dedubya

Very cool-
You 'sound' strong!!! That is awesome. BTW I am using Klonopin also for this week and it really helps but makes my sleepy, but the anxiety is sure reduced. Hang in there. I am going to an AA mtg in 20 mnts, got to keep my mind focused on sobriety. After 5 days if I screw up now I will not like it....after putting up with what I have so far.
I have 100% confidence that you will make it through this.
Will be on later this pm....
Best wishes
Dub

gerryP

Hey Dream,

You're doing great. Just take it slowly.

It may not get worse as the day goes by....every time is different. If it does, don't give the craving any power, just go with it. I used to lay down and breath through them and fall asleep. I slept as much as I could.

Can you get to a library today or tomorrow morning and get some magazines to flip through? Some People or US, something mindless, if reading a book is difficult to concentrate on.

Keep up the fight Dream...we all got here one step at a time. Ride the waves, they don't last forever.

Keep posting as time permits.

Dream2bClean

This sucks I am stopping alchohol today and was maybe thinkig off my pain meds from my back surgery which in all honesty I dont think I need but I dont deserve them b.c I have been injecting them.

I dont know how I can just post that so freely and witout even caring b/c i used to think people that crossed that line were stupid, self controless (if that is a word I am in such a rush today on top of everything else so I cant look it up) and that was after I had been to rehab, and did major drugs in evey other way in my life.

Thats why I drink so much to not care about that. I was just honestly cleaning up and came across an unused rig I didnt even know I had hidden in this spot b.c it wasnt a very good one. It took 5 min to have it in my arm. It is now (I did make a second one squirted it out and broke off the tip) which I will regret later but I am sick by myself but today i am workingon alcohol, 1 thing at a time.

I am not going to shoot again either, but I messed up and am moving on. I had not really made a commitment to that but looks like I need to make that commitment here as well. No alcohol and take my meds as directed.

That is the plan for today.

I bet some of you think I can not do this and i hope so and I would really like to hear why b/c that will make me fight harder, I work like that unfortuantely. Also does a mantra when I became pregnant wirth my daughter (ans was not drinking nearly as much as I am now) I kept thinking a lot about fetal accohol syndrome an had somene say to me make sure you dont drink now (they did not know I was an alcoholic then) but htey said you dont want to have a mangeled baby.

So everytime I wanted to drink i just kept repeating mangeled baby, sorry its gross not tryingt o be offensive to anyone but it worked for me, but it was easier becasue I was elated to be pregnant, and didnt know if I was having any withdrawel or if the headaches (terrible) I were having were withdrawel or from pregnancy so it was easier to justify and I really did think it was pregnany.

This time my mantra has to be lose daughter. I am going to keep repeating that b/c with what I have been doing I could easily lose her if someone reported me. So I am going to say lose daughter everytime I want a drink like right now.

And when my mind says it will make me feel better or I should cut down some more first before quitting this disease is taking to me and saying so many things to get me go buy a beer a big one. Lodse daughter.

Ok I have to go do some shopping now, I am running so behind and getting out would be good.

Thank you all so very much!
Dreams

bbr

Hey Dreams, you CAN do it. Just do it for today. Shopping on a day like today (2 days before Christmas) will certainly help keep your mind off it. I know it did for me yesterday. Good luck!

Lenina

Dream,

You can do this! Just look around this board, it's full of miracles! So many of us have recovery! Most of us never thought it would be possible, yet here we are! So, there's no reason why you shouldn't be one of us who has sobriety and joy in our lives!

For me, I needed help. I tried many times to go it alone and couldn't. I needed a plan and program of recovery. Have you ever used AA or NA? Now would be a good time to look into those programs. They are free!

Please be gentle with yourself. Continue to post and read the posts of others. We are here for you!

Love,

Lenina

c49

You have a lot on your plate with quitting booze and painkillers before the new job begins. PLEASE be careful with the painkillers because an email like this would raise a flag.

Good luck!

