Blogs


Notices

advice PLEASE

Old 01-07-2010, 01:11 PM
  # 141 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: scotland uk
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by jaitch View Post
I hope Daphne gets it, she would be a great top table.
May regret asking this ........what is meant by "she would be a great top table"
daphne is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 01:16 PM
  # 142 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 127
Originally Posted by daphne View Post
May regret asking this ........what is meant by "she would be a great top table"
A top table would be where you are telling your story of how you recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, or before you got to a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Remember you can go to an aa meeting purely on the basis of research.
jaitch is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 01:46 PM
  # 143 (permalink)  
Don't resist, allow
 
intention's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Originally Posted by daphne View Post
Anybody have any practical tips on cutting down or giving up without going down the AA route?
Hi Daphne

I could probably list at least 100 different ways to cut down on drinking as I was an expert at it!! I always had a different plan each week but unfortunately they all failed.

That said, when I gave up drinking this last week at the age of 41 I was drinking less and less frequently than I did when I was 19. Many times I justified my drinking "well at least I am not as bad as the old days" when I used to drink 6 or 7 pints of 5% lager in the pub, 7 nights a week, every week (I'm female).

But in those days it didn't bother me. I was young, having a laugh, hangovers were easy then. It doesn't matter how much less I have been drinking in the latter years - it matters how it has affected my health physically and how much it bothered me mentally. By that point it was quite literally killing me.

It's great that you have curbed your intake this week and long may it continue but I think if you are honest with yourself, you know in your heart at some point whether it be next week or next month, your intake will rise again because you don't have control over it. Anyone who had control wouldn't need to ask for tips on how to cut back, would they? Take care.
intention is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 02:15 PM
  # 144 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: scotland uk
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by intention View Post
Hi Daphne

I could probably list at least 100 different ways to cut down on drinking as I was an expert at it!! I always had a different plan each week but unfortunately they all failed.

That said, when I gave up drinking this last week at the age of 41 I was drinking less and less frequently than I did when I was 19. Many times I justified my drinking "well at least I am not as bad as the old days" when I used to drink 6 or 7 pints of 5% lager in the pub, 7 nights a week, every week (I'm female).

But in those days it didn't bother me. I was young, having a laugh, hangovers were easy then. It doesn't matter how much less I have been drinking in the latter years - it matters how it has affected my health physically and how much it bothered me mentally. By that point it was quite literally killing me.

It's great that you have curbed your intake this week and long may it continue but I think if you are honest with yourself, you know in your heart at some point whether it be next week or next month, your intake will rise again because you don't have control over it. Anyone who had control wouldn't need to ask for tips on how to cut back, would they? Take care.
thanks for you post
It all seems to be gettin very black and white.
I think people can have levels of control
It is not all or nothing. Something can a high or low degree of control over things in their lives and this fluctuates
The message I seem to be getting now is that alcohol has almost supernatural powers to control you and make you drink it !
Would you say to a smoker who cuts down to a couple a day that its a waste of time unless they give up completely?

If you can modify your environment , change your routines and remove triggers could a gradual reduction not help lead to total abstainence?
Or identifying the causes and reasons for drinking (e.g stress)and addressing them would help you stop. Identify cause to deal with effect. It seems cart before horse otherwise ??
daphne is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 02:20 PM
  # 145 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: scotland uk
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by jaitch View Post
A top table would be where you are telling your story of how you recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, or before you got to a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. Remember you can go to an aa meeting purely on the basis of research.
"seemingly hopeless state of mind and body " !!! aye I have dated a few of them in the past LOL
Never fear jaitch I will not let the evil liquor take over
How long u been sober ?
daphne is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 02:44 PM
  # 146 (permalink)  
Don't resist, allow
 
intention's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Originally Posted by daphne View Post
Would you say to a smoker who cuts down to a couple a day that its a waste of time unless they give up completely?

If you can modify your environment , change your routines and remove triggers could a gradual reduction not help lead to total abstainence?
Or identifying the causes and reasons for drinking (e.g stress)and addressing them would help you stop. Identify cause to deal with effect. It seems cart before horse otherwise ??
Hi Daphne, I would be happy for anyone who could modify their drinking down to safe recommended intake levels.

But we are discussing what to do if one can't cut down.

I found that I drink when I am happy, sad, alone, in company etc. I came to the conclusion that I just drink ! so no amount of looking for causes and reasons helped me to stop.

