scoteesh

Hi, not sure where to begin but i am about to hit the 2 day mark and tbh, im not sure what to think. A little background, never drank, competed at lets say a high level in sport ad was successful then moved abroad and began drinking, more to keep me at the level 7-8 so to speak as i am adhd and the drink would keep me this way.

My metabolism due to my sport i am able to drink a lot and people dont notice and yes i know what you are thinking, people do but when people that dont drink ask you to drive them to town and you have finished a bottle of vodka, you start to worry. My car has had more "problems " than a garage eg. any excuse for me not to drive.

Not sure where i am going with this but the times come to get this fixed, its been 5 years of stop and start and its time to stop and time to start my life again. Part of me is worried so much of the possible problems regarding skin etc that i take all types of health supplements and i am addicted to benadryl capsules for over 3 years, if i stop them i get itchy. I began taking them so that i wouldnt get red and i havent, till now.

So i am dying to take a capsule as i am itcvhing and my face is burning , from using a different aftershave and im all blotchy and paranoid, very very vain regarding ageing, not so much good looks , nore just not looking like an alki, sorry if i have offended if i have, but to be broken red faced in my circles would not just be surprising but quite shameful.

Many dont know my alcohol problem, they think im just my usual self, but im not. Well im sorry for rambling on but i have to get this out, if people have questions or advice, please feel free.

Im 30, scottish and i need to change.

eesh



PS. Sorry about the grammar and spelling

Anna

Hi Eesh,

Welcome!

Drinking affects us from the inside out and I sure didn't look my best when I was drinking either. Even so, I tended to deny the effects that drinking had on my body. It might be a good idea to talk to your dr about the Benadryl and about stopping drinking. Detoxing from alcohol can be dangerous.

I'm glad you're on Day 2 and I hope you keep reading and posting.

ANGELINA243

Welcome! Glad you are here. I would definitely recommend seeing a Dr. (like what Anna said). I needed help to safely get off booze. Also, in times past I also drank and took meds--one of which was Benadryl...which is why I can't take them now. Keep posting! We do recover.

HumbleBee

Congrats on day 2 and for reaching out.

I have to agree about seeing a doc...with adhd, your metabolism/high tolerance, benadryl, skin rashes, it might help to ease your frustration and side effects of quitting by seeking a professional who can guide you through this.

Nobody has to know except you and your doctor (if you so choose).

Welcome. Look forward to seeing more posts from you. SR is a great place.

Dee74

Hi Scoteesh

I too recommend seeing a Dr - it's the sensible thing to do. They can help you with all your addictions and check you over. They may even have suggestions for the blotches.

Welcome to SR
D

Shifty

Hi Scoteesh,

Don't worry if you think you're rambling, just get it out there. I'm looking forward to reading more about your situation.

scoteesh

Hi and thanks for the replys, i was at my doctors and told her the truth regarding my drinking and the benadryl and i will be honest, she just dismissed my problem, she said i need to get blood tests then they can decide. I had blood tests 6 months ago as i went with the same prroblem, had the tests and the doctor was very surprised at how well my bloods were, i have drank a bottle of vodka, 70cl a night no problem, weekends i would buy 2 litres and lock the house down till monday.

I am past that now and recently was binging on half bottles, gin, as it tends not to leave a smell etc, always drinking with straws and using clear juice, regarding the lesser colourings. Just explaining the efforts i go to to hide it and a half bottle is basically 2.5 drinks.

So twice i have been and said i have an alcohol problem, twice nothing, im taking it as a sign.....eg. its up to me, not something else.

The drinking of spirits has been 2 years now, i dont drink beer or singles in a bar, worthless, closet drinker i very much am.


WAS

scoteesh

Thanks and i am positive its the non-usual shaving gel i have used the last few days. I have to get this poison out, my libido is in bits, i realised recently and is also related to benadryl that it can go. I am/ was very highly sexed long before i was a drinker and never bother when drinking or out perhapps, but i had a lack of it going up recently and it scared the wits out of me, problem also was the girl i was with didnt realise i had sunk 20 dbls previously and thought i had just had a cpl.

Apologies if its graphic, just wanted to say, appreciate you all asking me and offering.

Also i dont discount the doctors, it wasnt my usual one this time and last time.

Having the adhd, when i drink, i calm down, though i am trying to achieve the buzz of me being straight and high as a kite.

Hope this helps eexplain a little.

I keep saying every week, .one more night of it, i deserve this, then i ddo it again and again and again......im sick of lieing to me.

HumbleBee

You'll find that many of us (certainly me) drank alone (and often)!

