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Cannot seem to kick my opiate addiction

Old 01-16-2010, 12:01 PM
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Unhappy Cannot seem to kick my opiate addiction

I wish I woulda never swallowed that first pill!!! I have been taking opiates for years off and on...but for the last 2 years I have not been a day without them. Oddly nobody except my husband, and the people I buy them from even know. I really want to stop taking them. I have been tapering down, because cold turkey is not an option for me. I am a property manager of a large apartment community, so missing work is not an option. I am also a mother of 3...so I cannot be sick or in bed. My biggest problem is, I think about the high...so even though I am not using much at all now, it is still on my mind all the time. I hate it!!! At my peak I was taking 10-15 perks, tabs, or oxys a day...or as many as I could get my hands on. Now I can take 2-4 perk 10's in a day and be ok. So, I think that most of what I am experiencing now is not a physical addiction now, but I am still mentally needing to swallow those pills. I really dont know....if anyone has any suggestions on how I can kick this problem, please help me! Thank you
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Old 01-16-2010, 12:46 PM
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Hi and welcome.

Can you get to an NA meeting?
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Old 01-16-2010, 02:17 PM
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Hi Th3Natu12al
Welcome to SR.

I have no direct experience, but my general advice is always to see a Dr, and to check out face to face support options like NA.

I realise there are many factors at play here - your job, your kids, the secrecy - but I think it's fair to say if you really want to stop taking them, you have make that a main priority too.

If you like, visit our substance abuse forum where there will be other people with experience of your situation.

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D
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Old 01-16-2010, 02:35 PM
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Dee is right.

Of course, you have to be a mother and pay the bills, but without your recovery, those things won't work. It could be that when you stop the drugs completely, you will begin to lose the craving for the high.
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Old 01-16-2010, 03:35 PM
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How long have you been taking 2-4 of the percs? If it has been a bit since you've been taking just those few then you should feel minimal withdrawels just stopping that amount. Or at least okay to be able to function. Mentally it will be hard but physically may be easier. You're still feeding your addiction and making your brain want more by taking those few a day still.
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Old 01-16-2010, 04:43 PM
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I'm a recovering addict & alcoholic, my DOC (drug of choice) was also opiates. I was addicted to them for 25 years so I can relate to alot of what you're saying. For me though, the tapering down never worked. I had to go into detox each time I stopped using because I never held on to any pills long enough to do a taper and I was using such large amts that I needed medication to assist in the detox process so I wouldn't have seizures, etc.

With you being down to 2 - 4 a day, I honestly believe that you are past any physical withdrawls. The easiest thing for me was getting the pills out of my system, the hard thing was keeping them out! There are reasons we pick up in the first place. Many addicts whose DOC is opiates began originally taking them for a physical condition. But once we discover how good we feel (or don't feel) we continue to use them after the physical condition is gone. Opiates didn't make me groggy, didn't make sleepy. I was the complete opposite. I felt like Superwoman. I had endless energy, I could keep the house clean, the laundry done, nice meals cooked, go to work, be the Soccer Mom, Room Mother at my Son's school, etc. I could do it all. Then the downward spiral, I couldn't do any of these things until I got the pills. My life stopped unless I had a full bottle of pills. It didn't matter what the situation was, I couldn't function w/out the pills.

I struggled for 25 years to stay clean after more detoxes than I can count. I didn't want to let anyone know I had a problem. I was ashamed, embarressed, felt like a failure. I would look at other women who could accomplish daily activities w/out using pills and I felt even worse about myself. I ignored strong suggestions from the professionals that I go to NA or AA Meetings. I didn't think I needed to do that, I thought if I talked about the pills, I'd just want to use more. Boy, was I ever wrong! Once I surrendered to the fact that I couldn't do this alone, began going to Meetings, getting phone numbers of other women, making contact with them, etc., things began to get a little easier. I think what helped me the most was realizing that I am far from alone. I'm not weak, I have a disease. I had to tell myself that if I had Cancer, for example,would I have a problem seeking treatment for that? Would I be ashamed and embarressed to go to Chemotherapy? No! I'd do what I had to do to save my life.

You can find NA/AA Meetings just by Googling NA Meetings or AA Meetings in your area. Where I live, there are many more AA Meetings so I usually went to those, every single day. After all, I used every day, didn't I?

I know this sounds like a lot to swallow right now, (no pun intended) but the biggest step is admitting you have a problem and asking for help. I hope you'll keep coming back, continue to share what you feel comfortable sharing & get to some Meetings!

God Bless,
Judy
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Old 01-16-2010, 05:32 PM
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Welcome to SR As Anna and Dee said I had to make recovery No 1 whatever that meant for me and I still do.

How are you doing today?
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Old 01-18-2010, 07:42 AM
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Thank you everyone for giving me some inspiring words. Today is the first day that I have NO pills, and I am not going to get any. Yesterday was the last day that I am going to use. I honestly really just have to stop!!! It is costing me tons of money to support my habit, and my kids do not deserve to have a mother that takes pills. I function fine when I am taking them...but really want to quit. I have done the work to taper myself down, so now it is time to just give them up all together. Lets see how I feel tomorrow.
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