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Lionheart I have enjoyed this thread, your question on staying in the day was imho well answered.
You spoke of labeling, you spoke of the freedoom you felt when you came out, for me it was a freeing experience when I finally fully accepted that I am an alcoholic. You see no problem one has can ever be fully resolved until we (imho) are able to admit/label the problem.
For many years I was labeled a DRUNK! I was nick named behind my back "The one armed man" because no one in my neighborhood ever saw me without a beer in my hand. I used to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and what was staring back at me was a DRUNK, I knew it and everyone I thought I was fooling knew it as well.
Today I label myself a "Recovering Alcoholic", those who know me outside of AA who did not know me as a drunk a little over 3 years ago label me a father, a grandfather, a coworker, a good neighbor, & a useful part of society, unless I choose to let them know, they would never know I am a "Recovering Alcoholic".
Those who did know me as a DRUNK today label me a "Recovering Alcoholic" & also label me a father, a grandfather, a coworker, a good neighbor, & a useful part of society.
In order for me to STAY sober, which is far harder in the early stages I had to label myself what I am, first of all I am an alcoholic, second of all I am a "Recovering Alcoholic". I admitted I had a problem, that problem is "Alcoholism".
I really prefer that no one labels me a DRUNK today, some know me as a "Recovering Alcoholic", but most know me as Martin, a pretty decent guy. I had to label myself for what I was, then I began the path to freedom from my alcoholism.
Glad to hear you are going to AA, AA is one place where we are truly FREE to be who we are!
You spoke of labeling, you spoke of the freedoom you felt when you came out, for me it was a freeing experience when I finally fully accepted that I am an alcoholic. You see no problem one has can ever be fully resolved until we (imho) are able to admit/label the problem.
For many years I was labeled a DRUNK! I was nick named behind my back "The one armed man" because no one in my neighborhood ever saw me without a beer in my hand. I used to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and what was staring back at me was a DRUNK, I knew it and everyone I thought I was fooling knew it as well.
Today I label myself a "Recovering Alcoholic", those who know me outside of AA who did not know me as a drunk a little over 3 years ago label me a father, a grandfather, a coworker, a good neighbor, & a useful part of society, unless I choose to let them know, they would never know I am a "Recovering Alcoholic".
Those who did know me as a DRUNK today label me a "Recovering Alcoholic" & also label me a father, a grandfather, a coworker, a good neighbor, & a useful part of society.
In order for me to STAY sober, which is far harder in the early stages I had to label myself what I am, first of all I am an alcoholic, second of all I am a "Recovering Alcoholic". I admitted I had a problem, that problem is "Alcoholism".
I really prefer that no one labels me a DRUNK today, some know me as a "Recovering Alcoholic", but most know me as Martin, a pretty decent guy. I had to label myself for what I was, then I began the path to freedom from my alcoholism.
Glad to hear you are going to AA, AA is one place where we are truly FREE to be who we are!
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
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I have been to a few meetings and I am going to another 2 this week - the more I hear the similarities, the more I realise I know the answer - for me, now, its about accepting that, surrendering to it...its hard to let go of control - something I have struggled with for most of my life outside of all of this.
I got up today and did the lawns - I loath doing that, I really do but I am doing things that i dont normally to try and change things up, see them from a sober point of view - I still dont like doing it but I realised its not as bad as I thought it was. Now, I do realise how simple this is - but its about what you are saying - Ive gotta change what is inside - for me, its about changing the way I think.
I am starting to see things from a different perspective and while that addict voice is still hounding me, I can also see the changes and I like those changes so am doing what I can to try and make sure I have everthing I need to not pick up that drink!
I got up today and did the lawns - I loath doing that, I really do but I am doing things that i dont normally to try and change things up, see them from a sober point of view - I still dont like doing it but I realised its not as bad as I thought it was. Now, I do realise how simple this is - but its about what you are saying - Ive gotta change what is inside - for me, its about changing the way I think.
I am starting to see things from a different perspective and while that addict voice is still hounding me, I can also see the changes and I like those changes so am doing what I can to try and make sure I have everthing I need to not pick up that drink!
the more I hear the similarities, the more I realise I know the answer - for me, now, its about accepting that, surrendering to it...its hard to let go of control - something I have struggled with for most of my life outside of all of this
Now, I do realise how simple this is - but its about what you are saying - Ive gotta change what is inside - for me, its about changing the way I think.
I am starting to see things from a different perspective and while that addict voice is still hounding me, I can also see the changes and I like those changes so am doing what I can to try and make sure I have everthing I need to not pick up that drink!