That said, AA is about alcohol being a disease of the body and the mind so we will still look at emotional issues for our drinking, once we have removed the physical reason by abstaining completely (the body can't crave when it is of the system).

'Resentment is our "number one" offender'. I never knew what a resentment was before I started working the 12 step programme. Then I realised resentments constantly played in my mind without me ever being aware of it.


Quotes from the BB first edition.
intention is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 02:46 PM
  # 147 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 127
Originally Posted by daphne View Post
"seemingly hopeless state of mind and body " !!! aye I have dated a few of them in the past LOL
Never fear jaitch I will not let the evil liquor take over
How long u been sober ?
Ive not had any alcohol for 13 years , no pills or powders for 7 years, I only have to quit smoking nicotine and hash to be totaly free, that is why I came here. Smoking is about to be consigned to the bin of no useness.

Primarily I am an alcoholic. I qualify for other 12 step programmes too. If you ever did get to AA, not that im saying you should of course, you will here beautiful one liners like,

Social Drinkers dont have to control it

I sincerely wish you well Daphne. I really do.
jaitch is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 02:48 PM
  # 148 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: scotland uk
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by intention View Post
Hi Daphne, I would be happy for anyone who could modify their drinking down to safe recommended intake levels.

But we are discussing what to do if one can't cut down.

I found that I drink when I am happy, sad, alone, in company etc. I came to the conclusion that I just drink ! so no amount of looking for causes and reasons helped me to stop.

That said, AA is about alcohol being a disease of the body and the mind so we will still look at emotional issues for our drinking, once we have removed the physical reason by abstaining completely (the body can't crave when it is of the system).

'Resentment is our "number one" offender'. I never knew what a resentment was before I started working the 12 step programme. Then I realised resentments constantly played in my mind without me ever being aware of it.


Quotes from the BB first edition.
Curious explain the "resentment" thing to me please
daphne is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 02:51 PM
  # 149 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: scotland uk
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by jaitch View Post
Ive not had any alcohol for 13 years , no pills or powders for 7 years, I only have to quit smoking nicotine and hash to be totaly free, that is why I came here. Smoking is about to be consigned to the bin of no useness.

Primarily I am an alcoholic. I qualify for other 12 step programmes too. If you ever did get to AA, not that im saying you should of course, you will here beautiful one liners like,

Social Drinkers dont have to control it

I sincerely wish you well Daphne. I really do.
Congratulations on staying off substances for such a long time (esp in our dear country!) Thanks for the good wishes too
d xx
daphne is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 02:57 PM
  # 150 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 127
Brilliant daphne, you have asked a question about Resentment, I look forward to reading answers to that.
jaitch is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 03:05 PM
  # 151 (permalink)  
Don't resist, allow
 
intention's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Originally Posted by daphne View Post
Curious explain the "resentment" thing to me please
It's step 4 of the programme and detailed fully in the chapter "How it works"

I am not sure it is something I want to go into here out of context because I have always said to anyone who asks not to think or worry about step 4 when you are at step 1 or before. The steps are in an order for a reason. I think the Big Book can be found easily online.

I found step 4 an amazing revelation into what was going on in my head.


All BB quotes from the first edition of the BB
intention is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 03:25 PM
  # 152 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: scotland uk
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by intention View Post
It's step 4 of the programme and detailed fully in the chapter "How it works"

I am not sure it is something I want to go into here out of context because I have always said to anyone who asks not to think or worry about step 4 when you are at step 1 or before. The steps are in an order for a reason. I think the Big Book can be found easily online.

I found step 4 an amazing revelation into what was going on in my head.


All BB quotes from the first edition of the BB
Hi there
sorry why use this in a post to me if you cannot explain it?
Step 4 sounded to me like some kind of confessional cleansing process? making lists of those you resent, things you have done ? who sees this list ? do you share it at a meeting or with a sponsor ??
I have reread the summary of the 12 steps and as said before cannot accomodate the religious aspects. My partner is a catholic and said it remined him of his religion - , sacrifcial , supernatural powers, confessional, contrition, ephinany and evangelical elements are clearly there.
I also read about some of the AA meeting formats , sounded almost like the masons to me very ritualistic.
It doesn't suprsie me AA was started at post prohibition by middle class, conservative middle america by christian men.
TBH the more I am reading the more it is creeping me out
daphne is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 03:42 PM
  # 153 (permalink)  
Awakening...
 
