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Day 5 and angry.

Old 01-05-2010, 10:54 AM
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Day 5 and angry.

Hi all.. Today is day 5 without alcohol. I got a DUI in September and am without license till May. I lost a $40,000 a year job because of the DUI and am now working part-time making $90 a week. I am beginning to feel alot of anger toward all the wrong people for what happened. I'm angry at the cop who pulled me over that night, I'm angry at my smug lawyer who probably did his best to save my ass. I'm angry at my previous employer for instantly washing their hands of me as soon as my license got suspended. Yes im angry at myself. I know I caused what happened I just wish the DUI didnt have the snowball effect...eventually by the middle to end I'll have to declare bankruptcy. I'll be 38 years old, driving shitbox cars again and having poor credit. All for one DUI. Sorry...venting
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Old 01-05-2010, 11:15 AM
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Originally Posted by Beligerent View Post
All for one DUI.
Hmmm, Beligerent, are you sure all this misfortune is the result of one DUI? Or maybe the DUI is just another of the misfortunes that result from a bigger problem?

With a join date 4.5 years ago, I think you know the answer to this.

I remember feeling the same way you describe after my first DUI. Sadly, I had to keep repeating that mistake and keep piling up the misfortunes before I became willing to look at the bigger problem. I foolishly believed that these consequences would be enough to wake me up and be a good boy.

I hope you can decide to take action now.
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Old 01-05-2010, 11:32 AM
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Originally Posted by Beligerent View Post
Hi all.. Today is day 5 without alcohol. I got a DUI in September and am without license till May. I lost a $40,000 a year job because of the DUI and am now working part-time making $90 a week. I am beginning to feel alot of anger toward all the wrong people for what happened. I'm angry at the cop who pulled me over that night, I'm angry at my smug lawyer who probably did his best to save my ass. I'm angry at my previous employer for instantly washing their hands of me as soon as my license got suspended. Yes im angry at myself. I know I caused what happened I just wish the DUI didnt have the snowball effect...eventually by the middle to end I'll have to declare bankruptcy. I'll be 38 years old, driving shitbox cars again and having poor credit. All for one DUI. Sorry...venting
It's okay to vent. Sometimes it really helps to get it all out. Feel better? May I recommend you get in AA, get a sponsor to help you with the 12 steps and you can start a whole new life - free from DUIs and mean ole policemen who want to arrest you for driving drunk. I wish you all the best.
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Old 01-05-2010, 11:58 AM
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Beligerent, I'm really sorry that you are where you're at. This is the frustrating part of getting our stuff back in order. After going through something that has totally set us back we have to rebuild. I have had many days where I just wanted to kick my own @ss because I let myself get to where I had. It does get better though.

Vent away on here. So many of us have been right where you are and know the frustration. I also feel ya on wanting to "kick other people in the arse".

Hang in there, you CAN get through this and you CAN get your life back.
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Old 01-05-2010, 12:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Beligerent View Post
Hi all.. Today is day 5 without alcohol. I got a DUI in September and am without license till May. I lost a $40,000 a year job because of the DUI and am now working part-time making $90 a week. I am beginning to feel alot of anger toward all the wrong people for what happened. I'm angry at the cop who pulled me over that night, I'm angry at my smug lawyer who probably did his best to save my ass. I'm angry at my previous employer for instantly washing their hands of me as soon as my license got suspended. Yes im angry at myself. I know I caused what happened I just wish the DUI didnt have the snowball effect...eventually by the middle to end I'll have to declare bankruptcy. I'll be 38 years old, driving shitbox cars again and having poor credit. All for one DUI. Sorry...venting
Man can I relate. 33 here, laid off for over a year and still collecting unemployment set to expire in next month unless there is another extension. Although I never got a DUI, I should have - even passed a field sobriety test by the grace of God and got a fender bender ticket.