Interesting about the blood tests...

As for the doctors, unfortunately, some still reject the idea that some people are alcoholics/addicts if they're high functioning and/or accomplished (it happened to a friend of mine).

I'd see another doc if it were me.

Best of luck and hope all works out well for you ~

Dee74

Another doctor better versed in alcoholism, and anxiety, may help scoteesh
Maybe you can ask for your usual one?

D

scoteesh

Yeah, she gave me temazepam and beta blockers to calm down but in turnrn i couldnt train daily which had me down, hence why i have been sticking weith the alcohol.

Appreciate your reply and im not trying to rule out docs or peoples help, reason i came here, wasnt working with the docs.

InsideOut

Thanks for sharing scoteesh. You are NOT alone in your feelings of hope for recovery. I am on day 2 of a new journey that I am willing to work on to last a lifetime!! I am also tired of the cycle of drinking too much, day in/day out, making the same empty promises to myself......the feelings of guilt and shame for me are tremendous.....the insanity MUST stop! I am reading, posting and sharing ALL day if that's what it takes.....so far so good!!

Keep sharing, please, really helps me too!! Hugzzzzzzz

scoteesh

Ok, hi again. Day 3 is nearly done and i am feeling quite fine, the redness is dissapearing and i felt verrrrrry hyper this morning, felt good, not waking up hungover but feeling like i need 10 coffees to wake up. To be honest im noticing i have more time as i wasnt planning which store or shop to go to for drink, i lways chose a different one each day and had numerous ways of smuggling into my shared appartment.

There are usually 2 drawers full of bottles as i save them up and wait for a free house before taking them to the bottle bank, they have been seen before, the bags and people have been pretty shocked, as to look at me as i said, i dont seem as if i can or do drink so much, you get sore arms putting them in the recycle bin !!!! This was always done in the dead of night.

My water intake is back up, i drink 3 litres a day but changed jobs recently and stopped it completely. Alcohol and the lemonade with straws was on top of this amount each day too. Well what can i say, im not one for going on peoples threads and reading and offering support, i dont mean it in a selfish way, its just, i dont know how perhaps so please dont be offended and i sincerely appreciate the replys people are giving me here.

As someone said, if they feel better or can gain from my daily write up or current frame of mind, thats no problem at all.........in a way i wanted to find people to speak with in a similar situation but im not much of a forum user.

A bit of me is thiniking of the buzz of the alcohol but a lot more of me knows that i know it well and to have a break. Another thing, im not sure i want to never touch it etc, i just want the control that i can have a drink socially ( when i do i never get in drunken stupors, probably as everyone is far wasted than me so easily, given my tollerance ) but to wake up the next day and be my usual self BUT not want some that night, thats where it goes wrong for me.

Well, thanks again and if u have any questions, please feel free.

I have calculated i have already saved 100 pound at least since new years morning. eg didnt go to the city at night, didnt buy a bottle last night or tonight.

Thanks

scoteesh

1 week gone and it has flown by, i have even been taking extra shifts at work regarding the weekend so that i dont give myself too much free time.

All the best to everyone and nothings going to change till we do.

Thanks again to everyone.

InsideOut

Hey Scoteesh,

I am sharing your 1 week celebration!!

Your doing GREAT!! Keep on keeping on!!

lauraandersen4

Saving $ is pretty cool. That is one thing that surprised me. Since my brother sends me back every time I visit with a LOT of homemade wine, I was only spending $ on vodka. When my friend asked me how much I spent on alcohol (which I drink largely because I'm in a hopeless amount of debt I can't stop thinking about... over a quarter of a million) I was SHOCKED at how much I'm wasting every year!

That is a big benefit to stopping I'm sure. Buy yourself something nice

scoteesh

Well, still not touched nothing, actually though i may try another 28 days as this record is soon to be beaten, think i am on day 27, from new years morning anways.

I remember last year when i did my 28 days i actually got quite paranoid when i got a few drinks in me, not being used to the situation maybe.

Wondering what to do next, another week, another month, set no agenda at all, have a few drinks to test myself regarding NOT drinking the next day ?

So much to choose from though as you can see i have more ideas regarding not having a drink, as frankly im seeing it as a waste of time so i guess the last option isnt happening anytime soon.

What to do ?

Hmmmmm


Thanks for reading

intention

Hi, have you never tested yourself on this before?

least

I've quit drinking more times than I can remember, and each time I went back to it, intending to 'moderate' my drinking, it didn't work. I was right back to drinking too much. The only way for me is to not drink at all. All the best to you in your sober journey.

Dee74

Congratulations on your sober time
D