Thanks for the advice, but there was nothing wrong with my sponsor. She was smart, kind and helpful. AA is just a bad fit for me. I realize it works for some people, but it is frustrating to constantly be told to try something that I've already tried and did not find helpful.

Perhaps I articulated it poorly, but what I meant was some version of what several people on this thread have said about being ready to quit. It's not that I don't understand step 1. I'm no longer attempting the steps.

I don't have any suggestions that would help you manage alcoholism. In my experience and understanding of alcoholism, drinking just isn't manageable for us.

I do have a question, though. With all the consequences you listed in your first post, what do you see yourself receiving from drinking? What does it give you that you still have the desire to manage it rather than quitting all together? I'm not trying to be confrontational -- just asking.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

There are many ways to deal with addiction and we support all recovery methods here. But, I can't 'manage' my drinking.

I am not an AA person either, but it does work for many.

My advice would be to take a leap of faith, and take one step, to move outside the cycle you are in. Take action and do one thing differently. You will find that there is a ripple effect in your life.

It certainly doesn't do for me what it used to, but being drunk still feels better than being sober. It's as simple and horrible and intractable as that. I find sobriety sufficiently uncomfortable that I cannot stand the idea of having to do it all the time.

That makes perfect sense to me. For a very long time, a drunken state that resulted in trouble was still better than a sober state that I couldn't deal with at all. As problematic as drinking was, it wasn't the primary problem. Stark raving sobriety -- that was the real problem. Like you, too, the booze eventually didn't work as well, and then, it didn't work at all. I don't know a more miserable place to be.

Whatever you find that works for you, I hope you find it soon.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

I was where you were at for a long time and it wasn't until I decided to "let go and let God" that things started to click for me. Trying to white knuckle it and do it on my own will power did not get me anywhere. I literally admitted that I was powerless and needed help. I also was to the point that I was willing to do ANYTHING necessary and that has gotten me to almost 60 days sober. Good luck and hang in there...keep looking for what works for you and don't give up!!

Sobriety does get better and easier. It sucked for the first few months. Sometimes it still sucks. My problems are still there - they haven't gone anywhere. It's been a lot easier to deal with things sober than drinking though. In my experience, things just got to the point where I HAD to deal with them. I had to stop drinking/using over a serious health problem and spent some time in hospital. My emotional pain hasn't stopped but I am better able to deal with it and resovle it. Drinking really solved nothing for me. It just numbed the pain for a while, but I had gotten to the point where I really couldn't function. I couldn't shower, couldn't go to work, couldn't leave the house, let alone deal with the financial hole I had dug myself into, prepare for major surgery or address my family of origin issues.

Dealing with life sober isn't easy but the gifts that sobriety brings makes up for it. In sobriety we have options and possibilities that we'll never have in drinking. The pain does ease up. Sobriety does get easier. It just takes persistence and a willingness to try different things. Talking to people and reaching out is really important, so stick around SR. Maybe post each day and let us know how you are doing. We all benefit from each other's experience.

Thanks, you guys. I really appreciate all the encouraging posts. It's comforting to know that people at least as bad off as me have done it. It's just hard to try again knowing the odds of failure (hence my interest in managing the problem). But I am going to try again... tomorrow.

Just keep posting with us, no matter what. A lot of people are able to maintain sobriety by becoming part of the SR community. Have a look around and jump in wherever. Everyone here wants to see you happy and well because we all know that once the drinking/using has stopped, the problem is living. Hang in there.

If you give up the odds of failure are 100% LadySlur.

The only statistics I worry about these days are my own - I had to look it up LOL but for the last 1001 days I've been clean and sober :)

You can do this too.

Keep trying, keep looking for ways that make sense to you, keep focused, keep reading and posting...it is possible, and you are not alone :)

D

I've often wondered about the "odds of failure" with sobriety. I think alot of people look at those statistics and let it be an excuse for failure. I certainly don't want to come off all high and mighty here, because I failed time and time again. I think I often "let myself off" though, saying "it's just impossible, I can't do it." The truth was I didn't want to put the effort that was required in.

The nice thing about the odds of success with sobriety is that you have a good deal of control over them. It's not like Vegas where you have to either be very luck or skilled, or more typically a combination of both. You just have to want it more than anything else. I didn't want that for a long time. I actually told my wife (now ex) that I wanted to continue getting high more than I wanted to be with her. If there were one statement I've ever made in my life I could take back, that would be it. But the sad thing is, at that point it was true. And I got my wish. It's not my wish anymore.

