I have a question
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: norwich, uk
Posts: 80
I have a question
Hi people
This is probably not the right place for my thread, but it seems to have a lot of traffic.
My OH has mental health issues brought on by his treatment from his mother through his childhood.
I sit and read a lot of the friends and family of alcoholics threads and I was wondering if it is possible for the same attitude of an alcoholic to apply to some one with a mental health problem.
I have had to deal with him chopping away at my self esteem, telling me that he is not happy that I tell my mum stuff, telling me the negative stuff that people have told him about me. Muttering under his breath just loud enough for me to hear. He has also had me so afraid that I sat on a bed side table in the corner of our bedroom as far away from him as possible. He has even told me that he would rather see me dead first than get our house.
Also when we moved house I developed a bit of backbone and wouldn't let him bully me any more so he started on the kids. He has smacked our youngest for playing with a bag of flour outside. I wasn't there but 1 1/2 hours later the hand print was still there. He has had my oldest cowering on the floor terrified of what he *might* do to him for something trivial.
I was at the time looking in to getting out of this situation, but we had a kitchen fire so things were put on hold. When we got back home I had a complete meltdown and then decided that being with him was destroying me so I took my kids and the dog to my mums and am now living in my own house (rented)
Sorry about the end bit but I thought I had better add this just in case everyone told me to leave.
Thanx
Alex
This is probably not the right place for my thread, but it seems to have a lot of traffic.
My OH has mental health issues brought on by his treatment from his mother through his childhood.
I sit and read a lot of the friends and family of alcoholics threads and I was wondering if it is possible for the same attitude of an alcoholic to apply to some one with a mental health problem.
I have had to deal with him chopping away at my self esteem, telling me that he is not happy that I tell my mum stuff, telling me the negative stuff that people have told him about me. Muttering under his breath just loud enough for me to hear. He has also had me so afraid that I sat on a bed side table in the corner of our bedroom as far away from him as possible. He has even told me that he would rather see me dead first than get our house.
Also when we moved house I developed a bit of backbone and wouldn't let him bully me any more so he started on the kids. He has smacked our youngest for playing with a bag of flour outside. I wasn't there but 1 1/2 hours later the hand print was still there. He has had my oldest cowering on the floor terrified of what he *might* do to him for something trivial.
I was at the time looking in to getting out of this situation, but we had a kitchen fire so things were put on hold. When we got back home I had a complete meltdown and then decided that being with him was destroying me so I took my kids and the dog to my mums and am now living in my own house (rented)
Sorry about the end bit but I thought I had better add this just in case everyone told me to leave.
Thanx
Alex
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: norwich, uk
Posts: 80
I tried that one, he did for a while see a counsellor when he thought I would be impressed and come back to him, but when he realised I wasn't going back it tapered off. I asked him the other day if he was still going and he said *no* and when I queried what he said he changed it to *I only have to go once a month*.
I wouldn't even try and handle him like an alcoholic. I have fortunately reached the point of no return, it took me 3 years, but I got there. Knowing that my boys are happier is reason enough for me not to go back.
I wouldn't even try and handle him like an alcoholic. I have fortunately reached the point of no return, it took me 3 years, but I got there. Knowing that my boys are happier is reason enough for me not to go back.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Originally Posted by greebobeebo 
I sit and read a lot of the friends and family of alcoholics threads and I was wondering if it is possible for the same attitude of an alcoholic to apply to some one with a mental health problem.
Alex
Alex
I'm sorry to hear that you have been through this and glad to hear you are now living away from him. That must have taken a lot of courage.
Yes it is possible to use the same programme that family and friends use with alcholoics to that with someone with a mental health problem. 12 step programmes are used for anything which we are powerless over and makes a life unmanageable. That would apply to your partner.
You would work the programme for you to make your life better. The thing you would learn from the programme is that you cannot change him.
I think you would get lots of helpful support and advice on the friends and family forum and I would guess a lot of stories just like yours.
Is he the father or these children? There is a big issue here which needs to be dealt with in terms of him hitting them.
Have you been in contact with Refuge Get help now Refuge
They run a free confidential helpline. You need to protect you and the kids from anything which may happen in the future.
Take care of yourself.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: norwich, uk
Posts: 80
He is the father of the youngest. When I found out he smacked him I told him that if he ever did it again I would ring the police myself.
One thing I said to him when I finally found the courage to end it completely last week was *I can't be what you want me to be and you can't be what I want you to be*.
The only time he reacted to anything I said was when I said he continues to be mean to the dog. He said he was only playing. Yeah right! that's why the dog does *I am your friend* smiling when he sees him and he is the only one the dog does it to.
And my cats don't like him either, one retreated to the top of my kitchen cupboards and the other one hid under my bed.
I feel sad, and depressed but I know I made the right choice for all of us. I will never feel guilty for leaving him, I like my sanity and I enjoy 2 happy boys and no conflict because I am doing something different to what he agrees with
One thing I said to him when I finally found the courage to end it completely last week was *I can't be what you want me to be and you can't be what I want you to be*.
The only time he reacted to anything I said was when I said he continues to be mean to the dog. He said he was only playing. Yeah right! that's why the dog does *I am your friend* smiling when he sees him and he is the only one the dog does it to.
And my cats don't like him either, one retreated to the top of my kitchen cupboards and the other one hid under my bed.
I feel sad, and depressed but I know I made the right choice for all of us. I will never feel guilty for leaving him, I like my sanity and I enjoy 2 happy boys and no conflict because I am doing something different to what he agrees with
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