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I want to live again

Old 01-03-2010, 06:26 PM
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I want to live again

I have been addicted to percocet since 2007. I now take 150 10/325 mg pills every month, which I get from my pain management doctor. I had an MRI done, which showed extensive nerve and muscle damage in my back, plus I have arthritis in my knees. I started out taking the pills as prescribed, but you know the story...before I knew it I was taking more and more and more, and now I find myself lost in a sea of pills.

My life is no longer mine anymore. All I want to do is take these pills. I can't even get out of bed in the morning before I take a pill. I have not been living, just existing. The only person who knows about my addiction is my husband. He has been supportive but does not really know what to do other than offer words of encouragement. Of course, he is a smoker, so he knows what being addicted to something is like. I am still blessed to have him though. I am so ashamed of my behavior, and I want my life back.

I'm so glad to have discovered this site with people who have been where I am at now. My next doctor's appointment is January 18th, and of course, instead of taking 5 pills per day as prescribed, I will be down to taking 1 or 2 a day, because I will have used more than I was supposed to.

I did a cold-turkey withdrawal for 5 days back in September 2009, and it was the worse thing I have ever been through in my life. It was so bad that instead of me completing it, I called the doctor to change my appointment so I could come in earlier because I had not had a pill in 5 days. I was so disappointed in myself, because I believe I would be well into recovery if I had not given up.

I realize that the only way is to go cold-turkey, because if there are pills anywhere in the house I will take them. I am just so fearful of withdrawal that I don't want to go through it again. I know that ultimately the decision to become drug-free is mine alone to make. Please pray for me to gain the courage and determination I need to stop this vicious drug abuse cycle.

...Love you all.

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Old 01-03-2010, 06:33 PM
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Unhappy

..thanks for seeking help and i will pray for you...

..please don't self diagnose your medication..

..others will be along soon to perhaps offer more..

...
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Old 01-03-2010, 06:38 PM
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Hi again Jazzy

I really believe the best way forward to be honest and open with your doctor - this is true for any of us, but it's especially true for those of us who have legitimate pain issues.

Do talk frankly with your doctor and canvass all your options.

I'm glad you have a great support in your husband and I'm glad you're here with us too

D
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Old 01-03-2010, 06:50 PM
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Hi Jazzy,

I'm sorry you are going through this, and I will definitely say a prayer for you to get through the withdrawls.
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Old 01-03-2010, 07:10 PM
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I'm all for total abstinence. But are you sure cold turkey is the way to go? I mean realistically you have "actual" physical pain issues. Until you can maybe get deep into physical therapy or something for the actual pain, and some emotional therapy for the addction, maybe slowly weaning via doctor's orders is more feasible? I'm no doctor, and I don't know, but I hate to see anyone needlessly bounce back and forth between full-on and full-off, that seems unnecesarily agonizing and dangerous.

Just some things to consider asking him about...
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Old 01-03-2010, 07:22 PM
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when I was in early recovery,
I also couldn't have a pill in the house.

I am an alcoholic
who also had a pill problem.

I had a pill problem
because I had a PAIN problem
that doctors would not recognize
until I was over two years' sober.

I think I suffered from the pain of this condition
far too long
before the doctors would address that it was a REAL condition.

Now three plus years into it -
(also using a program of recovery, and the support here)
I take a daily pain medication
i don't abuse it - I take it 'as perscribed' (pre-scribed?)
and it's just fine.

I wanted to welcome you, though -
to SR and to the friendships to be had here -

and tell you that I hope you'll be completely honest with your doctor.
I'm not so sure about the cold turkey thing ...
sometimes they've got better ideas.
Please just try to remain open to the doc's suggestions as well.


You'll get plenty of support here !
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Old 01-03-2010, 07:40 PM
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Thanks everyone for your replies of encouragement. I guess I feel the way I do about being drug-free is that although I have legitimate pain issues, I just feel so out of control. I would find it a victory if I could just get back to taking my medication as prescribed.

You're also right about being honest with my doctor, and I will speak to him about my problems at my next appointment.

Feeling better already!

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Old 01-03-2010, 07:55 PM
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I have a friend in recovery that uses a pain pump. This takes the pain medication out of her hands and yet she still gets pain medication. Just thought I would mention this as something you could discuss with your MD.
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