NEOMARXIST

This is what's troubling me at the moment. I don't know how to progress my life on a social level as I am conscious of that first drink and so I am warey of going to any places where booze is served but then how am I supposed to improve my social life? This is whats troubling me at the moment. I have nearly 6 motnhs sober but sometimes I think anyone could if they just locked themselves away? It feels like I should be having the time of my life or something at my age but I ain't. I am having to stay away from that first drink at all costs and it's just becoming a bind.

I don't know what to do? I think it's the age thing which is just doing my head in, If there were people my age in AA then great, but also I'm not sure I just want to be hanging with recovering alkies.

Sorry to post negatively but this is where I'm at and I need some inspiration or something. At least I am not drinking but I am starting to grow tired of the lack of any buzz or stuff to look forward to. I guess I am just bored but suggestions that I get just don't really hit it. My passion is music but I can't really do that as it's all so closely linked to booze and I am petrified of that first drink.

Maybe I just need to learn to control my drinking, things would be so much easier for me that way. It's easy for people in AA to say how great it is that I'm getting sober young but it's just causing me to get depressed again. I ain't sure I want what those people have... Seems to be growing old before my time. I was driving earlier and I weaved in and out of the traffic and I just got that bit of spark back and I felt 'young' again. That magic sparkle was there, being rebellious.

Sorry it's quite negative but I need some help or something. I am just getting low and depressed, bored and I am too shy/scared of the first drink to be able to go and meet anyone. I don't know what to do.

coffeenut

You've been sober 6 months...which is great. I'm wondering why you still aren't celebrating it?! What a fantastic accomplishment! What are you doing to maintain your sobriety?

You've also mentioned depression in a couple of your posts. Can you see a doctor...tell them what is going on?

NEOMARXIST

Are all my thoughts a result of Euphoric Recall? How do I know?

Seems like everything I do has to be 'thought' about and justified... Do most normal people think about what they are doing and their actions all the time? Is all of this just a load of brainwashing? Feels like it at times...

Life, although i have it relativley good compared to many, just seems like one big battle going on in my mind... I never really get or do anything but in my mind it's a battleground as I'm analysing everything. I sometimes wish that I just didn't give a F*ck about anything and did what I wanted to at least give me some 'release'. I don't think working the steps is gonna give me what I want and I am worried that they could make me worse.

It just don't feel right to me and I don't like the idea of having such trust in a person I know nothing about.

I am trying to get through my 'depression' or whatever without the doctor tbh. I went a few years ago and was just put on SSRI's, I don't want to be taking any pills. I think much of it is boredom though I certainly don't Love myself either, in fact far from it. I am still very shy and insecure around people. Kind of a catch 22 situation really, just getting me down at the moment.

I still struggle with the celebration thing also, I struggle to really see a celebration/party without any of the excitement to look forward to of the thrill of the drinking. I did love looking forward to things but it seems that I ain't got nothing to look forward to in the same way I used to look forward to in the past, even if it was just getting wrecked on my own, I would look forward to it.

Sure in sobriety I have gotten a steady job, a car, my driving license back, self-respect, respect of family but I still don't have ANY friends and it's really hard at times. I still think of myself as a drinker/partier but without the drink or drugs. I'm not sure I wanna be a 12 stepper at 24 tbh. Is this my alclholism talking or is it just the rational thoughts of a 24 year old who still lives at home, has no girlfriend, no friends and the only company he can get for 1.5 hours is with the same group of alclholics who are 20+years older and who ain;t really got nothing in common with?

I don't like whinging tbh but if it stops me from drinking again then it was worth typing it out. Maybe someone else will relate? I dunno.

55438

((Neomarxist))

First - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Second - your posts are so full of pain. I am sorry you feel so full of dispair and overwhelmed by the battlefield of your mind. I am there sometimes too. Please go see a Dr./therapist. Mine helps me sort through that overanalysing mind of mine, there is someone out there that could help you.

Third - age is just age. Most of my friends drink too. I don't have to. Find the sober folks, they are out there at any age.

