problem and what it is is that everyone around you is in denial with their own problems!! Keep it up because a way better life is ahead!! Just one day, one hour, one second at a time!! You don't need a drink to have fun!! Because when you have fun without the drink you are being honest with yourself.

Much Love
Justin
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Old 01-18-2010, 01:17 AM
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Wow, you are so smart at such a young age! Just keep up the great work. Don't let anyone take that away from you! The voices will start talking to you and letting you know that you don't really have a problem and that you can drink, but you know you can't. Keep up the great work!
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Old 01-18-2010, 01:41 AM
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Wink

..young people are our future..

..well done.. wish i had your thinkin'..

..i'm an old 'rock n roller'..(not Ozzy Oz born)..LOL..

..but almost...take care...ozy
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Old 01-18-2010, 02:34 AM
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Hi PurpleAshes

Yeah it's hard when noone in our real life understands - but you can always find a sympathetic ear here

Welcome to SR
D
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Old 01-18-2010, 03:07 AM
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Hi PurpleAshes,

You do what you need to do for you. As Dee said, you'll always have people here to support you. Welcome
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Old 01-18-2010, 03:46 AM
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Hi purple. I am 26 and I feel exactly the same. I passed through difficult times especially during the first 90 days. I had some bad mood swings and was exhausted by the highs and lows. You are not supposed to feel so good at 18 days sober. Just hang in and try to go to meetings where you can find others, especially young people, doing exactly what you are doing. I remember days when I was drunk waking up next day with bruises and not being able to remember a single detail from the night before. I remember the shame and embarrasment. I remember the deep depression and feeling of uselessness from making a fool of myself.

Today I dont have to live this way. I have 129 days clean. Some days were real hard and I had to literarly hang on by minutes but what mattered is that Im still sober and clean. A clean/sober day is always a good day. My problem was not the substance I was using but me. I finally had an opportunity to work on me and get over some painful stuff in my life. I see many alcoholics who are able to go to clubs again and enjoy their time without drinking. They are years sober. Life doesnot end when we are clean or sober. Actually life begins. But I must know to drink/use means to Die or worse to live the living of the dead. You are doing the right thing so hang in.
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Old 01-18-2010, 04:34 AM
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I first realized I had a problem when I was 18 years old. I put myself into treatment 4 months after I graduated from high school. I spent about a month in treatment but when I got out, I let pressure from my "friends" get to me and picked up not too long afterwards. I also didn't seek out any support, I thought I could do it alone. What did this thinking get me? Exactly 25 more years of pain and misery.

I have to say that I'm very impressed at your determination and wisdom, PurpleAshes, as well as the others who are newer in Recovery. I remember how hard it was when my "friends" were going out partying and I couldn't go with them. . . . I thought my life was over. I sat at home feeling sorry for myself. I didn't go to any Meetings as suggested, which was a huge mistake. I highly encourage you to find local AA Meetings, especially Newcomers Meetings. You'll find not only others who are new in Recovery, but people with a good amt of time under their belts who are there to share their experience, strength and hope. Get phone numbers of members of other women, call one of those phone numbers every day so when you're going through a rough time, it's easier to call them.

You'll find that people in AA will be more supportive than you can ever imagine. Yes, SR is a fantastic support system, but having f2f (face to face) support is vital. There were many times where out of nowhere the urge to drink would hit and I could call one of my friends in AA at any hour, day or night, and they knew exactly what I was going through. Your "friends" who pressure you to go out partying with them obviously aren't true friends. Alcoholism is a disease, just like Cancer or Diabetes. If you were Diabetic, would they encourage you to eat foods that could harm you? If you had lung Cancer, would they buy you a pack of cigarettes? Many people don't realize that just because they can go out and have a few drinks and stop there, it doesn't mean we can.

As far as the doubters, with each day that goes by that you don't drink is another day for them to see that you are serious. We didn't get to this point overnight, so it's going to take time for us to show the people we love that we're serious. I bounced in and out of treatment and clean time for 25 years and each time I got clean I told them that this was it, I'm done. They'd heard that so many times so the last time I got out of detox, they had every reason not to believe me. Your attitude and outlook, along with each day that passes that you stay sober will show them. Actions speak louder than words.

Just take it One Day at A Time, sometimes one hour at a time, one minute at a time. You'll find a great deal of support on here so keep sharing as much as you feel comfortable with and as often as you like. There is a great deal of love and support here.

God Bless,
Judy
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Old 01-18-2010, 05:53 AM
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Hi Purple! Welcome to SR. There's lots of support here and good advice.

I wish I'd had a place like SR when I first realized I might have a drinking problem. I wasted a lot of years struggling around by myself. I hope you can save yourself a lot of pain and misery by sticking to the sober life.

Love,

Lenina
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Old 01-18-2010, 06:04 AM
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Hi purple and welcome to the site
Yes you definitely are smart for someone so young. Now that you have seen that the good days are over with the booze there is no going back. It's a big decision to quit but your life is going to be so much better for it.

As you have found quitting and staying quit are two different things. I would also strongly urge you to go to some AA meetings. You need the face to face support of people who know exactly what you are going through......you will probably even make some new friends. If you can try more than one meeting if there are too many of us older ones there (you're fortunate you found out young that you need to quit, many of us spent many years trying to work that out)

Once you have that support you will find it easier to 'ignore' comments from friends and family which are unsupportive and could ultimately lead you back to drinking.

