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Old 01-05-2010, 06:06 AM
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Holidays...

Pretending and Hypocrisy...

I tried. It did not work.

Ice cubes, the big H, and alcohol.

Not allowed around my family. My boyfriend wants nothing to do with me. My friends are drifting and they don't even know the extent.

So hard. I did. I was determined. I even bought a new Bible.

Scared... Proof of feelings, but also proof of I don't give a

Shouldn't bbe posting under these conditions.
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Old 01-05-2010, 06:15 AM
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Why shouldn't you be posting - isn't that why we're all here - to hold each up during times like this? We've all had them to one extent or another.

You haven't curled up in a fetal position and given up, Eureka. You've come here to reach out and hopefully work on a new plan, one that will work. You CAN get well, hold your head up, and show everyone who you really are.

I can imagine how devastating this is, but use it to become more determined than ever to banish this garbage from your life. This never has to happen again. Sending love to you.
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Old 01-05-2010, 06:18 AM
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It is scary, very much so.
Nothing will change though if you don't. I know I can't do it on my own and no I don't have anyone around me that understands or even wants to understand. Most people don't know. The only thing I do have is SR and for the time being it works. My friends on the other side of the world know because I told them; yet they still forward emails about drinking and booze to me. We are alone unless we find others that go through the same. Other alcoholics/addicts that understand. They have to become our family until we are fully recovered and beyond. I stopped looking for understanding within family, circle of friends, etc. They don't and I can't blame them.
Please stay with SR and do keep posting. We are all here to support you.
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Old 01-05-2010, 06:38 AM
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Welcome Eureka.......

I just got a new bible too......I know I can NOT do it alone! I feel the
first step is reaching out.....Good for you!!

love & hugzzzz
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Old 01-05-2010, 06:43 AM
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Don't you dare give up. Frustrating? Oh yes it is. Can you do it? Bank on it! When will it happen? When drinking is no longer an option in your mind.

You WILL get there, but it is in no way an easy journey. It is totally worth it though and your feelings of despair will be lifted the longer you are sober. You will still have times of sadness, but that utter feeling of darkness comes from the alcohol in my opinion. It took awhile for my brain to rewire itself after I stopped drinking and then I had to help it along with books on recovery and such. It is hard work, but I think the reward is huge!
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Old 01-05-2010, 07:00 AM
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Ya know, I have a bible too. I don't always read it but it does comfort me at times to know that I have it. There have been nights when I'd clutch it and pray to Jesus to never allow me to ever drink again. In spite of all that, I usually ended up drinking again. Now don't get me wrong. I have a deep and undying love for the Holy Trinity and I would never besmirch that which is holy.

We humans can only do so much. But we are the ones who must initiate the change. I heard a wonderful message last night from Joel Osteen. That message went something like, "If we humans do what is natural, then God will add the "super" and those two things will allow us to do things that are supernatural."

For us addicts and alcoholics, to me that means that we do what is natural by getting into some sort of recovery program and reestablishing a sense of well being and freedom from drugs and alcohol. If we only just believe that we can do it and we work for it then in due time we will find ourselves in a different place doing different things than we did before. No more drugs, no more alcohol, no more shame and guilt, no more remorse and regret. We'll be healthy and free of addiction. The power of God, or HP, will propel us to do things that we never thought we could.
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Old 01-05-2010, 07:04 AM
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eureka do not despair, there is hope in recovery, doing this alone works for very few, SR can be a tremendous asset and alone works for some.

If you find that SR alone is not getting the job done, why not give a long term recovery program a shot. When I say give a program a shot I would suggest that you WORK it at least 90 days every day to the best of your ability before you decide this is not for me.

No program works unless one WORKS it.

What worked for me was AA. Not only did I find a solution for my problems in the steps, but I also found real sober friends and support in the fellowship in AA. I will not lie and say I loved the meetings at first, I did not, but I wanted so bad to not be a drunk any more that I kept going back every day..... in time things got better by working the program and by getting support from fellow recovering alcoholics and I made friends and began to look forward to meetings.

Meetings for me are over an hour of peace, a place I feel safe sharing my problems and found solutions with others.

Find a program and stay at it until the miracle happens.
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Old 01-05-2010, 11:11 AM
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I've had the same experience as Saphie - friends & family just don't get it and don't seem to care to become educated on the subject. I can't relate to that attitude, because if it had been any one of them with this problem I'm certain I would have tried to empathize and find out more so I could help.

I've said it many times on here, finding SR is what got me sober and kept me that way for almost 2 yrs. now. I just needed someone to understand and not condemn me. (Most likely that same feeling can be found by attending meetings, though I haven't done that yet.) Please don't give up on yourself, eureka - talk to us & let us know how you're doing today.
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Old 01-05-2010, 04:05 PM
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I'm glad you're back Eureka - like Hevyn said - SR is here for ppl like yourself - and the fact you're here means you haven't given up

I think Taz's advice is good - if you've been doing this alone, or on willpower, it's time to call in reinforcements.

Face to face support is so important for most of the people here. I hope you'll look into it

D
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Old 01-05-2010, 04:26 PM
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Welcome back to SR.....

The holiday season is gone....what are you
planning to do about your situation?
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