I guess my point is that I spent over a year feeling sorry for myself, being pissed at myself for losing a job that paid me over $100k a year (company car, prize vacations, etc. - it still hurts to think/type about it), and drowning my sorrows in alcohol. But then I decided enough was enough - no more drinking and no more activities I associated with drinking (I had gotten in too deep for the last four years with both). Little by little, I began to feel better and little by little I started to focus on the things I do have in my life.

38 is still young, man. You can do whatever you want in this life - the question is are you willing to put in the effort? I'm having trouble finding a job but lately I've been revisiting my childhood dream of becoming a physician. Can you believe that sheet??? Less than a month a go I was getting drunk playing video games...VIDEO GAMES, now I'm contemplating medical school!!!

Congrats on the 5 days, the first week was the hardest for me so far (only at 21 days). Keep fighting the good fight and posting here to vent. You help more than just yourself by venting...so thank you and best wishes.
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Old 01-05-2010, 03:02 PM
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Originally Posted by Untoxicated View Post
Man can I relate. 33 here, laid off for over a year and still collecting unemployment set to expire in next month unless there is another extension. Although I never got a DUI, I should have - even passed a field sobriety test by the grace of God and got a fender bender ticket.

I guess my point is that I spent over a year feeling sorry for myself, being pissed at myself for losing a job that paid me over $100k a year (company car, prize vacations, etc. - it still hurts to think/type about it), and drowning my sorrows in alcohol. But then I decided enough was enough - no more drinking and no more activities I associated with drinking (I had gotten in too deep for the last four years with both). Little by little, I began to feel better and little by little I started to focus on the things I do have in my life.

38 is still young, man. You can do whatever you want in this life - the question is are you willing to put in the effort? I'm having trouble finding a job but lately I've been revisiting my childhood dream of becoming a physician. Can you believe that sheet??? Less than a month a go I was getting drunk playing video games...VIDEO GAMES, now I'm contemplating medical school!!!

Congrats on the 5 days, the first week was the hardest for me so far (only at 21 days). Keep fighting the good fight and posting here to vent. You help more than just yourself by venting...so thank you and best wishes.
This was a brilliant post and I just highlighted only 2 things out of this post that I wanted to add something to.

#1. Gratitude is key. Gratitude will keep you moving forward and will stop your head from turning around and checking the past.

#2. Attitude. This poster has an excellent attitude and just look what his change in attitude has accomplished for him. He went from video games to contemplating medical school. Thoughts are so powerful and can determine the direction of your future.

Godspeed with your recovery and just go with the flow until all the currents calm down. They will calm down. You are so very young and think of all the amazing people before you that failed only to succeed later in life.

When you have 1 min 18 seconds take a look at this powerful video. Never ever give up!

YouTube - Life=Risk--Motivation
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Old 01-05-2010, 03:16 PM
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While you're feeling angry try feeling a little greatful for the fact that you didn't kill yourself or someone else while you were DUI.
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Old 01-05-2010, 04:22 PM
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I know how you feel B............mine was years ago, lost a great job........etc....etc....I now struggle a bit financially.........it sucks.........but on the other hand.......I almost got on the highway that night........something pulled me to a barren dirt road......I don't think I would be posting right now if it had been different that night.......

Maybe you are being steered in a different direction that you just cannot see now?

Hugs. I know all you are feeling, trust me......oh, except my lawyer sucked.
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Old 01-05-2010, 04:39 PM
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How about making a Gratitude List?

You could begin with 'I didn't kill anyone while driving drunk"
"I do have a job" "I will be able to drive again"
"I'm only half way thru my life....the best is yet to come"

I find prayer gives me comfort and peace.

Day 5....your finisheing your initial de tox.
That too is something to be grateful for....
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Old 01-05-2010, 04:50 PM
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I love the positive thinking stuff, it worked like a treat for me...i used to read all sorts of motivational books and listen to speakers and even took to carrying affirmation cards round me with me...all nicely side stepping the simple fact that i suffer from alcoholism...kind of a positive denial?!

