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Old 01-14-2010, 12:30 PM
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My update

Happy New Year to everyone!!

I find that I post much less now that I have over one year since I quit drinking (my first year I was a posting addict, lol...) but I do still lurk and read and sometimes feel compelled to post such as right now. Basically, I am doing really well with the drinking thing, it's been almost 16 months since I last took a drink, I'm still very proud of this and I'm going strong. My decision to quit drinking has affected 3 other people who were also struggling with alcohol, all of whom are sober today and going strong themselves. I'm proud of them and really pleased to have had such an influence on others, it really helps me. Of course I wish I could say all was perfect but it never is and I have reverted back to the occasional use of marijuana. For some reason, it's just something that seems to be very difficult to stop doing once and for all and for good. I also recently went through about a week period where I was taking 3 Tylenol w/ Codeine pills a day. I had fallen on ice on XMAS eve and was in some pretty serious aches & pains and my wife keeps these pills in the house so I self-medicated with 3 a day for a week. I had mixed feeling about it the whole time because it's hard for me to distinguish between the need for pain relief and the nice feeling I get when I do take the pills. It's like a war going on inside my head. That said, it's been a few weeks since I touched them but that and the use of pot is a compromise on my vow of total and true sobriety. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself and should focus more on how far I've come (a little perspective you know?)...thing is I don't know but I want to purge it and get it out there here on SR. As always, thanks for listening and thanks for the feedback.
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Old 01-14-2010, 01:28 PM
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No one is perfect. When I stopped drinking I started smoking again, I'd only been off cigs for 2 mths when I had to stop drinking (or die) and at least once a week I tell myself I have to quit smoking as this is also suicide one day hopefully I will.
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Old 01-14-2010, 02:09 PM
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Thanks for the update Get.

From previous threads, you already know my views LOL
it's all or nothing for me...you always know where we are if you want to find us

D
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Old 01-14-2010, 02:33 PM
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Dee,

I want to be (I am) an all or nothing type person too and that is how I started out back in October of 2008 when I reached my bottom; trying to stop all the bad stuff I was into and the list was pretty long, just to recap...

1. Drinking like a fish (everyday and binge)
2. Addicted to nicotine (both ciggs AND the patch at different times)
3. Addicted to fast food (no joke that stuff really is addictive)
4. Pitifully out of shape (fat waist, bloated face, just horrible)
5. Horrible diet (fast food, soda, overeating, junk food, beer...)
6. Total soda (caffeine) addict (used caffeine like an upper type drug)
7. Pot smoker (maybe a joints worth a day)
8. Occasional pain pill popper (when available I'd take them & mix with booze)
9. Long history of recreational drug use including cocaine, E, shrooms, acid, etc...(thankfully I had not done anything like that in a while prior to my decision to quit drinking but the objective reality of my past was one I could not hide from)

So...in the past 14 months I have quit drinking, quit smoking, quit fast food, stopped drinking soda, got in great shape, improved my diet dramatically, no recreational drug use apart from the occasional use of pain pills and pot, which of course I feel guilty about. Trying to see how far I have come, it's not like I want to be a pill popper or pot smoker, it just kinda happens every now and then and not to make excuses but I do not (currently or ever really) use pot or pills to any great extent I mean some people would think it no problem at all to take 3 Tylenol Codeine pills in a day especially if that person was an OXY addict let's say. And when I smoke pot, it's literally a few hits and that's it. Still, that is NOT the person I want to be but I have to be honest here and come clean in my updates, so...
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Old 01-14-2010, 08:50 PM
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Get, you've made amazing progress We tend to be extremely hard on ourselves, I'm glad you're giving yourself credit, as it's well deserved.

I've never done drugs other than alcohol, but I can relate to some of the other stuff you've mentioned... especially the unbalanced diet and caffeinated sodas thing - perhaps most people might write these off as bad habits, but in my experience, it takes a LOT of discipline to change these patterns.

Sounds like you know what you're shooting for, and what you no longer want in your life - having direction is a huge asset. Awareness too... There will always be room for improvement, but it's not a race Your life will keep getting better.. just keep working on yourself steadily.