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Buzz-free Zone
Posts: 1,372
For me, after the physical desire to pick up a drink had passed, the mental obsession was always there, just waiting to pounce on any insignificant thing to "justify" why I needed a drink because...only one won't hurt...I don't need a meeting today...blah blah blah (more appropriately known as 'stinkin' thinkin').
I've learned how to 'fire the committee in my head' during these times and more importantly, "how to LIVE sober." Just because we put the drink down does not mean that life gets easier - if anything, it's quite the opposite.
My recent bout with skin cancer proved just that. I had every so-called 'alibi' in the book to drink but had to use all of the tools at my disposal to not justify it.
For me, keeping in f2f (face-to-face) contact with people who've been through what I was experiencing, staying connected to awesome forums such as SR and reading (!) helped me alot.
I recommend the book "Living Sober" - (quite fitting). It's an AA approved book and talks in plain language why we feel the way we do in early sobriety and has 'suggestions' on how to manage it.
(BTW, I didn't just read AA books or go to just AA meetings - there's lots of other support out there too). Seek and you shall find...all the best to you, Lionheart ~
Bee
I've learned how to 'fire the committee in my head' during these times and more importantly, "how to LIVE sober." Just because we put the drink down does not mean that life gets easier - if anything, it's quite the opposite.
My recent bout with skin cancer proved just that. I had every so-called 'alibi' in the book to drink but had to use all of the tools at my disposal to not justify it.
For me, keeping in f2f (face-to-face) contact with people who've been through what I was experiencing, staying connected to awesome forums such as SR and reading (!) helped me alot.
I recommend the book "Living Sober" - (quite fitting). It's an AA approved book and talks in plain language why we feel the way we do in early sobriety and has 'suggestions' on how to manage it.
(BTW, I didn't just read AA books or go to just AA meetings - there's lots of other support out there too). Seek and you shall find...all the best to you, Lionheart ~
Bee
20/12/09
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
Hey Taz
Thank you, for taking the time to read my post and also to respond with very useful thoughts/opinions etc.
Thank you for sharing your story, of the labels you had, others had and what you see it like today, it really does help.
Its funny, to me, that you say its not easy and the first thing that springs to mind is "life isnt easy, its never meant to be easy". I have heard that saying for years and always fought it but whoever said it has a point. We have to work hard on what we want to achieve in anything - I truly believe that.
I might look into a temp sponsor. I one phone number from my first meeting so I guess thats a start. Also need to get over the face to face question feeling silly - its alot easier on here, no one can see you.
Thank you, for taking the time to read my post and also to respond with very useful thoughts/opinions etc.
Thank you for sharing your story, of the labels you had, others had and what you see it like today, it really does help.
Its funny, to me, that you say its not easy and the first thing that springs to mind is "life isnt easy, its never meant to be easy". I have heard that saying for years and always fought it but whoever said it has a point. We have to work hard on what we want to achieve in anything - I truly believe that.
I might look into a temp sponsor. I one phone number from my first meeting so I guess thats a start. Also need to get over the face to face question feeling silly - its alot easier on here, no one can see you.
20/12/09
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
Originally Posted by HumbleBee 
For me, after the physical desire to pick up a drink had passed, the mental obsession was always there, just waiting to pounce on any insignificant thing to "justify" why I needed a drink because...only one won't hurt...I don't need a meeting today...blah blah blah (more appropriately known as 'stinkin' thinkin').
I've learned how to 'fire the committee in my head' during these times and more importantly, "how to LIVE sober." Just because we put the drink down does not mean that life gets easier - if anything, it's quite the opposite.
My recent bout with skin cancer proved just that. I had every so-called 'alibi' in the book to drink but had to use all of the tools at my disposal to not justify it.
For me, keeping in f2f (face-to-face) contact with people who've been through what I was experiencing, staying connected to awesome forums such as SR and reading (!) helped me alot.
I recommend the book "Living Sober" - (quite fitting). It's an AA approved book and talks in plain language why we feel the way we do in early sobriety and has 'suggestions' on how to manage it.
(BTW, I didn't just read AA books or go to just AA meetings - there's lots of other support out there too). Seek and you shall find...all the best to you, Lionheart ~
Bee
I've learned how to 'fire the committee in my head' during these times and more importantly, "how to LIVE sober." Just because we put the drink down does not mean that life gets easier - if anything, it's quite the opposite.
My recent bout with skin cancer proved just that. I had every so-called 'alibi' in the book to drink but had to use all of the tools at my disposal to not justify it.