Fourth - thank you for your posts. The rawness of your words touches something very basic in me. I relate to what you are going through. You are not alone.

55438

Stereosteveo

I don't know if you can or can't control your drinking. I could not. That meant I could cross out about 90% of the things I "really" wanted to do in life and put in "acquiring alcohol, drinking alcohol, and being hungover" instead. Yeah, it took a LOT of my time!

I've been where you seem to be many times. I had to keep trying to control it. Normal drinkers don't try to control it.

As far as the social scene. Here's what an old guy told me once: "Approach the world like an open book. Don't hide anything. Say things most people would be embarrased to say. People will loosen up quickly around you, and respect you for being real"

What's hard for me is being genuinely and sincerely interested in other people. When I start feeling weird and uncomfortable, it's because I'm all into me again, and not into them...I can be with me when I get back home.

You don't have to entertain, just be an observer and be there to listen. People will be happy just to have you around.

Maybe that helps a little.

Maybe try some different meetings?
A gratitude list?

yeahgr8

Neo have you done all the steps?

Sober25

Neomarxist, your post reminded me of me after being sober for 14 months. I got to the point where I felt like I should have more and I felt like sobriety was not everything I thought it would be (and should be). What happened as a result of that thinking? I got drunk. It was horrible. All that hell came back immediately and there was a part of me that wanted to give up and die. I blew 14 months of sobriety and it terrified me.

It sounds like a lack of gratitude. That's not a criticism, just an observation. Think about it, if your old life was so great then why did you choose to get sober? I wish you all the best. Hang in there.

NEOMARXIST

Thanks Sober25, reading that just hit me and briefly snapped me out of myself for a second.

You're right my gratitude has slipped to an absolute minimum, in fact I don't have any today. I am becoming expremely resentfull of myself again.

Thanks 55438. (really need the "thanks" button back again to thank everyone)

In regards to the controlling of drinking, I never really tried Tbh as I cannot really comprehend controlled drinking. I only ever drank untill blackout. I suspect it's very unlikely I would stop but then i think well I aint the only one like that but then the fear of what I might do in blackout comes in again. My minds just a battleground today and having Xmas, NYE is just compounding everything I am feeling. I ain't gonna drink, back at work tommorrow anyway, but I don't want to go through this mental anguish again of knowing my peers are all out parting and happy and I'm stuck in my house alone and continually obsessed by 'recovery'. It's become as big an obsession (if not worse) than drinking was. Feel like I'm gonna explode at times. What I find keeps me same at times is entertaining the thought that I may be able to drink and drug in the future but just not for today.

Dari

I'm only two weeks sober so I may not be the best person to offer advice, so I'll only tell you what I did last week when I had to go to an 'event'. (Yeah, quit drinking right before the holidays, great idea, Dari!) I tricked my head into thinking that I could do whatever I wanted at this party, because it was the 'Oh noooo, can't drink, can't have fuuuun, what's the point?' voice that was making me miserable BEFORE I even stepped out the door. When I got there, I immediately got a full sugar Coke, which I don't usually drink, then I told my head that hey, a substance is a substance. Alchohol is only a substance, and this sugar and caffeine is another. I had several Cokes and got a sugar buzz, and after a while, I actually FORGOT I wasn't drinking and was able to socialize. I know all the dentists and dietitions are probably screaming, but hey, a little sugar and caffeine is a lot better than waking up the next day with my tongue pasted to the roof of my mouth, hating myself and unable to get out of bed. That's another little game I played that night, when the thought of drinking threatened---'Tomorrow morning will come whether I drink or not. This moment is not all encompassing.'

But I can relate. That 'what's the point, this is boring' voice is what I've had to fight the most. And I can imagine it gets exhausting having to still play the psychological games and over think everything after six months.

WakeUp

Neo,
What is your purpose in life? You said music is your passion, but what do you want to do for a living? Do you go to university or graduate from college? Try redirecting your energies elsewhere, there are lots of young people who work for political action groups, environmental groups, all kinds of things. Oh, and since it's just us here, have you ever thought about coming to the other side of the pond (USA) and starting a new life? I know you mentioned the drinking culture in the UK is very active.

