Notices

sad

Old 01-03-2010, 11:47 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Owner of a strange glitch.
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
sad

Hi y'all.

I'm sad. 14 days sober, the last 4 I've just been sad, and getting sadder each day.

I've gotten this far before--not much farther though--and I've learned about the emotional rollercoaster, which was never pleasant but at least the moods changed. This one hasn't.

I can barely get through a morning routine, and then I don't want to go anywhere, do anything--if my sponsor wasn't driving me to meetings, I'd never go. I haven't cooked since New Years (didn't that day either), until earlier today I had some macaroni. I don't want to eat, don't want to get dressed, don't want to do anything. Can't think straight at all, and have trouble with basic logic lately. And when I try to think about anything at all, the thought process takes me fairly quickly to a state of utter uselessness and permanent despair. I'm actually quite good at it... not that I wanted to be.

I'd rather go back to being useful, but I can't see that happening from here, and the 'day at a time' thing is giving me the biggest loophole. In the last six months I have learned that *everything* can be put of till tomorrow if needs be... but for the last six months I was flat broke and I'm not anymore. The need is no longer there, but the excuse has stayed. I'm changing into someone I don't like, or changed, I suppose. That's been true for about a week now, but these last few days I see myself slipping away even more. I no longer seem to have any kind of self-preservation in me...

I'm not suicidal, I just don't do anything to help myself stay alive. And since nobody is here to tell me to do anything... I'm just slipping away.

Tried to call some AA people, went down the list but no answer (nigh on ten pm though). Then someone called back and asked if I'd called the number--but her number didn't display so I don't know who it was. I said I might have, I called a lot of people, she said she didn't know me, have a good night.

I'm not.

Sorry. I thought this might make me feel better, but now I'm crying so I guess it didn't. Might as well post it anyways... me and my bulletin board of a journal.

Take care whoever read this,
TB
thirtybubba is offline  
Old 01-03-2010, 11:55 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 128
Sending hugs your way. I'm only new to this as well so I haven't really got any advice for you but to hold in there and I hope tommorrow is a better day for you xxx
sunshinebaby is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 12:01 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
wichitalineman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Seattle!
Posts: 211
Hey there,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience. I have felt the same way before at different stages. Right now I am (once again) on day 8. Just keep going, relax, take a deep breath. You don't have to be a hero this week, or this month. Just get through your day today, and take it just one day at a time. Reach out to people here on the board: we're reading!

Hang in there TB. Keep posting!

//_wlx
wichitalineman is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 12:04 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: ozstrayleeya
Posts: 2,950
yeah,good post....i forgot lol..ozy
OZboy is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 01:27 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 210,931
I'm sorry you feel sad Bubba.

It is common tho - and every attempt at sobriety I had was different. That this time is different may not mean anything.

Sometimes in early sobriety, I just had to put my head down, and trust that what I was feeling was my body and mind readjusting to being sober, rather a response to anything, or a true feeling.

It certainly wasn't a 'new me' or anything like that. It passed.

Depression is common to nearly everyone in early sobriety Bubba - but, if it's debilitating, or you're worried, please see a Dr.

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 01:45 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Rockstar
 
Sikkisirus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Wales, UK
Posts: 634
(((hugs))) to you TB. Early on people still feel raw from the cloud of alcohol but that cloud does eventually lift
Sikkisirus is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 02:25 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Owner of a strange glitch.
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just letting myself fall to see if anybody picks me up... does that make any sense? I did that before. Nobody picked me up, so I did.

I suppose it doesn't have to make sense, coming from me. I don't make much sense most of the time, I suppose.

I thank all y'all for y'all replies... I do hope it gets better. Just can't see past today... and all I remember is being sad now (I have a short memory when it comes to emotions, always have had).

TB
thirtybubba is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 03:17 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
shaun00's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
i know what booze does in the physical sense......damage i mean.

but i know little about the effect on brain chemistry...and or/mental effects of withdrawal.

someone once told me this.

when we drink for years.. alcohol rewires our brains up
and when we stop it takes a while for the brain to put it all back in the right place.
so while that goes on its not unusual for deep emotional shifts to go on.
i.e....very very happy......very very sad.......unfounded fears.....the whole spectrum.......but the point is.....they are big swings....one way or the other.

made sense to me at the time...upto about 4 months i remember feeling like i could kiss you one minute.....and throttle you the next.
deep lows with deeper highs.

over time those deep troughs and highs became more balance out.

now i want to throttle people all the time..lol..lol...............joke.

hope that helps.
shaun00 is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 06:09 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
mirage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Sorry you're feelin crappy, TB. Just try to remember to take care of yourself..ya gotta eat. I've not experienced depression like that, so the only advice I could offer is stuff I've read here, and you've heard it, or maybe even said it...so I'll just say I'm thinkin about you. Hope this passes soon for you! :ghug3
mirage is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 06:13 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Horselover's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
So sorry you are going through this, but I "think" we've all been there. My emotions were a roller coaster for months. I did finally see a doctor and I advise you to do the same. You should if you haven't, get a full physical. It will pass and one day tomorrow will come and you will feel hope. Hugs - Sarah
Horselover is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 06:37 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Follow Directions!
 
Tazman53's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
TB hon you are going through a place I went through in early sobriety, obviously a lot of us do, those first 30 days were an up & down ride for me as well. It seemed as though there were a thousand nights those first 30 days. The emotional rollercoaster ride was pretty vicous.

TB there are no rules in AA, if you need to talk to some one keep calling folks.