For me, keeping in f2f (face-to-face) contact with people who've been through what I was experiencing, staying connected to awesome forums such as SR and reading (!) helped me alot.
I recommend the book "Living Sober" - (quite fitting). It's an AA approved book and talks in plain language why we feel the way we do in early sobriety and has 'suggestions' on how to manage it.
(BTW, I didn't just read AA books or go to just AA meetings - there's lots of other support out there too). Seek and you shall find...all the best to you, Lionheart ~
Bee
Someone else talked about having so much more time - I never knew there were so many hours in a day to do things, Ive never had that much time to do the things I really want to do, oh AND remember them, its great!
Bee - I am a seeker and I have started looking at all the possibilities out there to help me. I dont like boxes or being put into them, which isnt always a good thing so sticking to just one thing, may not be for me, maybe it will, guess time will tell. I have looked at SMART today and checking that out more too, especially since it looks into the psych stuff..
Thanks for your thoughts.
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Great posts Tazman53.
keep it up Lionheart, you sound like you are on the right tracks!!
All the best. xxx
PS- Interesting topic about labels. One of the hardest things about me remaining sober is that label of being a 'sober' person. I used to like the perceived label I had created in my mind about being a wild-man and someone who lived life literally on the edge. This was developed through my Love of music and my idols, all of whom were heavy drinker/druggers/partiers and most died young through OD. I am having to come to terms with the label of mr sober, but I know it's all pretty much in my head. But 'recovery' and everything it entails is the opposite of the lifestyle/philosophies I used to have so it takes some getting used to an I find myself in grieving over the past lifestyle that I had, especially when I listen to certain bands that I always used to get wrecked to or think about memories of past holidays, night-out or even nights alone where I was just living that rock n' roll existance that I perceived in my own mind.
I find it very difficult to really find many who understand what I mean by that as the ones that do/did are still out there drinking/drugging/patying. That is what I find so hard. One day at a time though and I'm sure it's partly the addictive voice at work, at the end of the day I remember waking up in a police cell last year thinking WTF, I would take boring over this madness, so it's very easy to forget where we came from when it's been nearly 6 motnhs, but when I actually stop to think it through then I remain sober one day at a time.
Peace.
keep it up Lionheart, you sound like you are on the right tracks!!
All the best. xxx
PS- Interesting topic about labels. One of the hardest things about me remaining sober is that label of being a 'sober' person. I used to like the perceived label I had created in my mind about being a wild-man and someone who lived life literally on the edge. This was developed through my Love of music and my idols, all of whom were heavy drinker/druggers/partiers and most died young through OD. I am having to come to terms with the label of mr sober, but I know it's all pretty much in my head. But 'recovery' and everything it entails is the opposite of the lifestyle/philosophies I used to have so it takes some getting used to an I find myself in grieving over the past lifestyle that I had, especially when I listen to certain bands that I always used to get wrecked to or think about memories of past holidays, night-out or even nights alone where I was just living that rock n' roll existance that I perceived in my own mind.
I find it very difficult to really find many who understand what I mean by that as the ones that do/did are still out there drinking/drugging/patying. That is what I find so hard. One day at a time though and I'm sure it's partly the addictive voice at work, at the end of the day I remember waking up in a police cell last year thinking WTF, I would take boring over this madness, so it's very easy to forget where we came from when it's been nearly 6 motnhs, but when I actually stop to think it through then I remain sober one day at a time.
Peace.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
NEOMARXIST next time you are bored really think about it...... are you really bored or are you experiencing peace & serenity?
It took me some time to be able to be alone and realize that I was not really bored, I was actually comfortable and at peace. This was after my drinking obsession was lifted though, when I was drinking or before I had taken the steps, being alone did equal boredom & what better way (I thought) to releive boredom then to drink!!!
It took me some time to be able to be alone and realize that I was not really bored, I was actually comfortable and at peace. This was after my drinking obsession was lifted though, when I was drinking or before I had taken the steps, being alone did equal boredom & what better way (I thought) to releive boredom then to drink!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by Sugah
Hi, lionheart. I'm not Dee (he's a one and only), but I'd like to add my two cents and answer your question -- at least in how I relate to it.
This morning, I've mapped out the next week -- two out-of-town trips for my husband, one for me, an adult child catching a flight home, a dinner reservation, not to mention the work I have to do to restructure a class I'm teaching starting January 6th. Lots of planning, so how do I stay in today?