About friends. Find REAL friends. People who sit on a bar stool all day aren't real friends. Go for quality people.

Just some thoughts.

NEOMARXIST

Thanks Wakeup.

I have actually applied for University's for next Sept/Oct and will be getting the outcomes of the applications in the New year. One of my big regrets is dropping out of University as a result of depression/not seeing the point/wanting to pursue my music/drinking.

Sobriety gave me a new lease of life TBH. I got a job, I got a car (after 2 year driving ban), and I gained the desire to want to go back to University. MY masterplan was/still is to go to University next Oct and spend this coming year saving up my wages for tuition fees/costs. I plan to continue working part-time thereafter.

I was feeling really good about all of this and I know that if I stay sober I will be successful. But it's this planning ahead that causes me conflict at times, I used to love the thrill of just living in the moment and getting blasted without giving a f*ck about anything or anyone and at times that 24 (yes B'day today) part of my mind tells me that I'm growing up too quick and getting too mature and that stupid, rebellious part of me has been killed off. Also it's difficult when people ask me what I'm doing at weekends etc and I have No friends. Also I think I miss companionship and I think that is whats lacking in my life also.

I know if I was to drink i would be throwing away everything I have built up over the last 6 months. That makes my anxiety even worse when thoughts of drinking come into my mind. I knew this time of year was gonna be hard and my plan was to get my head down and just get through it sober, so I guess I have ahcieved it, but it's been a battleground in my mind! LOL

littlefish

Well, I am more than twice your age and I too am wrestling with the social questions. I have friends that I see occasionally, but generally, I have been avoiding events with them because I don't want to meet them in restaurants or bars. I balk at ordering mineral water in their presence when they have always seen me order wine. I am nervous about "coming out" with one or two of them, because they would not keep it a secret and everyone would soon know. I have thought about that issue too, and wonder if "coming out" would ultimately be the best solution of all?
I have made some fantastic new friends in AA yet I find that I keep them separate. This feels strange, too.

There are people your age, and in my area they hang around in YPAA. There is a disco right after their short meeting and if it is any consolation, I felt extremely old and over the hill at that meeting. ha...


Well, I never met any friend in a bar. Even when I drank, I met friends in other places. Is it really your sobriety that is an obstacle to socializing? People, of all ages, including my own, are out there doing things from morning to night with hardly time left over at the end of the day. And, those activities bring them in contact with others, and, are based on what their personal interests are.

I know I could be a lot more socially active, if I chose to be. I would have to go out more, reach out more, get more involved in pursuing my interests. Maybe you could start with looking at what your interests are, and go from there.

NEOMARXIST

Since writing this thread and reading the responses I am feeling a little better and it's quitened my thinking down somewhat.

I have to stop using the age as a negative thing and try to look at it as a positive!! I think the UK is different apparently to other countries in that there are very few late teens/early twenties in AA with any lasting sobriety. UK's drinking culture is way too engrained within people for people of my age to be willing to give it up, because that involves giving up the pubs/clubs/parties/raves/festivals etcetc aint it just ain't gonna happen, but then i suppose most of those people aren't alclholics are they?

One day at a time, keeping sober.

Tazman53

NEOMARXIST I too want to thank you for being very frank with how you are feeling right now.

I have a really poor memory (Wonder why? LOL), but I know there are several very big names in the music industry who are recovering alcoholics, they still are in the game and doing very well.

I saw Jagger interviewed one time (I do not know if he is in a recoevry program or not), he stated in the interview that he had not "Partied" in a long time because he could not do what he does if he still drugged and drank the way he used to.

I do not recall where you live but there are in most larger cities AA meetings filled with young people, as small as Fredericksburg is there are a number of young peoples meetings every week.

Now I will ask the biggie..... Do you have a sponsor and more importantly are you taking the steps with him?

Almost every thing I avoided in early sobriety I do today thanks to me taking the steps with my sponsor and applying the steps daily to all areas of my life. You see thanks to the steps and my HP the obsession to drink has been lifted for me.