TB for me the rollercoaster ride lasted a long time (It seemed like forever), 2-3 months, but in talking with others I found out that a lot of folks go through this, it is not a good time, but keep calling and keep bringing it up to folks with some time sober at meetings. Oh yea pray & post up here as well.

The roller coaster ride gets smoother eventually. Once you have walked through these times you will find faith that the next time this comes up that you can walk through it as well.
Tazman53 is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 06:40 AM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 67
Hey TB.....I hear ya `bout the sadness. Now really, compared to alot of folks around here, I didn`t drink that much. 3 or 4 extra strong beers per night( at home, and not every night)...binge drinking when out with buddies.

However, I havent had a drink since NYE and while I feel great in the morning with no hangover, yay!....and I`m very proud of myself for not drinking....as the day wears on, I do feel depressed. It`s not too overwhelming, but it is there nonetheless. Yesterday I was sitting in the car with the little one while she napped and the rest of the family went into the grocery store. Well of course the liquor store is there too. I had the lucky spot right in front where I could see all the happy people going in and grabbing their cases of beer, or their bottles of wine or booze. That was ****ing hard let me tell ya. My mind was telling me that maybe I could drink moderately, yada yada yada...you know how it goes. Well, I did my best to shut that mind up.

I read alot about nutrition and health, and have managed to maintain close to a hundred pound weight loss since 6 or 7 years ago. Nutrition and hydration is HUGE!!!! It not only affects your body, but it does so much for your brain functions too.

Do your body a favour and give it the nutrients it needs. I always tell people who want to lose weight a few simple things. And I think the advice will go well with someone who wants to get healthy while giving up booze.

Eat clean! Think....lean meats....whole grains, and tons of vegetables and fruit. I really recommend the book ``Eating clean``. Theres also one called eating clean for men. Read through it and it will open your eyes to what real nutrition can do for your body and mind. Give up all sugary fizzy drinks.....deep fried foods etc etc. Drink unsweetened tea. Japanese green tea is my favorite

On top of that, your body needs water. Lots and lots of it.

Anyhow, that`s a few tips on taking care of your health, and of course that goes for your mind as well. Hopefully it will help you deal with depression and sadness as it seems to do for me.

Cheers TB,
MMeat
mmeat is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 07:06 AM
  # 13 (permalink)  
6/20/08
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
A deep sadness could be a clinical depression. If this continues, you really need to see a doctor. Really.
coffeenut is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 07:10 AM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,270
TB,

Early sobriety was a very sad time for me too because I had to process all the stuff I'd been running away from. If it doesn't pass, please do talk to your dr.
Anna is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 09:25 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
mergirl
 
Gypsy Feet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
bubba, the first 6 weeks of sobriety I was shame and despair, nothing more. I got a small taste of the Light after that, and held on for dear life. It took months before things started shifting to a place were I was un-miserable more than I was miserable.

You have to hang on to get there honey. Call your sponsor today, get outside in the sun, MAKE yourself do something positive even if you don't want to. Pray. Read your big book. Post on other's threads here and offer support. Go sit on a curb with a hot chocolate, and people watch, think of all you have to be grateful for and be silent, and let the guidance come.

Just don't drink, it does get better.
Gypsy Feet is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 12:11 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
part time member
 
LovesToTravel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,910
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just letting myself fall to see if anybody picks me up... does that make any sense? I did that before. Nobody picked me up, so I did.
This makes perfectly good sense to me! Nobody picked me up I feel that I got exactly the opposite....but I didn't drink. I went for a walk and thought about it...we are in this for ourselves...you do it for yourself..because no one else is going to do it for you. Join me and do it for yourself. You do have lots of support here. : (only one I know..LOL)
LovesToTravel is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 01:08 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
Saphie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: My world
Posts: 379
Maybe it's the 'new year and nothing has changed' that makes us feel like we are falling without anybody picking us up. I don't know, I even feel I'm not just falling, I'm being kicked down. LTT is right, we need to pick ourselves up. Nobody else will. I'm just really grateful I'm still sober.
Saphie is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 01:39 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I felt like absolute hell when i put the last drink down for weeks...guilty, remourceful, sad...you know that sadness and hopelessness that is there from the moment you wake up till the moment you get pissed or go to sleep...the 'ache' in the centre of the chest near to the heart, well now getting pissed wasn't an option it was there all the time...horrible! I noticed it go about 5/6 days after it had actually gone, i woke up and had nothing on my mind and didn't feel any of the bad feelings, if i remember rightly it was about the time i made my first amend on step 9 which coincidentally is when, give or take a few amends, the promises are suppsoed to start to come true (so my sponsor told me and i believe him)...man i remember that feeling and i don't want it back...hope you find a way to get rid of yours TB:-)

Incidentally i had that feeling all the time when i did my 5 months dry drunk, thats sucked absolute b***s!!!!!!!! Where was my pink cloud;-)

Last edited by Dee74; 01-04-2010 at 02:09 PM.
yeahgr8 is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 03:42 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
tallcactus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
((Thirtybubba))
You just need to hang in there. This will pass.
You been numbing all your feeling for so long, you haven't had time to deal with the stuff that you have that you always escaped from thur drink. Just give yourself more time. Do what gypsy advised, get outside, sit in the sun, read a book, go to more meeting.
Stay strong.
tallcactus is offline  
Old 01-04-2010, 04:49 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Om, Aum, Ohm...
 
Sugah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Have you started step work with your sponsor, TB? That was one thing I couldn't put off until tomorrow -- I had to start moving and keep moving, through any emotion, and yes, I came through the other side. Please, ask your sponsor how to get started and have faith that it will see you through.

Peace & Love,
Sugah
Sugah is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:30 PM.