When we talk about "one day at a time" or staying in the moment, it has more to do with our expectations attached to our plans -- expectations which bring with them all sorts of emotions. For example, if I start anticipating how I'm going to feel Wednesday when my oldest leaves, I'll miss another three full days of having him home. It's similar when dealing with past actions. Even though my head knows I can't change what's already happened, my heart will often try to convince me it's not true. Or I can romanticize a past time to the point that my heart wants to turn away from the reality of today -- and I miss what's in front of me.
I can plan, and I can remember, but I can only live right here, right now.
Does that make more sense?
Peace & Love,
Sugah
This morning, I've mapped out the next week -- two out-of-town trips for my husband, one for me, an adult child catching a flight home, a dinner reservation, not to mention the work I have to do to restructure a class I'm teaching starting January 6th. Lots of planning, so how do I stay in today?
When we talk about "one day at a time" or staying in the moment, it has more to do with our expectations attached to our plans -- expectations which bring with them all sorts of emotions. For example, if I start anticipating how I'm going to feel Wednesday when my oldest leaves, I'll miss another three full days of having him home. It's similar when dealing with past actions. Even though my head knows I can't change what's already happened, my heart will often try to convince me it's not true. Or I can romanticize a past time to the point that my heart wants to turn away from the reality of today -- and I miss what's in front of me.
I can plan, and I can remember, but I can only live right here, right now.
Does that make more sense?
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Your serenity shines here and thank you for letting me bask in the light.
Beth
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Thanks Tazman53. I hear what you're saying.
What I find very difficult is the feeling of being stationary in my life. I don't know how to progress to the next level of socialising with peers as everything revolves around drink so much, at least it always did for me. I alwasy feel a pull to want to be around the atmosphere etc at hyeart so I have to stay away from pubs/clubs. I cant even face joining a band as its all so closely related to drinking, for me anyway. I am hoping that this will pass though as I remain sober as I weren't feeling like this 10 days ago or so, I was embracing sobriety. I guess it's just the time of year and feeling like I should be having a 'good' time. I still struggle to see a 'good' time without the craic and calamity that booze ultimately brings. Giving up booze for me seems like losing a dear friend, even though I know it was destroying me, I still feel such sadness and memories can still haunt me if I let them. Utter madness really but thats how attached I became. I
I guess these feelings are perfectly normal though hence why I ain't seen a single person near my age in AA. But I am staying sober 'one day at a time'. I have actually took a bit of a break from AA for a while and just concentrating on SR as I can find AA becomes a little to cultish at times. I feel that people in there who always say call me at any time etcetc are not truly as sincere as they would like you to believe. I just needed a break from the same faces week in week out. I also struggle at times with sitting in a church on a Friday night at 23. I'll be back reviatlised in the new year but I just had to give it a little break.
Thanks for your reply anyway Taz, much appreciated.
What I find very difficult is the feeling of being stationary in my life. I don't know how to progress to the next level of socialising with peers as everything revolves around drink so much, at least it always did for me. I alwasy feel a pull to want to be around the atmosphere etc at hyeart so I have to stay away from pubs/clubs. I cant even face joining a band as its all so closely related to drinking, for me anyway. I am hoping that this will pass though as I remain sober as I weren't feeling like this 10 days ago or so, I was embracing sobriety. I guess it's just the time of year and feeling like I should be having a 'good' time. I still struggle to see a 'good' time without the craic and calamity that booze ultimately brings. Giving up booze for me seems like losing a dear friend, even though I know it was destroying me, I still feel such sadness and memories can still haunt me if I let them. Utter madness really but thats how attached I became. I
I guess these feelings are perfectly normal though hence why I ain't seen a single person near my age in AA. But I am staying sober 'one day at a time'. I have actually took a bit of a break from AA for a while and just concentrating on SR as I can find AA becomes a little to cultish at times. I feel that people in there who always say call me at any time etcetc are not truly as sincere as they would like you to believe. I just needed a break from the same faces week in week out. I also struggle at times with sitting in a church on a Friday night at 23. I'll be back reviatlised in the new year but I just had to give it a little break.
Thanks for your reply anyway Taz, much appreciated.
20/12/09
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 199
Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST
I also struggle at times with sitting in a church on a Friday night at 23.
If you are struggling with wanting to be in a band and that kind of thing, have you considered the church band? You mentioned that you struggle sitting in church which to me means you go...the church I go to is massive and its FULL of people your age and the band is the same and they ROCK. Anyway, just thought I would throw that out there..i know if I had a talent for an instrument I would want to be using it - good luck.
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