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Reality!!

Old 01-08-2010, 03:16 AM
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LKKPA
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Smile Reality!!

Well, 60 days sober!! It has been an interesting ride that's for sure. I am amazed at how little I have craved drinking. I guess I just had to come to the end of my rope and take the jump and make the decision to stop. So...even though I have had major bouts of fatigue, depression and anxiety, I still don't have the desire to drink! What I am dealing with now is that reality has hit. I feel things now and I don't like what I am feeling. I feel regret, shame, and fearful of what others think of me. I wonder if my reputation is shot. I wonder if I will ever have the respect of the community, family, friends and children again. I look over the last 10 years of my life that I drank and realize I have nothing, nothing to show for it! I am trying to get my career back and my finances back on track again, but I feel so remorseful for the time I wasted and the things I lost along the way. None of this makes me want to drink, but it is uncomfortable and I know that drinking again will NOT make it better. I am realizing more and more why I drank and that was to run from myself, my situation, my past, my weaknesses and the hurt that others have caused me and I find that the drinking only made it worse. How stupid I was to think that drinking was going to solve my problems and take all that away!! I do have one thing to feel good about and that is 60 days sober! Also, the meetings I have been going to have been surprisingly good!! I ran into my old sponsor, was offered a job interview and met a new friend in the same profession as I. So those are things I can be thankful for. Tomorrow is another day and I will keep climbing this mountain one day at a time! Thanks for listening and letting me post!!
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Old 01-08-2010, 03:48 AM
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60 days sober is brilliant, and with a job offer! Life is looking good for you.


You say you are going to meetings but are you working the steps? Steps 4 through to 9 are there to remove all those uncomfortable feelings which you are experiencing now you have no alcohol to blot them out. Take care.
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Old 01-08-2010, 04:05 AM
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Congrats on your 60 days LKKPA.

One of the hardest lessons I had to learn was - I can't get those years back again, I can't get those missed opportunities back, and I can't undo the things I regret.

What I can do is make sure I never return to that life - and, having learned how valuable and wonderful life can be, I can do my level best to make a positive difference from now on, as often as I can.

As sad as I am to think back on the wreckage I made of my life back then, it all counts to making the man I am today.

I have a lot of lessons learned, and a lot of life experience to share.

I can make something out of all that 'wrongness'...and I intend to

Never forget...but look forward
D
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Old 01-08-2010, 06:16 AM
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Congratulations on 60 days LKKPA.

It is good to hear that you no longer have any desire to drink. Since I quit I have also had little to no desire to drink and this is the one thing that truly surprised me.
I try to just look forward to the future- a better future.
I have made amends to the important (to me) people that I have hurt and have seeked and obtained forgiveness from them and after that I just let the past go so not to expend any more energy on it and I hope you will soon be able to do the same.
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Old 01-08-2010, 06:28 AM
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Congratulations on the sober time you DO have and the future that awaits you. It is hard to reflect on what was, but that was yesterday and you are moving forward now. If I get overcome with anxiety over the past or worse yet, dwelling on what I "think" people's opinions are of me I try to write out some gratitude. Gratitude can change your life for sure.

As far as people's opinions I would suggest you try to move forward and your example of how you are living will change their perspectives. You are not perfect. None of us are and I believe people learn from EVERYTHING that life sends in their direction. If you've learned then all is not a loss. My opinion any ways.
Hugs - Sarah
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Old 01-08-2010, 06:40 AM
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Congratulations on the 60 days, the job interview and the new friend.
Please don't dwell on what would/could/should have been, it is fruitless.
We cannot change the past, however much we would like to
We can change the future to be different though and
We can enjoy the present looking forward to a better future and the best of all
once the future becomes the past we will remember and be proud of it.
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Old 01-08-2010, 09:35 AM
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Hi LKK,

I could have written your post word for word, well except for the sponsor and job interview part. Anyway, I too was, and am, surprised at how little I desire to drink again. It feels like somehow I just finally "got it", and I have SR to thank for that.

I'm only about 19 days sober but I can already tell things are, and will continue to be, different. For a long time I really resisted the notion of being "one of those people" who could never drink again. The very thought of it seemed so unrealistic and pathetic. But after being on SR for about 3 weeks I have "seen the light". I see now how my drinking progressively got worse, how my mental and physical health was deteriorating, how I was losing closeness with friends and family and most importantly, bad things were starting to happen when I drank.

And I, like you, have realized it was all a sophisticated (or not) form of avoidance. Now that I'm having to actually deal with all the things I was so desperately trying to avoid, I find it challenging and difficult. But I also know that going back to the bottle will be the ultimate failure and doom. It will mean I've given up on life. And I'm just not ready to do that. Especially since I see now how wonderful a sober life can be. For the first time in many many years I am actually excited about a new future.

I look forward to taking this journey with you and look forward to my 60 days and your 90. :-)
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