Do I have to start over?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 24
Do I have to start over?
Hi All-
This is my first post. I quit drinking on December 10th. Last night, I had two beers and a glass of wine. I slipped. I feel like crap for giving in. I went to a meeting this morning and I feel ready to be back on the horse. I am so discouraged though about the idea of being back to Day 1. Is this how people handle slips. Do you have to go back to day one and lose everything you had achieved? If so, I am super bummed out about that. I guess I think it was ok to slip because it has reinforced for me that I do not want to drink. I want to quit and stay quit. I am going to a meeting every day and intend to continue until it feels like I have some new skills to cope with stress rather than drinking. So, am I back at day one?
Thanks much.
This is my first post. I quit drinking on December 10th. Last night, I had two beers and a glass of wine. I slipped. I feel like crap for giving in. I went to a meeting this morning and I feel ready to be back on the horse. I am so discouraged though about the idea of being back to Day 1. Is this how people handle slips. Do you have to go back to day one and lose everything you had achieved? If so, I am super bummed out about that. I guess I think it was ok to slip because it has reinforced for me that I do not want to drink. I want to quit and stay quit. I am going to a meeting every day and intend to continue until it feels like I have some new skills to cope with stress rather than drinking. So, am I back at day one?
Thanks much.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Dakota, USA
Posts: 1,429
Sorry about your slip. It is unfortunate about what happened, but it sounds like you have learned from you mistake and are taking necessary steps to ensure it doesn't happen again. As for "starting over" who cares. Days are just numbers. It shouldn't matter what day you are on, but more how many days are in your future. If you want to get technical, yes you do need to start over. However, what day you are on is only for YOU and yourself.
Its time for bed
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Undisclosed Location
Posts: 343
Originally Posted by 2besober 
because it has reinforced for me that I do not want to drink. I want to quit and stay quit. I am going to a meeting every day and intend to continue until it feels like I have some new skills to cope with stress rather than drinking. So, am I back at day one?
To ask you a question: What are you going to do to prevent two beers and a glass of wine from slipping out of your hands and down into you throat again?
You can bet that every one of us did not stop the first time we tried to quit. I didn't. By the looks of what you wrote, it sounds like drinking is still not all that great if it reinforces your resolve to quit and stay quit.
I'd take a new look at how you feel today. Write down the reasons why alcohol has no future in your life and look at your reasons when you feel like drinking again when you feel better and less guilty.
Whatever you do... don't drink the guilt away today. THAT will erase all the progress you made over the past weeks.
KEEP QUITTING!
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
I kept a journel every day the first 2 years in recovery to keep track of my progress.
You didn't lose everything if, you felt bad over drinking again.
You've only failed when, you stop trying
You didn't lose everything if, you felt bad over drinking again.
You've only failed when, you stop trying
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
My thinking for me is that if I "ok" picking up, it will just be ok the next time. Just keep going and don't knock yourself too hard. As c49999 said, we've all had starts like that. We grow as we learn and it's progress NOT perfection. 
Not all better, getting better
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Beautiful Inner Banks of NC
Posts: 1,702
You are definately not "losing everything you have achieved". As others have said, you did achieve almost 2 weeks of sobriety, that is an accomplishment that nobody can take away.
For myself personally, (am do not take part in 12step recovery) I don't count days. I concentrate only on the day that matters most, TODAY. As long as you stay sober TODAY you have nothing to worry about.
As far as AA is concerned I believe it would be most approiate to pick up a white chip and "start over". A conversation with your sponsor could help clear this up and why the AA program operates this way. If you don't have a sponsor, you may want to think about getting one. They can be a big help in guiding you through your journety to sobriety.
I think you will find the folks in AA to be very supportive of you when you pick up another white chip. I can't tell you how many times I slipped and picked up white tags (I mostly attended NA,they usually give out keychains, at least in my area they did.) and I was always welcomed with open arms and phone numbers. I had a chain of white tags 2 feet long before I was able to add a 30 day tag to it!! The most important thing is to be honest, most importantly to yourself. Try to look at why you made the choice to drink, and what you can do differently next time so you don't make that same choice again.
By the way, welcome to SoberRecovery. It's a great place for support. I've been coming here for many years, and have only recently put together any real ammount of time (8 months). So we are a pretty forgiving bunch around here too!! Take care.
For myself personally, (am do not take part in 12step recovery) I don't count days. I concentrate only on the day that matters most, TODAY. As long as you stay sober TODAY you have nothing to worry about.
As far as AA is concerned I believe it would be most approiate to pick up a white chip and "start over". A conversation with your sponsor could help clear this up and why the AA program operates this way. If you don't have a sponsor, you may want to think about getting one. They can be a big help in guiding you through your journety to sobriety.
I think you will find the folks in AA to be very supportive of you when you pick up another white chip. I can't tell you how many times I slipped and picked up white tags (I mostly attended NA,they usually give out keychains, at least in my area they did.) and I was always welcomed with open arms and phone numbers. I had a chain of white tags 2 feet long before I was able to add a 30 day tag to it!! The most important thing is to be honest, most importantly to yourself. Try to look at why you made the choice to drink, and what you can do differently next time so you don't make that same choice again.
By the way, welcome to SoberRecovery. It's a great place for support. I've been coming here for many years, and have only recently put together any real ammount of time (8 months). So we are a pretty forgiving bunch around here too!! Take care.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I like to look at things like this with anything in life.
