Stereosteveo

Ya if you can just do that you won't need a recovery program. Here is what the book says:

"We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us."

Surely you have good intentions OzSandy as do most of us, but that's the kind of advice that only prolongs the suffering for the real alcoholic. I can tell you from experience a "triggers list", or an "instead of" list was a waste of my time.

Well your advice may help a hard drinker and my book quote may help a real alcoholic.

Dee74

I think whatever works is the best approach.

That's why SR is so good in my opinion - we're an open board - we have lots of successful members here, using a wide variety of methods.

D

janitorking

thanks for everyone's advice. i appreciate both 'momentary' solutions like the drinking tea thing and 'long term' solutions like working the program. at the time i wrote my post i was actually needing something like the tea drinking comment. i think we're all aware that we need to work the program steve0. we probably wouldn' have made it to the point of searching for help on the internet if we weren't. i currently am working through the 12 steps and there is nothing in them aside from prayer (which i believe only works some people) that can aleviate the chemical withdrawal one feels in the first weeks of recovery. i've found that the only thing that helps slightly curb the 'need' to drink alcohol is drinking something else....and lots of it. i just so happened to pick gatorade and monster energy drinks. they're both something of a shock to the system taste wise which is what i was going for. they sure as hell don't get me drunk but they do kind of jolt my system. any way you slice it, the first days and weeks of recovery suck. i'm edgy, irritated, jittery, miserable and generally just a little hazy. i've noticed that there are gaps in my memory which is scaring the sh*t out of me. for instance, when i left for work this morning i have no memory of kissing my wife goodbye but she assures me that i did. i don't even remember getting in my car. is it possible to drink away your short term memory? i'm starting to wonder. to make matters worse, i got a call from somebody who left a voice mail saying, "you're grandma is waiting to be picked up at your mother's house whenever you're ready". all of my grandparents have been dead for quite some time. obviously probably just a wrong number but it freaked me out and i damn near had a panic attack. i had to verbally remind myself to breathe. paranoia....that's another joy (at least for me) of early withdrawal. i almost had 60 days clean before my last relapse. i was doing so well. starting over sucks. all the old alcholic thoughts are back. trying to block them out is a 24 hour struggle. 60 days seems completely unatainable now. stupid me!

Dee74

Your bodys and minds still adjusting JK - all that 'did I do that or not' fuzziness is normal.
Have you heard of PAWS - ti may help set your mind at ease that you're not alone in this.

Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) — Why we don’t get better immediately) Digital Dharma

Give it time JK - things come back
D

Stereosteveo

I wrote a long beautiful warm fuzzy reply to your PM, but you have receiving PM's turned off. :O(

janitorking

thank you Dee and OzSandy. i'm familiar with PAWS but haven't really experienced them to the extent that i currently am. today i'm dealing with the mental obsession part more than the chemical withdrawals. i don't know which is worse. my mind is swirling out of control with thoughts of drinking. it's like i have a sumo wrestler sitting on my chest and all i have to do to get him off is say uncle. taking a drink being synonomous with removing the sumo from my chest. i haven't gotten to a point where i can comfortably just say no. saying no means trying to accept how empty and anxious i feel without alcohol. that isn't easy. i'm such a weak sucker when it comes to numbing myself. i never imagined a weakness so great would ever be a part of my life. writing helps so excuse me if i rant.

Stereosteveo

Ok what's the latest Janitor?

janitorking

sober for 5 days. passing the 3 day mark is always a big deal. the obsessive thinking is getting a bit better. and oh yeah...i'm sober. that counts for something i guess.

Dee74

good to hear JK

D