Newbie looking for support
 

Damn this is tough alone - cant sort out my motives - divorce final next month - trying to stay sober (from prescription ADHD meds and coke) have to gain weight - I am a professional and my job is not going well to say the least - cant hold onto any $$. Finally trying to face up to what I did to my marriage - I am the bad person that all the codependency literature says run from.

Posted this as well in possibly the wrong thread a little while ago:

Finally, finally struck me after 5+ years of using that I HAD to get sober and get my life back together - too late to save my marriage and family - the divorce will be final in February. We separated over 5 years ago but stayed in close contact and still spend a lot of time together with our young son. She tells me that her codependency kept her from leaving completely long ago - she has a new circle of friends that I am not a part of - in fact they hate me and have been screaming at her to rid herself completely of me.

Starting reading about addiction and copendency after I decided I had to act on 12/24. Everything written from her perspective says to cut contact with me and I know in her heart that this is what she wants - and has been inching towards - I read that people like me are manupulative, life suckers, users and liers. ugh - just ugh I told her I need the book on chemotheraphy written from the perspective of the cancer.

I need help to recover and she is my only friend and I am terrified of life with no contact with her........yet this is what she desires.

I dont know what to do - ask for her support or try this alone and afraid and possibly doomed to failure.

any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I want to be a nice guy again someday -

You are not alone. Please know there is support here.

I have never in my life, felt more alone, than when I stopped drinking.

We all understand what you're going through. Guilt and shame are a huge part of addiction and in early recovery, it's necessary to feel all the emotions that you've been running away from, and it's hard.

Your wife has found support that she needs and you need to do the same. There are lots of people here who know how difficult it is, so keep reading and posting.

I have become a truely awful person - not a single facet of my life is working right now - not a F*&^ng thing

Getting sober is the first step in making your life livable for everyone....you....your family.

You really can be a nice guy again...right now, you need to focus on you and getting sober....Welcome to SR. Lots of good reading here. I hope you stay and post.

If you allow the guilt and shame to overwhelm you, you can get caught up in the cycle of returning to alcohol to help get away from those feelings. Try to focus on staying in the moment, and staying sober, and you can get through this.

Welcome to SR! You'll find a lot of support and information here. You are not alone and we do recovery. Read the stickies and posts of others. Great people here!

Love,

Lenina

Hi niceguy

I don;t think you're a truly awful person. Truly awful people don't express remorse.

You're an addict - you made some mistakes and, if you're like me, treated some people that you loved sometimes pretty badly.

I bet you weren't always like that.I wasn't.

You can rebuild - but just focus on yourself for now. Rebuild your life from the ground up - try your best to be who you want to be...then start working on the amends.

You'll find a lot of support and experience here :)

Welcome to SR :)
D