Thanks for the update, do keep us posted.. good luck
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Old 01-14-2010, 09:10 PM
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I'm sorry if I sounded tetchy...I should have made it plainer that it's my experience and my opinion...

for me a few joints would not be just a few joints...for me, pot really is a gateway drug... and for me, it's not what particular drug I'm using, it's me that's the problem - it's *why* I'd be using it.

Did I mention it was all about me? LOL

I understand your point about progress not perfection tho, and I wish you the best - your recovery is your own Getr

D
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Old 01-14-2010, 09:34 PM
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When I first quit drinking, I wished I could smoke pot but I get drug tested at work. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I would have just replaced drinking with pot smoking for daily comfort. The thing is, I quit drinking because in a black out I did things I found appalling, that would never happen stoned.

That being said, I am super happy I made it the whole durn year clean AND sober, so I could see what its like do deal with life head on. I'm still on the fence about whether Id do pot if I could. I sure do like my AA folk, and they would throw me under the bus if I smoked (some of them would!!!). I sure do know a bunch of idiots here in sunny santa barbara that smoke far too much of far too good weed.

I dunno. . .I'm terrified of anything that might weaken my resolve and lead me to drink

mushrooms used to be fun, but how much would it suck to be living this great life clean and all, and have some hideous bad reaction? My current room mate and long time good friend ended up in a mental facility for a long a$$ time from a bad trip.


Just for today, Im gonna stay sober from it all, just seems easier!!

Thanks for checking in man, grats on the 16 months!!
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Old 01-14-2010, 10:06 PM
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Thanks for sharing Get. Congratulations on 16 months without a drink, and 14 months without all the other unhealthy stuff you mentioned. I've never really associated junk food as being "addictive", but that's because I've never seen it put in black and white I guess. Thanks! Also I really enjoyed and benefitted from the insight you provided in your post on the 'cigarettes' thread earlier.

Long live Clifford Lee Burton.
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Old 01-15-2010, 06:53 AM
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The best way I can explain my situation is that I'm still (constantly) trying to improve and reach a state of true lasting sobriety and good health. I do not accept the situation as it is right now though I do acknowledge it. As long as that truly is the goal, moving forward and not sliding backwards should take care of itself, right? I do not accept that it's OK for me to drink alcohol & smoke ciggs OR to smoke a little pot or take a few pills for that matter but like all things it's a matter of degree and keeping things in perspective is hard for me, especially when I have no perspective and nothing to really go by except for 20+ years of drug and alcohol use which I think I have the perseverance to overcome. I have come so far but still have a ways to go, I am at least on the road. The one thing I know for sure is that drinking was killing me and was the catalyst (the fuel) for all the other bad, destructive, addictive stuff so keeping alcohol out of my life remains my #1 priority and hopefully always will.
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Old 01-15-2010, 12:50 PM
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Well done mate. Like Dee syas it's your recovery. giving up and crucially staying off the booze ain't easy so you should be proud man.

I have come to the conclusion that just staying clean and sober just for today is just the easiest way for me too. Ultimately I can't see the wood from the trees when it comes to how my alclholic mind may be operating thus if I decide it would be OK for me to smoke a joint or whatever then I would be back to that first drink quicker than I would devoir a pack of double choc chip cookies! LOL. Besides for me I just really don't want to put any mind-altering chemicals in my body anymore. Tbh I do class myself as a drug addict as well as an alcoholic. Although I ain't really a battle for me to stay clean of drugs and I have to just focus on the booze, I know that when drunk I was a drug addict and that most people who used to take Ecstacy would proably stop after 10 pills! LOL. You get the picture.

Just for today I won't drink or use. Simple, effective and has the desired results. Don't mean to say I don't occasionally get nostalgic when I am listening to Jefferson Airplane or Yes or whatever but tripping for me was again different to most, where they were happy with one tab of acid I would triple drop because I was already drunk. I am glad I have had my experinces that I had but I saw that only bad would come in the future ie- I was finding tripping/rolling losing it's magic and becoming some what boring too, not worth the punishment on my body, so I would always start and finish with booze.

