hi it's me.
 

hi everyone

so here i am. let me tell you about myself. im female, 30 years old, married, 2 kids. my eldest child has autism and heart disease. i work full time but i'm off sick due to chronic back pain. i suffer from severe depression. i am 7 stones overweight and 3 years ago i had a gastric bypass that only lets me eat small amounts of food, however, i failed to lose vast amounts of weight due to my drinking and eating rubbish. i am currently taking morphine to help with my back pain and still drinking half a bottle of vodka each night on top of that. my father in law is dying of cancer. this has put a strain in our household for the last 14 months, particularly now as it is close to the end. drinking seems my only escape from it all. please help. the other day i drank two cans of lager followed by two bottles of wine then took 2 morphine tablets on my way to bed. i need to stop this for everyones sake. think i'd be better off dead most of the time. i hate my stupid useless fat ugly self. there rant over:c004:

I really can sure relate to what you are saying!

I am not too fond of myself either.


I've been clean a little over 4 months now but I just don't know.

Hope ya keep coming back!

Welcome!

Hey there and welcome

You have obviously reached a point where you don't want this any more, The support on here is brilliant. Only you can sort yourself out.

It would appear that you have alot going on in your life at the moment. Have you got an Alcohol and drug centre near you? and have you done any counselling?

I found my local a & d centre was my lifeline, they also do counselling which has helped me conquer my demons so much.

Do you get support as the carer for your eldest child. Do you get support from the Macmillan nurses about your father in law?

Have you been to see your doc recently and told him what is going on?

Well done for starting to reach out.

:grouphug:..you have joined the human race..

stay with us and we'll work this out...luv..ozy..

Hi and welcome.
I'm sorry you are feeling so low right now and my heart goes out to you.
I think you need to go and discuss all this with your doctor or a councellor.
Depression goes hand in hand with dependancy.
You are a wife, mother, carer and have a sick relative. That is a tough situation and it does take it's toll, but drinking might only make you forget for a short period of time. Then it all comes back with a vengeance and a hangover. Nothing was solved.
You are worth a lot more than just existing like that.
You can stop abusing whatever substance you think helps, you can loose some weight and you are certainly not ugly. Get that? :)
I truly haven't seen an ugly human being yet, but then I don't look at the outside. I have met a few, but that had nothing to do with looks.
I myself have quite a few stones to lose, but you know what? My clear eyes make up for the extra layer of me :wink:
You don't have to do this alone, we are all here for you. Keep strong, reading and posting. Good luck.

I hope you can find some peace in your life.