We also offer a solution in AA for living a joyful, sober life. Keep an open mind and look for similarities that you see in others rather than differences.

And of course, plenty of support here. This is a fantastic site.

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Old 01-18-2010, 01:32 PM
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Thank you, everyone, for the support. Just reading your posts made me feel better. I know I should seek out an AA meeting, I'm just afraid to go. I live in a small town so chances are I'll know someone there and that would be embarrassing for me. But I will look into it.

Again, thank you all.
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Old 01-18-2010, 05:06 PM
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Originally Posted by PurpleAshes View Post
Thank you, everyone, for the support. Just reading your posts made me feel better. I know I should seek out an AA meeting, I'm just afraid to go. I live in a small town so chances are I'll know someone there and that would be embarrassing for me. But I will look into it.

Again, thank you all.

I'm not ready to walk through those doors for the same reason. But don't dismiss the idea totally, maybe we'll come around to it in time. As others have said, all the people are there for the same reasons as you.
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Old 01-18-2010, 05:35 PM
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Welcome to our family. I agree, you're very wise at such a young age - to see what needs to be done. I would never have come to that conclusion in my 20's. It took decades of destructive behavior to convince me I had to quit in order to save my life.

I had no support or understanding from family at all - they considered my drinking habits to be the result of a character flaw, I guess. ("Just say no" & all that.) Friends tended to tell me I wasn't that badly off - they had no idea how horrible it had become. So when I found SR it was just what I needed, though it took me a few months to get up the courage to quit. It was the advice, support, and love I found here that convinced me my drinking career was over.

Please keep coming back & let us know how you're doing.
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Old 01-18-2010, 05:44 PM
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Hey there, I totally understand what you are going through. I am 27 and am facing the same challenges. I am currently 16 days in and have mixed days that are really hard, but also good days. And, i said this in another post somewhere, but my worst days now are far better than my best days when I was not sober. Just try and hang in there, live for the good things going on. And, with respect to the freinds and family bit, my freinds have distanced themselves a bit. But, i think it takes a little time. For me, the last 16 days seem like an eternity, but my freinds have been there for several years, since I was a little kid and I think they just need some time to adjust to this change. If they are good enough freinds, they will understand what you are going through and be there for you. For me, my freinds found it helpful for me to tell them what they could do to help. My family on the other hand, I havent really talked to them about it yet. It will be a surprise because I have hidden the worst of my actions, they have only seen me in bad shape a small amount of times, and chalked it up to making some bad decisions, or special occassions.

As for heading into a meeting, my advice is, just try it once at least. give it the opportunity to work for you. Worst case scenario is you are out an hour of your day, and I bet now that your sober, you have some more free time. I tried it, and found it to be a great experience, and in fact wish I could go to 3 meetings a day.

You know what is best for you though and remember that. Good luck and hope this helps.
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Old 01-18-2010, 07:54 PM
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You sound exactly like me. I too have 18 days sober and reading your post I might as well have written it myself. I havent seen most of my friends in the last 18 days. I dont care though. I have been drinking heavily since I was 15 and I am now done. I dont care if I lose all my friends and I'm considered lame. They can all screw themselves. I think you've made the right decision although it doesnt seem so now.
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Old 01-18-2010, 08:40 PM
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Old 01-18-2010, 09:44 PM
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Originally Posted by PurpleAshes View Post
Hey, I'm new to the site and to sober life. I'm 21 years old and have been sober for 18 days. I've decided I need to join a community that supported eachother since I'm getting little support from anyone else in my life.

I've been reading other posts from new people and most of them say how great they feel being sober. Unfortunately that is something I cannot relate to. My friends don't understand and call me lame and no fun anymore, my boyfriend seems to be in denial that I've decided to quit drinking and my family all doubt my ability to stay sober. Under these circumstances its getting harder and harder to feel good about my choice.

I know I'm doing the right thing for me. I can't control my drinking, one drink turns into 12, and "fun nights out" are blank spots in my memories. Everyone is telling me that I'm young and I'm suppose to be going to bars and having a good time. But, the good times ended a long time ago for me and I'm tired of waking up in the morning feeling bad about myself, or wondering if I did anything embarrassing the night befor.

Like I said, I know I'm doing the right thing for myself... it would just be nice if I had a little support from the people in my life.
Purple
I sobered up at 22 in the military where we all party almost every night. My friends didn't stop when I did but most of them didn't have a problem with control like I did.

I spent a lot of time in AA meetings and found my new groove (routine). While I still vistited with my friends I didn't hang out for hours and hours at a time. I visit or swing by for an hour. I mean I worked with these people.

In the rooms of AA I found others my age and I found a "Young Peoples" meeting which I made many friends from.

This is more of a male example, but if you hang out in the barber shop you will end up getting a hair cut. Meaning,, hang out with people that are drinking and ...... You get the idea. At some point we just pick up without a second thought.

I've now been sober 18 years and call tell you 100% I glad I found AA early. Save me tons of money, I have kids now and have been married for 13 years, and the house etc. Drinking I wouldn't have all this and be in jail or covered up from doing something stupid. I did drink and drive a lot back then. Don't have to worry any more about that.. Life is good!

Things to mull over. Take care and you are not too young!

AG
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Old 01-18-2010, 10:39 PM
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Many of us are winning over alcohol ...so can you...
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