Problems with recieving gifts?

Old 12-23-2009, 09:45 AM
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Problems with recieving gifts?

This is about the only martini trigger that I can think of this Christmas season... Anyone else feel uncomfortable with receiving gifts?

I'm one of those who GIVE GIVE GIVE and I seriously want nothing more than a "thanks" in return. I find it very uncomfortable to receive gifts on birthdays and holidays and I dislike compliments too LOL.

So its pretty clear that I need to change that mode of thinking - switch gears into something along the lines of being greatfull that they WANTED to give a gift to me as much as I want to give one to them.

Overall thats my only concern. People drink like fish around me all year round and that doesnt bug me. Its when I'm anxious or in uncomfortable situations that I dream of booze.

Merry Christmas!
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Old 12-23-2009, 10:08 AM
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It gives me joy to give. So, when someone is giving me a gift, I give them back the joy! Does that make sense? Be a gracious receiver! That is giving!


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Old 12-23-2009, 10:20 AM
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I like to give too. But I am not a give give giver. I give when and what I can if needed.
But I do feel very uncomfortable receiving gifts. Especially when I dont have money to buy anyone anything in return. I lost my job last month and I cant even buy my gram a Christmas card. I know my gram and my aunt and whoever pulled my name for secret santa are going to be giving me a gift. And I dont even feel comfortable with that.
I like to at least give my gram something. At least a card. I cant even do that. I feel like such a loser.
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Old 12-23-2009, 12:52 PM
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There's a saying, something like.....It's greater to give than to receive. But it's also good to receive graciously. I'll admit too to being ashamed when someone gives me a gift and I have nothing to give in return, or I didn't think to give them something. What I'm really grateful for in recovery is to know that that person was thinking of me, and thinks highly enough of me to want to give me something.

When I sobered up, there weren't too many people who thought much of me other than anger or hatred. Thankfully that has changed.
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Old 12-23-2009, 12:54 PM
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I don't like getting gifts wrapped in boxes either. I think it is awkward. I hate the giver watching me open it. I feel like I am supposed to have a specific reaction and am always worried that it is not going to be my real reaction. In fact, it rarely is my real reaction. I am not really into "stuff" and have very particular tastes when it actually comes to things so people usually miss my tastes. I hate pretending how much I like it. It feels insincere and I don't like it. I do appreciate the gesture. I just hate artifice. I much prefer no gifts. In fact, I have become a person who rarely gives a gift because I only give it when I actually think of it as something they would like or something that I have made which usually happens to be off season and at random times. I have gotten to the point where I rarely get or give gifts at the holidays. I like it this way. Wow, probably over the internet reading this I sound like a b*tch but it is just the way I am. And strangely I have always been like this even when I was really young. I was a total tomboy as a little girl and remember very vividly getting a barbie and hating it and pretending to like it and hating that feeling so much.

I don't think you "should" be or feel any different. For me recovery has been about being who I truly am, no matter who that is. Some aspects of that may not seem "good" but the reality is is that there is no good or bad (although society and other people may seem at times to think so). There just is me and the more I try to get away from my authentic self, the more problems that I have.
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