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Old 12-16-2009, 08:53 AM
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Hi to everyone

Hello all!

I am so tired of being controlled by alcohol. I feel unwell every day. I manage to stop drinking every few weeks but cannot stay stopped. I have joined this forum to get some support to enable me to stay stopped. I will not ask for support and help where I live as I work in the services and do not want anyone to recognise me....I would lose my job.

I work full time and am married with 3 children and a grandson who lives with me. My drinking hasn't caused me to lose anyone or anything..well apart from my self respect and my health. I have managed to keep everything together and run my household, my job and care for my children and dogs, but it has been a very hard task and I can't do it anymore.

Today is day one of my recovery and please God with some support and help I will beat this once and for all.

Thanks for reading this...look forward to getting to know you.
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Old 12-16-2009, 09:04 AM
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Welcome. That 'feeling unwell every day' is one of my biggest motivations for not drinking. Thanks for reminding me. Every morning until early afternoon and then planning the first one after work. Vicious vicous vicous. Of course at weekends there was no waiting period. Hair of the dog did the trick every time.
This place is wonderful for support. Stick with us.
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Old 12-16-2009, 09:09 AM
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Welcome to SR. Sorry you are here, but glad you are here. I remember all to well feeling the way you do. You have made the first step to recovery, admitting that you have a problem. Now all you have to do is not drink today, that's all there is to it. Keep posting and reading it does help.
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Old 12-16-2009, 09:10 AM
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Welcome to Sober Recovery. I found that when I sought recovery I had to keep a different scorecard to determine if I had reached my bottom. I too still had my home, job, car, money in the bank, family but what I had realized was that I was mentally, spiritually and emotionally bankrupt. You don't have to lose material things to reach a bottom, welcome to recovery.
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Old 12-16-2009, 09:11 AM
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Hiya,
You've found a great place to start. You CAN do this. One day at a time. Stick with us...don't forget by being here and staying sober you'll be helping others do the same.
Benji
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Old 12-16-2009, 09:18 AM
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Welcome!!
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Old 12-16-2009, 09:32 AM
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Hi and welcome.

You are not hopeless. If I can quit, as much as I drank for thirty years, you can too.
Devise a plan, change your habits. Do anything it takes to change.

You'll find lots of support here.

Best wishes to you.
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Old 12-16-2009, 10:51 AM
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Welcome Stayinfree! I am glad you joined this site. I joined this site a year ago this past May and it has definitely been my lifeline more then once since then. I don't do AA, but I keep that card in my pocket if needed. So far this choice of recovery has worked for me. I post when I need help and BEFORE I give into an urge I tell on myself here. I've changed my evening routines and now I actually look forward to my coffee in the evening. Amazes even myself that one.

I drank every evening for many years. I was able to "function" if you want to call it that. I thought you had to hit this so called bottom before you were able to quit, but everyone's reasons are different and mine were the fact I was killing myself slowly and surely. I am a mom to a now 7 year old boy. I was able to care for him up until the husband came home and then it was my time. Ha! My time was pour the wine and ignore the rest of my life EVERY evening. I have drank since I was in high school and only stopped while I was pregnant. Miracle beyond miracle I have no permanent health damage, but I don't want to test fate and keep going until I do.

Just wanted to share this to let you know that if I could quit and stay sober AND start living again that you can too. We are not that different. Really and who is to say you have to keep going until you lose it all. Why not stop when we're ahead of the game.
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Old 12-16-2009, 01:45 PM
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Thank you for the welcome and sharing of your stories.
I am so grateful to have found this forum.

I have been quite a heavy drinker for at least the past 5 years. Drinking at least a bottle of wine every night. I have given up several times...the longest being 3 months. I only drink at night when my grandson has gone to bed and I have lived for this 2 or 3 hours of drinking each night like it has been my treat for getting through the day.

I stopped drinking about 3 weeks ago because I had a bottle of wine...then 2 cans of cider which didn't go down well....I felt ill for a week with heartburn and vomiting....I barely managed to get into work and I frightened myself.

10 days sober...I'm drinking again...forgetting why or still a bit in denial?? I don't know. I have drank for 5 days in a row and I have now stopped again.
I feel so much better in myself when I stop, after the initial first few days of feeling rough.....no shame, guilt, fear...so why do I keep starting again??

