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Old 12-24-2009, 03:18 AM
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LKKPA
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Newbie

Hello everyone, I am brand new to this site and I hope that I can find some help and support here. I am 40 days clean. I quit cold turkey which suprisingly wasn't hard to do. No withdrawals etc., just made up my mind that I needed to quit drinking. My drinking was for the most part in secret. I was a true blue closet drinker. Therefore, I am recovering on my own with no one knowing what I am going through. I am not craving a drink at all, but what I am struggling with is it being the holidays and all. I feel very lonely as I don't want to go out and be with my friends. I never realized how many of my activities centered around drinking. None of my friends are problem drinkers, just normal social drinkers. Little did they know that I would drink prior to going out with them so they wouldn't realize what a tolerance level I had. I never got drunk, just drank enough as often as I could to stay in a continued buzz. Now that I quit drinking, I feel depressed and hopeless and that I will never be able to go out and have fun again and I have been isolating myself. I think of New Years, going to Vegas, going out to play pool, camping at the lake, and well...all of the things I used to do with alcohol. I know I am rambling, but wanted to share my feelings of being lost. I'm not sure how to be out with friends again. It's not that I am afraid to say that I decided not to drink anymore, I just don't know how to relax and have fun with out it. I have had no energy or desire to do anything in the last few weeks. The first 2 weeks were not bad, but it seems to be getting worse. Anyone have any suggestions or has anyone experienced similiar?? Thanks.......
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Old 12-24-2009, 03:24 AM
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Yep i totally relate to what you are going through, i go to AA, work the program, have new sober friends and now i don't feel like you do...seriously though i cannot recommend this enough...if i could show you myself in your exact same situation (different country and experiences aside) with exactly the same feelings and how I and things have changed you would be looking up meetings in your local area right now...

Merry xmas anyway:-)
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Old 12-24-2009, 03:43 AM
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welcome LK
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Old 12-24-2009, 04:29 AM
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hi LKKPA

yeah that was me too - I figured out all I was doing was just not drinking, and that just didn't cut for it for me. I had to make some real changes - some of those changes included friends, other changes included lifestyle, I had to look deep within myself and try and figure out why I was trying to do with my drinking.

It's hard to evaluate your existence and rebuild your life from the ground up. Thats why many people here use face to face support like AA or another recovery programme.

Stick around - real post - find something or someone who makes sense to you, and look into what they do.

I used to drink all day every day. The last 3 sober years have been the best of my life
SR helped me get there- hope we can help you too LKKPA

D
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Old 12-24-2009, 04:48 AM
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LKKPA
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Red face

Dee..
Great food for thought..."What was I trying to do or accomplish with my drinking??" Will ponder on that....never thought of it that way. Right off I would say to let loose and have fun...but I realize that others don't have to drink to have fun and what about the times when I drank alone at home in my bedroom...that obviously wasn't to "have fun"!! So I guess I would have to say it was a form of escape. Escape from what....??? Myself, life, circumstances, mistakes, rejections etc. But I realize that this escape was a never ending cycle because the more I drank the more I hated myself and my life, circumstances became worse, more mistakes made and rejections (real or imagined) more frequent. So...I guess I need to do the big girl thing and get real with myself and start doing the work of finding building a new life, make new friends and seek out the peace you all seem to have. Thanks for letting me process.....
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Old 12-24-2009, 04:50 AM
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Thats the way it started for me anyway LKKPA
It's good to have you with us

D
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Old 12-24-2009, 04:56 AM
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20/12/09
 
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Hi LKKPA

I am also new here, day 5 complete. This place is great, I admit that. People are great to bounce off and get ideas from.

Something I have noticed this week is that its not just about the physical drinking but the thoughts that go with it so can understand the feeling of loss with the activity. And the closer Christmas and NYE get, the harder it is to find lots of great things to do.

There are people out there though, that you can find who do understand and will show you other things..I have faith in that.

Take care and welcome
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Old 12-24-2009, 05:24 AM
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Welcome to SR and seasons greetings to you
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Old 12-24-2009, 07:13 AM
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I too found a new social circle of non drinking friends
vital to my progress into a productive life.
My AA friends and I did all sorts of interesting things.
We stayed sober and enjoyed it...

Well done on your sober time!
Hi again.......Welcome!
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Old 12-24-2009, 07:40 AM
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I am at 42 days today. I have been to 41 meetings and each day i learn more and more. AA was difficult for me because i tied it 10 years ago and the group was horrible. I went back 2 years ago and had a sponsor that would not leave me alone. I went back this time because like you, I drank by myself to a pass out, black out nightly. I had beers before visiting friends to have a buzz on, drank with them and went home and got obliterted nightly. I found a good group this time. I just came from my morning meeting and they are helping me stay sober this holiday season.

I am hosting a party for 20 tonight. My drunken Irish catholic family. I planned this long before joining AA so I could stay home and get smashed off my ass tonight. I won't do that now thanks to my support system in place. I wll wake up on Christmas for the first time in years and not be hungover or still drunk. My kids will have a Merry Christmas for once. I wish you well.
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Old 12-24-2009, 08:28 AM
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I could have started this thread. Was a daily closet drinker for 30 years. No one except my husband knew what a drunk I was.

Also, like you...didn't know how I could get through the holidays (or anything, for that matter) sober.

I've been sober for 1 1/2 years. Simply can NOT believe the things I can do now! I can drive after 5:00! I don't call people and wonder what in the hell I said. No more hang overs. But most of all, I'm finally proud of myself.

Still have a lot of work to do, but I am so much happier....and never thought I would/could say that.

Welcome to SR!
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Old 12-24-2009, 11:26 AM
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Welcome to SR! Sobriety rocks, even if it comes without the social events centered around drinking. Alcohol was my crutch to live without my feelings. Now I'm learning to 'feel' my feelings and accept them for what they are. And if sobriety means doing without the 'drinking events', it also means living without the alcohol-related risks and dangers - and it's worth it.
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Old 12-24-2009, 01:27 PM
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Welcome and Merry Christmas!!! Things will improve....I have more fun now then I ever did drinking and I can remember it all the next day!!
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Old 12-24-2009, 02:24 PM
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I know how you feel too. Its like I am just not content with just being normal or something. I dont have too long clean either. But I have had a few months before. It def does get better. I agree with everyone above. You have to do alot more than just set the drink down. IMO thats the easy part. Its what you do from there on out.
Try and find some sober networks f2f. Any ones you may be interested in.
Hang in there. It will get better. But it doesnt happen on its own.
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Old 12-25-2009, 03:04 AM
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Thanks everyone!! To Least...I can relate to what you said about not wanting to feel my feelings and that goes back to what Dee said earlier...find out what I was trying to accomplish with my drinking. Light bulb went off in my head tonight as I was around my family. That is a BIG one..I really don't like my family and find being around them is almost unbearable at times. But...I did it without drinking tonight!! It was one of those moments where I was feeling things that are uncomfortable and in the past I would drown them out with drinking. As far as AA...I went several times in the past....found a sponsor that also wouldn't leave me alone and I felt like I became her savior rather then her helping me!! Our meetings would always end up being about her! I had a group that I liked though and plan to start going again after Christmas. I live in a very small town and there are not many meetings to choose from and remaining anonymous is difficult. Anyway, another day without drinking. Some clarity gained. Will be glad when it is January 2nd!! Thanks for letting me share...(this does help!!)
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Old 12-25-2009, 03:47 AM
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I'm glad you made it through today LKKPA

Merry Christmas!
D
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