Finding the time
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 24
Finding the time
Hi-
I am at 22 days sober and feeling great. I have been going to meetings every day and have a sponsor. I wake up happy to be alive, sober and heading for a 6:30 am meeting. This is going great for me but it appears to be taking a toll on my family. My 9 year old daughter broke down at school today because she so sad I am not there in the morning when she leaves for school. My partner called me at work to let me know about this and said that both my son and daughter feel that I am gone too much and that they miss having the time with me.
I am so frustrated because I thought I came up with a workable plan that would not be so disruptive to the family. My kids leave for school at 7am and 7:45am. I figured if I just got up and out to a meeting and came home from work at my normal time in the evening, things would not feel so wacked out during my effort to do 90 meetings in 90 days. The other meeting I attend on Saturday is while my son is at an activity that I drive him to and from. Sunday morning I have been going to a meeting at 8:30am. I then get home by 9:45 and go to church at 11 with the family.
I can't help but feel that my partner is unhappy about the amount of time I am gone too. I really don't know what to do. She suggested that I let the kids know that I will only be attending this many meetings until March and then I will be home more. I am scared to make this promise because what if I need to continue a more daily practice of meetings in order to maintain sobriety and sanity.
I am also frustrated because I know I need to do this but I feel like it is hard to give myself permission to take the time away from my family to do it. I KNOW in the long run this is necessary but I feel like I am in trouble for doing it. BTW- I did almost all of my drinking at home, never went out, never stayed out late- this being gone from the house is a new thing for my family.
Thoughts? suggestions?
2be
I am at 22 days sober and feeling great. I have been going to meetings every day and have a sponsor. I wake up happy to be alive, sober and heading for a 6:30 am meeting. This is going great for me but it appears to be taking a toll on my family. My 9 year old daughter broke down at school today because she so sad I am not there in the morning when she leaves for school. My partner called me at work to let me know about this and said that both my son and daughter feel that I am gone too much and that they miss having the time with me.
I am so frustrated because I thought I came up with a workable plan that would not be so disruptive to the family. My kids leave for school at 7am and 7:45am. I figured if I just got up and out to a meeting and came home from work at my normal time in the evening, things would not feel so wacked out during my effort to do 90 meetings in 90 days. The other meeting I attend on Saturday is while my son is at an activity that I drive him to and from. Sunday morning I have been going to a meeting at 8:30am. I then get home by 9:45 and go to church at 11 with the family.
I can't help but feel that my partner is unhappy about the amount of time I am gone too. I really don't know what to do. She suggested that I let the kids know that I will only be attending this many meetings until March and then I will be home more. I am scared to make this promise because what if I need to continue a more daily practice of meetings in order to maintain sobriety and sanity.
I am also frustrated because I know I need to do this but I feel like it is hard to give myself permission to take the time away from my family to do it. I KNOW in the long run this is necessary but I feel like I am in trouble for doing it. BTW- I did almost all of my drinking at home, never went out, never stayed out late- this being gone from the house is a new thing for my family.
Thoughts? suggestions?
2be
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Hi,
I know that recovery takes much energy, no question.
I am not an AA person, so I have no suggestions to make regarding meetings.
There is always someone here at SR and lots of inspiration, so you can always pop in here.
I know that recovery takes much energy, no question.
I am not an AA person, so I have no suggestions to make regarding meetings.
There is always someone here at SR and lots of inspiration, so you can always pop in here.
20/12/09
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
Hi
I have no answers for you but understand your problem. I am finding it hard to maintain my other commitments as well as meetings. My partner is missing me and my dog goes mental when I am home. I KNOW this is no comparison to kids and the way they pull you in ( I have had partners with kids for a long time in my life).
I hope you get some solid help here and that I too may get some ideas on how best to handle the situation.
Good luck!
I have no answers for you but understand your problem. I am finding it hard to maintain my other commitments as well as meetings. My partner is missing me and my dog goes mental when I am home. I KNOW this is no comparison to kids and the way they pull you in ( I have had partners with kids for a long time in my life).
I hope you get some solid help here and that I too may get some ideas on how best to handle the situation.
Good luck!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I'm not an AA person either 2be, but there will be many along to make suggestions.
My first thought was lunchtime meetings? late night meetings after the kids are down?
I hope you find a way to balance this and I wish you well - both things - family and your recovery - are important.
D
My first thought was lunchtime meetings? late night meetings after the kids are down?
I hope you find a way to balance this and I wish you well - both things - family and your recovery - are important.
D
Nonexistent Willpower
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Texas
Posts: 439
Time
In the end I could not do anything without a drink it seemed. At least I could not enjoy doing anything sober. Every waking hour revolved around alcohol. It had priority. And I almost lost everything.
Repeated experience tells me when I start drinking it all goes down the drain quickly:
Health (Mental, Physical, Spiritual)
Family
Friends
Job
Money
So it's plain and clear that my sobriety has to come first today if I want to have a chance at having anything worthwhile in life.
So when it comes to "having enough time" to devote to my sobriety I look at it this way:
"How much time did I spend..:"?
1. Acquiring alcohol (2 working hrs. of wages/day on ave I would say +trips to store etc..)
2. Drinking Alcohol...(Who knows...18hrs./day?)
3. Detoxing from Alcohol (Hungover..call in sick, jailtime, etc..etc.)
So when I feel pressed for time today I have laugh...I got all the time in the world compared to 'yesterday'..