Its the qulaity, not the quanity.
So your on day 1. But what you earned in that time is more important than a number.
Its the qulaity, not the quanity.
So your on day 1. But what you earned in that time is more important than a number.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
Yesterday is gone
If you learned something, that is a positive, not a negative
So today, don't drink, go to a meeting, raise your hand, reach out for help
Get a sponsor, work the steps etc etc
13 days means diddly in the grand scheme of things
How did you feel this morning?
guilty? shamed? etc blah blah
How would you like to never feel that way again?
Would you miss it?
You know what to do, now just do it.
we, and they (at the meetings), are all here for you, provided you are willing to be there for yourself
We all started somewhere, but at the end of the day we all have the same thing
Today
I had to "start over" after many years of sobriety in the program, and truthfully the only thing that suffered was my pride, and even that was a lie I told myself in order to feel bad about myself.
One of the symptoms of "alcoholism" is it tries to make us feel so bad that taking a drink is a good idea, it feeds on guilt and shame, it's a disease, that alone is invariably and painfully fatal, that together, is laughably curable.
It's like a mushroom, or a fungus, it likes to be kept in the dark and fed shyte, and it can't flourish in the sunlight, get thee to a meeting and get some sunshine on it.
If you learned something, that is a positive, not a negative
So today, don't drink, go to a meeting, raise your hand, reach out for help
Get a sponsor, work the steps etc etc
13 days means diddly in the grand scheme of things
How did you feel this morning?
guilty? shamed? etc blah blah
How would you like to never feel that way again?
Would you miss it?
You know what to do, now just do it.
we, and they (at the meetings), are all here for you, provided you are willing to be there for yourself
We all started somewhere, but at the end of the day we all have the same thing
Today
I had to "start over" after many years of sobriety in the program, and truthfully the only thing that suffered was my pride, and even that was a lie I told myself in order to feel bad about myself.
One of the symptoms of "alcoholism" is it tries to make us feel so bad that taking a drink is a good idea, it feeds on guilt and shame, it's a disease, that alone is invariably and painfully fatal, that together, is laughably curable.
It's like a mushroom, or a fungus, it likes to be kept in the dark and fed shyte, and it can't flourish in the sunlight, get thee to a meeting and get some sunshine on it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
Hi 2Besober
Welcome to SR
There's some great advice on this thread.
For me, noone can ever devalue the sober time you achieved - unless you decide to devalue it yourself by not learning the lessons you're meant to from this.
Many of us find it hard to give up our old ways - if it was easy we wouldn't need things like SR etc.
It's not about days for me - it's about freedom - freedom from alcohol and the freedom to live the life I want to.
But you need to be honest too - honesty's crucial in staying sober for me....not declaring this slip would hurt you mostly...you do not want lies to be a part of your life.
D
Welcome to SR
There's some great advice on this thread.
For me, noone can ever devalue the sober time you achieved - unless you decide to devalue it yourself by not learning the lessons you're meant to from this.
Many of us find it hard to give up our old ways - if it was easy we wouldn't need things like SR etc.
It's not about days for me - it's about freedom - freedom from alcohol and the freedom to live the life I want to.
But you need to be honest too - honesty's crucial in staying sober for me....not declaring this slip would hurt you mostly...you do not want lies to be a part of your life.
D
Work in Progress
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,142
Well I think its important that you feel badly about that. You could have just said screw it, I messed up and kept drinking, but you didn't, you stopped and I think that is most important. I personally am still doing one day at a time and as long as I make it through the day I am happy!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 24
Wow you guys are fantastic! I am so happy to find this community. I think it will really help. So, yes, day one again. Hurt pride for sure. Damn. I really appreciate all of your words. I decided to exercise my own will last night. I made a conscious and intentional decision to drink. I must learn to turn it over when I am overwhlemed and angry. I have to stop being self destructive when I am tired and discouraged. I feel pretty crappy today, but I will not drink.
Thanks again.
Thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Originally Posted by basIam
You didn't lose anything, in fact you probably got something that was missing before (see top of page 32).
Just keep coming back.
The key is getting up one more time then you fall down.
Just keep coming back.
The key is getting up one more time then you fall down.
I came to AA in 85 and many of my friends have over 20 years..some over 40...I can't say the same....
So...talk to people you can be honest with...
currently I have very little sober time, but for today...well i excersies some stubornness and don't drink and continue to seek the things that will lead to sobriety
utilize anything that helps you for now....for me it is talking to other alchoholics about what is going on with me...and just as important talking with people like you...on day one to try and help anyway I can..
you are never to knew to sobriety to care about others on this path...and it is in helping others that I find alot of strength in my desire to stay sober no matter what.
keep posting hon
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
I'm glad you're here and trying again.
I try to remember that recovery is a journey, and for me, it has not always been a straight line. There have been bumps and plateaus, but I have been able to find peace with the journey
I try to remember that recovery is a journey, and for me, it has not always been a straight line. There have been bumps and plateaus, but I have been able to find peace with the journey
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community
Glad to know you heading back into sobriety.
When I started my AA Step work....I felt a mental shift
from sobriety into solid recovery....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Pittsburgh PA
Posts: 32
Just because you slipped doesnt mean you've lost everything you learned about yourself and about what it takes to keep sober. Slipping up is the wake up call a lot of people need to really apply themselves to sobriety. Dont be so hard on yourself
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