I'm frightened that this poison called alcohol will not let me get out of it's grip and I hope that this forum and support will be my lifeline.
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Old 12-16-2009, 01:50 PM
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You will Stayinfree, but you may need more then SR. You may need to try some meetings and some face to face support. For some this place is enough, but for others it doesn't cut it. You do have my support though.
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Old 12-16-2009, 03:26 PM
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Welcome to SR! I'm glad you found us and joined the family. There are many ways to stay sober. Some of us here use just SR. Some go to AA. Some use other programs. Some use a mix of things, including counseling. I hope you find what you need to stay sober. It's simple, but not easy, but is so worth the effort it takes to stay sober.

Again, welcome!
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Old 12-16-2009, 05:17 PM
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I am so glad you joined us.

I understand your comment about keeping these together and how hard it is to do that. At the end of my drinking, I was absolutely exhausted in every sense of the word. The hiding, the lying, the covering up had taken away my life. I came so very close to losing my family. I did lose what self-respect I had left and caused health problems for myself. I hope you can find inspiration on these boards. I know I do.
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Old 12-16-2009, 05:27 PM
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Welcome Stayinfree! I'm glad you found this place, too. It's been invaluable to me..there are so many knowledgeable and caring people here. Looking forward to hearing more from you!
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Old 12-17-2009, 08:20 AM
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Hello Stayinfree! You know what hurts you, you know where the way out is, you can stay sober during rather long periods of time. So, you have everything to win in that battle.

I do not know if my piece of advice is any good for you. But, when being sober, you start thinking of a drink - perhaps a thought comes that "just a little drink is not bad for me"? You just have to stop at this point. Because you know: one little drink always leads to another, and then to one more, and more...

You must decide once and for all that alcohol does not exist for you. And never lie to yourself that "a little is not bad"...
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Old 12-17-2009, 08:56 AM
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Welcome to SR Stayinfree, stay in the day, the moment if needed to stay sober, the past is the past & it can not be changed, the future will never arrive, all we have to do is live in the day and the moment because that is all we will ever have control over is what we do right now.

If you find that SR alone is not enough for you to stay sober check out Alcoholics Anonymous. Notice I bolded anonymous.

I see you live in the UK, but AA is the same on both sides of the pond.

Ask your self this question:

If I went to an AA meeting and saw Mayor would you leave the meeting and tell every one "You know I was at an AA meeting last night and I saw the Mayor there!"

Of course you wouldn't, reason being who ever you told would ask you what you were doing there!!!

I can tell you that I know for a fact that here in the US, there are politicians all the way up to the national level who have attended AA for many years. There are closed AA meeting in almost every government building in DC including the US Congress.

I know lawyers, a Judge, a retired Preacher, business owners, businessmen, and others all in the public eye in my area that have attended AA for years.

When I was drinking I used to think no one knew I was a drunk except my immediate family, I convinced myself that I never slurred my speech, that I always walked a straight line and that I always carried on an intelligent converstaion even when drunk.

Well it only took me a few months sober to find out that almost every single person that knew me also knew I was a drunk! The only person I ever really fooled was me.

Another question to ponder, would you rather people know you as a drunk or as a recovering alcoholic who attends AA?

I was known as a drunk for many years all the while thinking I was fooling every one, now every person who knew me as a drunk knows me as a recovering alcoholic, they all have the utmost respect for me today.
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Old 12-17-2009, 08:59 AM
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Welcome....
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Old 12-17-2009, 01:18 PM
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Stayinfree, how are you doing today?? I am a newcomer to 'SR' also, day three sober for me... I'm glad for both of us that we have found this support system. Reading what you have written is like reading my own story, I hope that we can help remind eachother why we are here. Hugs to you.
Sarah
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Old 12-17-2009, 02:24 PM
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Welcome to SR stayinfree

This place helped me turn my life around - I hope we can help you too

D
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Old 12-17-2009, 04:22 PM
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Thank you so much for you kind messages of support...they are really helping me.

I have spent tonight wrapping christmas presents...still sober...Day 2 and doing Ok so far....not that the thoughts of alcohol ever leave my mind for one second.

I am hoping that the support I can get on here will be enough to help me through this. Not that I rule out AA if I really find I can't stop for good this time...I will have to go...

I wish you all well on your journeys
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Old 12-18-2009, 08:18 AM
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Hi Stayinfree

I'm also new to this site, 20 days sober now. The best I can manage at the moment is hour by hour, day by day. I'm trying to keep things simple and nurture myself the best I can without self-medicating. I have formed quite an addiction to gummy bears. Be kind to yourself and congratulations on your sober time.

many prayers your way
sam
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