People who love me understand, and they encourage me to go to meetings. And I never had a problem with just going to the bar whether they liked it or not....But they like meetings better because I really am back after an hour, just like I said. Which is another miracle.
Repeated experience tells me when I start drinking it all goes down the drain quickly:
Health (Mental, Physical, Spiritual)
Family
Friends
Job
Money
So it's plain and clear that my sobriety has to come first today if I want to have a chance at having anything worthwhile in life.
So when it comes to "having enough time" to devote to my sobriety I look at it this way:
"How much time did I spend..:"?
1. Acquiring alcohol (2 working hrs. of wages/day on ave I would say +trips to store etc..)
2. Drinking Alcohol...(Who knows...18hrs./day?)
3. Detoxing from Alcohol (Hungover..call in sick, jailtime, etc..etc.)
So when I feel pressed for time today I have laugh...I got all the time in the world compared to 'yesterday'..
People who love me understand, and they encourage me to go to meetings. And I never had a problem with just going to the bar whether they liked it or not....But they like meetings better because I really am back after an hour, just like I said. Which is another miracle.
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Hi 2besober -
I think it is great that you are dedicating "what it takes" to get sober. In the long-run, your kids' small disappointment now will be nothing compared to what you could have done to them (just read the Friends and Family thread).
Right now, at Day 22, you are doing exactly the right thing. But, with that said, I found that my method of recovery - while I still had to work at it every day - changed as I got more sobriety.
Here is what now works for me (I have 1 year):
- Go to one AA meeting on Monday night (a real active / fun meeting). The messages from this meeting can last me a week.
- If I am lonely, bored, or feeling generally unhappy one night, I will go to a late evening meeting. I often go to these on Friday or Saturday nights once my kids are asleep. (I know that not every area has 10pm meeting like we do and childcare can be challenging.)
- Call my sponsor at least once a week
- Call another alcoholic as often as I feel I need to (this is usually once a week now, but increases when I am working with another alcoholic)
- Post on SR a few nights a week (when I am not going to meetings)
- Read books on alcoholism (a chapter or two, once or twice a week)
My point is that I have created a flexible program that combines AA + SR + working with other alcoholics. It allows me to be home with my kids most nights (or in your case mornings), and the rest of the "work" can be done on off hours that don't impact the kids.
What doesn't work, in my opinion, is not attending meeting and also not doing the SR or working with others. That is setting up relapse.
PM me if you want to talk about other ideas.
Congrats on 22 days. That is really great.
I think it is great that you are dedicating "what it takes" to get sober. In the long-run, your kids' small disappointment now will be nothing compared to what you could have done to them (just read the Friends and Family thread).
Right now, at Day 22, you are doing exactly the right thing. But, with that said, I found that my method of recovery - while I still had to work at it every day - changed as I got more sobriety.
Here is what now works for me (I have 1 year):
- Go to one AA meeting on Monday night (a real active / fun meeting). The messages from this meeting can last me a week.
- If I am lonely, bored, or feeling generally unhappy one night, I will go to a late evening meeting. I often go to these on Friday or Saturday nights once my kids are asleep. (I know that not every area has 10pm meeting like we do and childcare can be challenging.)
- Call my sponsor at least once a week
- Call another alcoholic as often as I feel I need to (this is usually once a week now, but increases when I am working with another alcoholic)
- Post on SR a few nights a week (when I am not going to meetings)
- Read books on alcoholism (a chapter or two, once or twice a week)
My point is that I have created a flexible program that combines AA + SR + working with other alcoholics. It allows me to be home with my kids most nights (or in your case mornings), and the rest of the "work" can be done on off hours that don't impact the kids.
What doesn't work, in my opinion, is not attending meeting and also not doing the SR or working with others. That is setting up relapse.
PM me if you want to talk about other ideas.
Congrats on 22 days. That is really great.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Congrats on your 22 days!!!!! You have a GREAT start!!!!
You can tell them that this isn't forever, but you need to keep doing this for a while to make you a better parent and more able to interact with them, and say the same thing to your partner. You can also tell them that this is how your are garnering THE TOOLS so that you can continue your 'sober journey.'
As you gain sobriety, and work on the stops, they will SEE the changes in your behaviors and actions. Also as you continue to work the steps, you will change (for the better, lol) also.
Let's face it .................................... without your sobriety ................................. they won't have you at all, ................................... so even though you are doing this for you ................................ they will benefit greatly from your meeting attendance, and the time you spend with your sponsor working on the Steps and The Program as outlined in the first 164 pages of the Big Book of AA.
Please keep posting here and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care very much!
Love and hugs,
Thoughts? suggestions?
As you gain sobriety, and work on the stops, they will SEE the changes in your behaviors and actions. Also as you continue to work the steps, you will change (for the better, lol) also.
Let's face it .................................... without your sobriety ................................. they won't have you at all, ................................... so even though you are doing this for you ................................ they will benefit greatly from your meeting attendance, and the time you spend with your sponsor working on the Steps and The Program as outlined in the first 164 pages of the Big Book of AA.
Please keep posting here and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care very much!
Love and hugs,
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