Man I'm rambling! LOL

Be proud of what you've achieved man "Nothing Else Matters"
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Old 01-16-2010, 08:11 AM
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Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST View Post
Ultimately I can't see the wood from the trees when it comes to how my alclholic mind may be operating thus if I decide it would be OK for me to smoke a joint or whatever then I would be back to that first drink quicker than I would devoir a pack of double choc chip cookies! LOL.
Honestly, I'm more worried that my occasional use of pot will lead not to drinking, but to more regular use of pot! Or that my occasional use of pain pills (w/ or w/out legit pain) will lead me not to drinking but to more regular use of pills, and that scares me of course, more so the pills than the pot but you get the gist of what I'm saying. Same would apply to nicotine. If I picked up a smoke today, I'd be WAY more concerned that it would lead me not to drinking, but a pack a day again and if I did smoke that butt I can guarantee that by the end of the day I would have smoked quite a few more and would have plans to smoke again the next day and the next...

And by this same logic, that is why I am afraid to have a drink...what it will lead to....more DRINKING not other stuff...
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Old 01-16-2010, 12:01 PM
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{Edit to the last sentence of my last post} Let me clarify, that I consider alcohol to have been the ultimate bad judgement enhancer on my part, unlike any other substance, activity, or addiction I ever experienced. Meaning, I do not just fear that use of alcohol would lead to more alcohol only, I DO fear it would lead me back to the use of all the stuff I was into, and a return to my past lifestyle (deathstyle)...this is in stark contrast to how I feel about the use of pot for example, which for me at least does not pack the potent negative punch that alcohol does. Does not mean I want to get back to daily use, not at all but at best pot leads to munchies which leads to less than great food choices which leads to weight gain and affects my fitness. At worst it leads to more pot use. Nicotine (for me anyway) leads to instant nicotine addiction (the phenomenon of craving) and that painful cycle all over again. Pills leads to more pills, no doubt about it gotta be wicked careful there, but HONESTLY, I never abused them in quantity, I abused them in that I mixed them with alcohol and used them just as a way to feel good. And finally; alcohol leads to more alcohol, which leads to poor judgement, drinking and driving, which all just leads me back to doing whatever I want, whenever I want. So I'm not trying to make excuses or reasons for the use of pot or a few pain pills, just trying to put things in honest perspective for myself anyway. It is NOT acceptable for me to do any mind altering drugs and the goal is total abstinence, true sobriety and slowly but surely I am getting there, this is just a bump in the road for me, part of the journey towards where I AM going.

Make sense?
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Old 01-16-2010, 12:27 PM
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Originally Posted by getr345 View Post
It is NOT acceptable for me to do any mind altering drugs and the goal is total abstinence, true sobriety...

Make sense?
Ya I can understand that. I like the saying/(question) I hear in NA a lot: "Why do I have to change the way I feel?" or "Anything to change the way I feel will do."

In my case the guilt of leaving the sunlight of the spirit eventually outweighed the temporary sensory enhancement of a drug.

On the flipside I also like the "Progress not perfection" quote.
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Old 01-16-2010, 12:44 PM
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What a great reply, thanks Stereosteveo.

"the guilt of leaving the sunlight of the spirit"

That's it. I feel that guilt too sometimes, totally. I know I'd feel it WAY worse if I was a slave to nicotine again though, or overweight again, or under the influence of alcohol all the time again or up for the use of coke let's say. I feel so far away from those things and I credit that to not drinking. Intellectual integrity and honesty is so important in recovery, that is once thing I have learned. When I hear that people quit drinking but keep smoking cigarettes, I think how sad, so glad that's not me. Some people think nothing of that or of all the meds they might be on when they are not drinking (I'm on none, apart from baby aspirin & some daily vitamins) I guess it comes down to what it was always MOST about and that was quitting drinking (thankfully I found a way) and I have done that and kept going trying to fix myself more fully and I thought I was towards the finish line (when I strung together months of truly totally sober days last year) but maybe I am really at the beginning still. That's SO OK tho.
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