WakeUp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: in the present
Posts: 1,125
Originally Posted by daphne View Post
I also read about some of the AA meeting formats , sounded almost like the masons to me very ritualistic.
Ritualistic? It's just reading from pieces of paper.
WakeUp is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 03:45 PM
  # 154 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: scotland uk
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by WakeUp View Post
Ritualistic? It's just reading from pieces of paper.
Maybe I misinterpreted what I read. Seemed to follow set order. Have you read anything about the founders ? fascinating stuff
daphne is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 03:50 PM
  # 155 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Austin, Tx
Posts: 20
There are countless different flaws in the AA program pointed out by people who demonstrate very little understanding of it. If you actually want to understand it rather than find reasons to dismiss it, then read the big book. In reality, the 12 step program as it is outline in the text Alcoholics Anonymous, is simple, practical, and inclusive.

Most importantly, it works.

Like many people, I didn't want to do AA. However, nothing else worked for me, and AA did and still does. I thought life would be miserable without alcohol and drugs too. In fact, my life today is so great and satisfying that I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have found genuine meaning and purpose, as well as satisfaction and contentment through the 12 step program.

If you're willing to do anything to stop drinking, which may very well save your life, then you will work the 12 steps and they will work for you. In spite of all the reasons you can come up with why they won't work, they will.

It's your life though. Do whatever you want.
AustinJim is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 03:52 PM
  # 156 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 127
The disciplines of st ignatiuos is probably what your partner sees in AA, no harm in a bit of inner house cleaning. There are lots of things said about AA and AA meetings that arent true.Of course people see religion in it, it says God with a capital G so it must be religion, can you seperate God from religion. AA seperated God from religion for me, I was stuck with my Proddy grannys God, he was a scary God. You are definitely looking for something Daphne it is shouting out of every post you make. I think you may find what your looking for in AA, I could be wrong of course, have a look at the Book Alcoholics Anonymous without prejudice.

Still wishing you well.
jaitch is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 03:53 PM
  # 157 (permalink)  
Member
 
ANEWAUGUST's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The Sunny South
Posts: 1,666
Wow..what a thread!

Hmm..the doctor suggested you abstain from drinking.

You did it for six weeks, and made a decision to go back to drinking.

You said you crave a drink....but, aren't addicted or believe the disease concept.

But, you have cut down, and haven't been drinking as much since posting here.

Everyone has shared their thoughts, ideas, experience, strength and hope.

The question remains though, are you going to follow doctors orders?

Your choice.
ANEWAUGUST is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 03:54 PM
  # 158 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 57,084
Hi Daphne,

I'm glad you're here and asking questions.

Yes, it is definitely possible to recover without using AA.

There are many of us on these boards who are doing that, and I am one. I have been sober for about 9 1/2 years now. I have made many changes in my life, mostly from the inside out and I have found a spiritual (not religious) connection.

As far as cutting back and eventually stopping, it might work for you. But, I tried so hard to do that for about a year, with great determination, and it didn't stick.
Anna is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 03:56 PM
  # 159 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 127
Originally Posted by daphne View Post
Maybe I misinterpreted what I read. Seemed to follow set order. Have you read anything about the founders ? fascinating stuff
Yes , you will read many fascinating things about AA founders, my favourite is that Bill W, he founder if you like. said he was the reincarnation of Jesus. He wouldnt be the first person to think that and if I had passed on a message that quickly spread round the world and was getting results I might think i was Jesus,

Read The Book Daphne.
jaitch is offline  
Old 01-07-2010, 03:59 PM
  # 160 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: scotland uk
Posts: 163
Originally Posted by ANEWAUGUST View Post
Wow..what a thread!

Hmm..the doctor suggested you abstain from drinking.

You did it for six weeks, and made a decision to go back to drinking.

You said you crave a drink....but, aren't addicted or believe the disease concept.

But, you have cut down, and haven't been drinking as much since posting here.

Everyone has shared their thoughts, ideas, experience, strength and hope.

The question remains though, are you going to follow doctors orders?

Your choice.
Great debate it is and really learning a lot . Am reading some objective writings on AA now as my interest sparked by others on here.
Yes cut back a lot this week
Get bloods back Mon
Going to try the one day at a time approach. Weekend I do lots of social things so harder to avoid nice drink with friends.
Thanks for your concern
daphne is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:44 PM.