I go to wedding receptions, company picnics, concerts, etc. and there is drinking going on, but I could care less. I have actually found that every place I go to where there is drinking going on, at least half of the people either do not drink at all or only have one, maybe 2.

What type of music are you into? I would be willing to bet that you could find a group of musicians that get together to play and enjoy thier music and not getting hammered in the process.

BTW most Universities have AA meetings right on campus.

I found that for me, once the obsession to drink was lifted that life began anew for me.

jamdls

Neo, happy birthday! and congratulations on your continued sobriety! I think one of the best things you can do for yourself is what you are doing right here, getting out your feelings/fears/anger etc... especially since you are opposed to therapy. I presume it didn't take you just 6 months to develop your your drinking problem so don't expect to have everything figured out so quickly. I know patience is difficult. I admire you tremendously for even recognizing that you have a problem at such a young age. Have you tried searching out althletic activities? maybe a bike riding group or hiking, tennis...? something that is not primarily focused on drinking. Stay strong.

mmeat

Hi there NEO.... I'm going to follow along the lines of WakeUp on this one. DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!!!!!!! Dude. You're young. You have the world at your doorstep. Open your door and get out there.

I work with alot of young fellas who have so much free time on their hands...always complain about being bored...stay up late playing video games...etc.etc. Damn you young guys...lol. You have opportunities to do things that us old married guys( lol 32) with families can only dream of!!!!!

For the love of god............just do something different. Join the airforce.......take up parachuting.....move to Barbados and work for a nice resort. Get your pilots liscence.....move to New York.....ANYTHING! Life is waiting dude.

Freeport

Some wonderful posts here. Thank you for your candor, Neo, and for all the great responses. I'm closing in on 8 months and it's still difficult, but I haven't abandoned my old life. That would be impossible. Over the holidays, I've been around friends and family who are drinking, and in a small way, I pity them. Their contributions to conversation and all-around aura deteriorates once they start drinking. I'm glad I'm sober for that reason.
Neo, you're doing great, and I don't know all the details of your life. But it seems to me you've simply got to get active. Start working out more in a gym, or train for a marathon. Buy a Eurail pass and explore the Continent. Hell, work more. Start earning and saving more cash and get your own place. Volunteer. I'd love to be 15 years younger and have six months of clear, sober vision under my belt to tackle the world all over again. Celebrate your sobriety by living life to the fullest. Bars and taverns might seem enticing, but there's no living going on there.
The drinking culture in the UK definitely is intense, and I like the motion that you cross the pond. But I've found that wherever I go, one can easily find alcohol. Ignoring it comes from inside us, wherever we stand.

yeahgr8

Sorry but this is getting a bit nuts now and terrible advice/opinions are being chucked out there IMO! If he is an alcoholic getting a new career or hobby isn't going to help in the slightest?! Where is this going...take up scuba diving, is that where i went wrong for 20 yeears?! The things he is talking about has nothing to do with age whatsoever, he would feel the same way if he was 23 or 33 or 43 etc. because alcoholics do not mature emotionally whilst in active addiction or periods of being dry...i have had the same conversation in the last few months with people in AA that have not worked the step ranging from anything from 1 week to 4 years without drinking, still talking about the same old things, doing the same old things over and over and over again, starting a new hobby, relationship, job, getting a new place etcetc and always why me, it's not fair, maybe i could have controlled it if i had tried harder...anyways i'll let you guys get on with it, good luck:-)

mmeat

I respect that yeahgr8.....I'm just saying if I was in his position and being a young fella, I think doing those things would help me immensely. For myself, I know for sure alot of my drinking was a result of responsibilities, plus boredom with the same ole same ole added in.
Cheers

WakeUp

I was just looking around, there is an organization based in the UK called Across The Divide. They have hiking, biking, walks across the English countryside for charity, dog sledding, marathons.
That's a great way to meet good people and get involved with activities with purpose.

I'm with mmeat, life's waiting Neo!