Anyways as has been said get to AA, get a sponsor and work the steps. What happened to me in all my years is getting back to no money, driving ****** cars etc...build my way back up...money in pocket and nice cars...back to no money, driving ****** cars and keep repeating...man those years fly by...before you know it you will be 48, then 58...without a pot to **** in, on your own and driving your **** box of a car...you might still have your old copy of dale carnegie's how to win friends and influence people or such like though;-)

Good luck man, a new life is there for the taking...get to a meeting and get a fresh start:-)
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Old 01-05-2010, 05:07 PM
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Grats on 5 day Beligerent! Let it all out man.

A guy in my group says "I called that judge a b*tch for years, then one day I realized that b*tch was just an Angel in disguise...Today I owe her my life..."
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Old 01-05-2010, 07:41 PM
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Beligerent ~

Don't know what your beliefs are/aren't but I saw something a while back that I've been using alot lately...

"When you're down to nothing, God is up to something."

I have personally experienced that there is a lesson to be learned in *everything* that happens - as insane as it sounds, try to trust that this was meant for your greater good.

My hope and wish is that you grow from this and trust that something awesome that you could never, ever have imagined or planned yourself will come out of this.

Peace,
Humble
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Old 01-06-2010, 12:06 AM
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I mainly lurk here now but I have to chime in....

Beligerent,

I loved your post. I was pinched in April of 2008 for a DUI and that was the catalyst to get me back in AA and I have been sober since. About six months into sobriety I stopped daydreaming about assault on a Massachusetts State Trooper. About a year sober I came to realize it was the best thing to ever happen to me. Now if you said to me then that I would say that now I would have called BS.

The whole gratitude thing gets lost on me. Guess I don't often feel it. Not there yet :-) But I have accepted that I'm a drunk and that I have a booze problem, alcohol (a DUI) had to be the final convincer. (after hospitalizations, lost jobs, relationships, family put through hell etc.) I was unreasonable and had to be put into a place of reasonableness, the frothy emotional appeals never worked. So in a really strange way I am happy it happened, it saved my life. Again, if some dude said what I am saying now when I was 5 days sober I would have told him to "F" off...... but I stuck around to gain the luxury of hindsight. Nothing too complex, stayed sober and did AA and I am now able to look at things with more clarity.

Please keep venting, venting early on also saved my life. Going to AA and telling people where I was at saved my life....

Never apoligize for talking or venting.

It was awesome to read your post.

Regards,

Chops

PS even with everything I said above being 100% true, I still get pissed at that cop now and again.....
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Old 01-06-2010, 12:20 AM
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Angry

Originally Posted by yeahgr8 View Post
I love the positive thinking stuff, it worked like a treat for me...i used to read all sorts of motivational books and listen to speakers and even took to carrying affirmation cards round me with me...all nicely side stepping the simple fact that i suffer from alcoholism...kind of a positive denial?!

Anyways as has been said get to AA, get a sponsor and work the steps. What happened to me in all my years is getting back to no money, driving ****** cars etc...build my way back up...money in pocket and nice cars...back to no money, driving ****** cars and keep repeating...man those years fly by...before you know it you will be 48, then 58...without a pot to **** in, on your own and driving your **** box of a car...you might still have your old copy of dale carnegie's how to win friends and influence people or such like though;-)

Good luck man, a new life is there for the taking...get to a meeting and get a fresh start:-)
.can you keep your words softer...please..oz..
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Old 01-06-2010, 01:16 AM
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you rock chops.......may the force be with you
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Old 01-06-2010, 02:51 PM
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You are right my friend. you pointing out that I joined this site 4.5 years ago just hit me hard. God i cant believe I joined and drank another almost 5 years
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Old 01-06-2010, 03:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Chops View Post
but I stuck around to gain the luxury of hindsight. ...

Thanks Chops... I'm gonna use this saying
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