NEOMARXIST

SR understands. AA understands. Only another alcoholic can possibly understand.

It will always be possible to keep digging and making your rock-bottom even lower untill eventually you just die.

Commit to sobriety now mate and really do everything possible not pick up that first drink 'just for today'. If you pick it back up again then you will just be making another post like this in another 4 months untill eventually you stop even bothering with SR or AA and then it's all over.

Drink just isn't worth it. Give it up one day at time and fill that 'void' with recovery.

Dee74

Have you tried counselling Spen?
Ar least that would target the problem - drinking just helps us avoid it.

Anything has to be better than trying to drink it away, mate.

D

spen71

I have been the docs and I mentioned counselling. The impression I got was that it is not available.

Kmber2010

Do you mean insurance won't cover it? I really think it would help tremendously.

Dee74

I'm not sure why counselling wouldn't be available - do you mean on a free basis?

In any case, I think we'd both agree you need to do something more than what you have been so far - whether it be another Dr, counselling, AA, rehab, or something else.

Ultimately it's up to you what that is, spen.

D

spen71

I am not sure how it works in the UK with therapy. I am going the docs on Tuesday and will ask again.

shaun00

Most counties/towns will have their own drug and alcohol support agencies.
Those agencies will have access to free counselling..normally starting with 6 sessions..

Counselling is available through the nhs..........thats up to your doctor to refer you but only if he deems it appropriate.

other than that the only option would be private.........but your looking at 35/50 £ an hour.....again six session minimum.

might be worth searching on-line in your area.

yeahgr8

Just to pitch in, unless there is a good reason why you dont want to use the NHS resources for conselling you can absolutely be referred by your docs to a nhs psychiatrist for a chat who will refer you to a counselor.

If this is done as well as AA it really helps, my experience was that counbselling never got me sober, AA did and i speak to a CBT counselor once a week who is great and we talk about life stuff:-)

spen71

Thanks for your input. I am just not sure if I am entitled. The doc has said I am midly depressed due to negative thoughts. Will def mention it on Tuesday.

spen71

Bumping this. Well my drinking finally come to finish everything off. My partner wants me to move out and if I am honest with myself it is for the best. Things will never be the same.

Manage to go 4 weeks easily then bamp the alcohol takes over. I have come to the conclusion that I will never be happy and am so unsure of everything.

coming_clean

I need NA in order to stay sober.....try it once...

Dee74

I thought I could never be happy either spen.
I was wrong - what I needed to do was get serious about tackling my addiction.

How much more will you allow yourself to loose, mate?

D

spen71

Thanks for the replies. I have this feeling of being lonely. But why I keep asking myself? I have a good partner and 2 beautiful daughters,

NEOMARXIST

Hi Spen71. Sorry to hear about your situation mate. I was similar in my drinking that I would be able to get to 2/3 weeks and then I would be gagging to get wasted. Like it made me whole or something. Very hard to explain. Like I never felt totally complete or at ease in my own mind and booze was like the magic key that completed my brain chemistry. It quietened my thoughts and mind down and allowed me to lose myself and reality and to be just able to float away into another world, away from worry and negative emotions. At least for a while. But that didn't really happen thinking about it anyway for the last 18 months and I was just feeling p*ssed-off. But also intoxicated too. Not a good combination.

I found that I had to go to AA regularly throughout periods of my sobriety. particularly early on for the first few months and then again for the next few months. This gave me some drive and focus and also getting to see recovery in action and also get to know other alcoholics was invaluable. SR also was/is my staple recovery resource. I have to keep in contact with other alcoholics/addicts daily to keeo my focus and recovery grounded. Also I really enjoy coming to SR too. I enjoy AA meetings too. I enjoy recovery.

Recovery is possible if you want it but it truly is a 'one day at a time' deal.

What you must know is that drinking isn't worth it for you. One is too many and 10000 never enough.

If you continue to drink then your life will probably continue to go down. If you stop drinking then you can work at rebuilding your life piece by piece 'one day at a time'.

spen71

Cheers Neo. That sounds like how I feel. As ex-OH I am too negative. I keep thinking what is the point of being positive. I will have to go back with AA and stick with it. The times I have been before I have not felt at ease.

NEOMARXIST

Hi Spen. Try and remember what you're going there for. I remember thinking to myself that a bit of unease at AA is nothing compared to the unease that I felt coming down off a huge binge or sitting in court or in the police cells. I was sick of being a drunk.

Anything that is worth something doesn't come easily and instantly. That's why alcohol and drugs destroy people. Because it's just too easy.

Peace

coming_clean

I've come to this point lately...

If I keep on using I'llhave a 100% guarantee that I will have a miserable life...
If I really work hard at my sobriety i'll at least have a chance at a better life...something more..

spen71

I mentioned this to my doctor but is it PAWS kicking in after a month? I have been thinking about this alot and the best way I can describe it is that I am like a dam in a river. The pressure of live builds up (even little things) and I feel more and more on edge, then the pressure gets to much and I break. Then the spiral with drink starts.

Dee74

I dunno if thats PAWs spen - could be, but I think maybe it's just life.

When we customarily use drink or drugs (sometimes for years) to get through life...we don't necessarily develop the coping skills that others do...

so when we take away those drink or drugs...it can be a bumpy ride until we learn how to cope.

This is a good intro to PAWs anyway (apologies if you seen it)

Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) — Why we don’t get better immediately) Digital Dharma

D

spen71

Update.

Well it is back to day one again. Hopefully the withdrawals will not be too bad. Going to work so hopefully being busy will keep my mind off it.

Been talking to my partner and maybe be able to work through this. I am also going to give AA another try this time by being more open-minded.

Thanks Dee. I think you are right by the coping aspect of things. As long as I can remember I have used drinking to cope. If I feel bored I drink. Upset I drink. Depressed I drink. Part of my upbringing plays an aspect with this.