Dream2bClean

4 PM and still nothing to drink but I did go shopping for more presents that my daughter doesnt need and actually pulled into the store to buy beer b/c I HATE wrapping presents and thought about how I usually do it and drink beer and its not so bad.

I pulled into the convenience store anad thought about coming home in knowing I had to face this board so I left the store without buying but it was close, I did run in hopes and opened the fridge and hoped that my husband bought some, nothing there, he doesnt want me drinking either. I am glad b/c now I am not drinking for now.

Lenina

Dream,

Good job on not buying or drinking! Keep it up minute by minute if you have to and remember we are here for you.

Love,

Lenina

MaxRay

Dream,

This is my first day, too! It is hard, but I already can't believe how much I have accomplished with just 24 hours of being sober. I got so much done today. Make sure you pat yourself on the back for the things you are getting done - big and little. You sure conquered a huge one by not buying that beer.

Keep on going! You can do this!

Dream2bClean

I failed

Anna

I'm sorry Dream.

Take a look at what happened and see what you can do to avoid that pitfall next time. We are here for you.

gerryP

Tomorrow is a new day Dream.....

Think about how you will start the day and have a plan.

Best to you.

Dee74

I 'failed' for 15 years Dream.

For me I realised I had to work at least as hard on being sober as I did on getting drunk - that meant going a long way out of my comfort zone that I'd built up for years.

It wasn't easy - it was difficult - but I found wonderful support and help here.

You can never lose if you never give up Dream
D

MeAndOnlyMe

You didn't fail - you created another opportunity to succeed.

Dream2bClean

I am going to try again tomorrow, at least I see today as a success ish b/c I didnt drink until 5pm when I wanted to at 9AM.

I am sorry to let you all down but now I know what I am up against.

I AM going to try again tomorrow. I can not live like this anymore.

DREAMS

TGFS

I am on day 41. That;s 41 less hangovers, fights with my wife, 41 more times spent with my kids....you get the picture. Good luck. I will be praying for you.

gerryP

Thata Girl Dream!

You're right...you got through the day yesterday. Don't stop trying.

Ohhhh, you'll be so glad you didn't stop trying.

You have so much to be clean and sober for. Yourself who is worth it, your daughter, your husband, for a life that wouldn't be possible if you continue to use and drink.

It will get easier. Have you made a list of what you envision your life to be without alcohol and drugs?

Thinking of you today. Slow and easy wins the race Dream.

keithj

This was me, Dreams, for about 3 years before I got sober. Nearly every day I'd make myself that promise to not drink that day, and usually sometime time during that day I'd end up drinking. And when I drank, I didn't stop.

I'd wake up the next day full of guilt and remorse and make that promise all over again. Sure, there were brief times where I was successful at not drinking, but there always came the day where I'd pick back up without much thought or over some trivial reason.

I've watched this same pattern in countless others in the years since.

I fought that fight for as long as I could. I didn't give up easily. Kept making that promise, kept trying not to drink. When my problems piled up to where I didn't think I'd ever get them sorted out. When I simply could not keep on fighting, I reached out for help. I spoke with a man who claimed to have a solution for my problem.

He layed out the problem for me in a way that made sense. I knew he understood how hard I was trying to not drink. I knew he had been there. He showed me in AA's Big Book what the problem really was. And he showed me the solution to it.

A set of simple actions, that when complete, would solve the problem. Having no other options left, and being desperate, I started taking the suggested actions. The first day I started was my first day sober. Those actions have led me to a life better than I could have hoped. A life that is fulfilled and content, has purpose, and in which I'm of use to others.

I wish you the best in your fight. If you find that you are unable to fight any longer, I know that AA has a solution for you.

Dream2bClean

Thank you all I know I can do this but I also know I need NA like before and to come totally clean w/ my husband (again) he is going to be pissed I am back on the needle but well get through it and I will stop I see the problem is WAY bigger than I thought.

THank you all Merry Christmas.
Still Dreaming....