I guess my point is much the same as others have mentioned, it's not just about wanting it, it's about taking the necessary to succeed with it. If that's not AA, that's cool, but you need to take action to achieve your goal. Be willing to stick with whatever you choose until it works.

Pretty much all methods of recovery are based around one concept, don't drink, no matter what. How you deal with the feelings and emotions that come from that simple concept are where the many recovery programs differ. AA feels it's a spiritual problem with a spiritual solution. SMART looks at it more medically based and tries to help combat urges with logic and reason. Theripists often use a mix of both or other methods. But at the end of the day it really that 2 step process. 1) Don't drink. 2) Repeat step one.

I hope you find what you are looking for here. It is a great place with many diverse ideas and opinions. Some folks can get a bet "zealous" with their advice at times, but they do mean well. For the most part, this is where I found my "recovery". It's an ongoing process, but at least I don't just feel like I'm uselessly spinning my wheels, stuck forever in the same place. Take care.

I was intrigued by Sugah's question ("What do you see yourself receiving from drinking?"), so I decided to post while (more) intoxicated. I'm drunk now. I'm not happy, I don't feel good. I'm bored and irritated, and I'm still very aware of how absolutely ruined my life is. I have no job, I have no driver's license, there are warrants for my arrest, I have alienated those I love, I'm in debt, my credit is ****, I'm unemployed and my job prospects are nil. The thing is, right now, none of that bothers me that much. **** it. THIS is why I drink. It lets me not care. Sobriety means caring about the state of my affairs, and I just can't deal with it.

Drinking lets me not care about the problems that drinking caused. If I stop, all this **** will overwhelm me. I don't even know where to begin to get out of it. I've been fired, my condo is being foreclosed on, I have no driver's license, I have warrants for my arrest, I owe a ton of money, I have no credit, I have no friends my family is disappointed. I don't even know where to begin. It's just easier to get drunk and not worry about it all. Have any of you been through this? Can my life be fixed, or is it hopeless?

LadySlur,

I believe your life can be changed for the better. It won't be easy but with the proper support you can dig yourself out. But, first things first. The drinking has to stop. It's holding you in an ugly place.

Read through the posts around here. They're full of miracles. I believe there's a miracle waiting for you. It may be AA, SMART, Rational Recovery or whatever but there is hope.

My very best positive thoughts for you.

Love,

Lenina

Hi Lady, You are definately welcome here. I found out that drinking truly was just a symptom of a more serious problem. But when drinking the possibility of healing or uncovering the causes were zero percent. It takes some time and a period of detox is required in addition to physically healing 12-24 months.

As far as literature I would suggest reading Living Sober. It is simple tricks how not to take that first drink.

Thanks for sharing you struggles.

I, as well as many others here, have been where you are now. I only want to point one thing out about your statement. Your problems were not caused by alcohol. They were caused by you, while drinking alcohol. Big difference. Many of us have been where you are, and it is overwhelming, but drinking makes it no less overwhelming, it just numbs you to the feeling, while continuing to let the problems pile up.

I was in many of the same situations you describe. I was convinced I just could not live without my drugs, they allowed me to "cope with the world" However, I found when I stopped the drugs, things really sucked, but once I made it through a few months, they started getting better. I started finding my way out of whay once seemed impossible situations. Some of this was, perhaps luck, but I also thing that drugs and alcohol cloud your mind and make you not see solutions that may be right in front of you. It's not easy, it doesn't happen overnight, but I think just about anyone on this site with more than 6 months of sobriety would agree with this statement. With all of the differing opinions on this site, that is a pretty broad statement, but I stand by it. You're not necessarily "cured" in that time, but you will see the progress you are not seeing now. Take care.

I can only agree with Tyler LadySlur...
Many of us drank to try and escape our problems - and big problem like yours.

Never worked - the problems are still there - we just sidestep the issue by drinking ourselves into unconsciousness.

The only way to deal with problems is to actually deal with them - and the only way to be capable of doing that is to stop drinking.

D

Where I live in Ventura County there is an Alcohol and Drug Program that has IOP and counseling free for those that qualify...meaning for those with out money to pay. Maybe they have that where you live.