Jester1025

I am sorry to say that I was on my 17th day of sobriety last Friday when I finally gave in to my temptation and decided to drink. I am not exactly sure why, but for some reason I had been feeling really really bad both physically and mentally for a few days leading up to Friday. I know that I had been drinking quite a bit of coffee everyday, and I had just started taking St. John's Wort on Tuesday. For whatever reason, however, I just felt awful on Friday. I was very edgy and depressed pretty much the whole entire day. I even blew up at my wife during lunch that day for no apparent reason. By the time I got home, I had pretty much made up my mind that I was going to drink. I was so frustrated because I was feeling so bad physically and mentally. I kept telling myself that it was just not fair for my body to feel that way since I had not drank in 17 days. You would think that I would have felt really good for achieving 17 days of sobriety. But no... I felt freakin awful... In a way, I felt betrayed. In my mind, I thought to myself, what is the point of staying sober if I am going to feel like this? Anyway, I ended up drinking on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. By the time Monday morning rolled around, I just felt like a living hell. Like the old me was back. I ended up having to leave work and go home sick before noon. My head hurt so bad, and I was extremely tired and depressed all day long. I am so ashamed for relapsing because I was doing so well for nearly 3 weeks. But now I am starting over, and I am only day 2. Great... I must admit that I am feeling pretty depressed about this right now. I don't know if I started feeling bad last week because of the coffee or the St. John's Wort, but something was definitely not right because I had been feeling so good before that. Whatever it was though, it definitely led me to drink. I really do want to stay sober, but I am afraid of what I will do if I feel like that again. Does anyone have any advice? Thanks.

skroomadoom

Don't know anything about St. John's Wort but I have definitely found that, for me, coffee can be somewhat of a trigger, especially if I have too much. In my experience, coffee works just like any other drug -- what goes up must come down. I feel more awake and alert while it's working but after it wears off I get tired, irritable, depressed, etc and it makes me want to drink/use again. I don't know if this is the case with you but you might want to try cutting out the coffee and see what happens.

Anna

Have you talked to your dr and had a checkup?

Sometimes, there are things that have been a problem for awhile, but we didnt notice them while we were drinking.

basIam

Jester....

I am going to refer you back to our dialog.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-i-am-now.html

I HIGHLY suggest you reread the passages I noted.
I HIGHLY suggest you pull out pencil and paper and WRITE the answers (don't type on computer) to the questions I asked.

Hint: yes/no questions require nothing more than a yes / no answer

I am not suggesting you do anything that I myself didn't do on my own path to recovery.


Btw, they say "the only step you have to work perfectly is the first step!"
What they don't tell you: "you've worked the first step perfectly when you realize what little good the first step is!"

Stereosteveo

"I finally gave in to my temptation and decided to drink."

Are you sure the alcohol didn't decide for you?

In my case alcohol had became my master.

perrybucsdad

Jester, it's okay you stumbled, many of us do. The important part is you got back up on your feet and are starting over.

I tried St John's a while back and it made me very agitated feeling. I guess I would ask yourself, why did you decide to start taking it? I know I found an article on how to detox yourself through herbal remedies a few weeks back, and it made me feel horrible... as such, I stopped taking them and have felt 110% ever since.

Let us know how you are doing so we know you are well.

Take care and may your burdens be lightened.

Horselover

First thing is don't beat yourself down further then alcohol already did. You have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. The reasons for relapses are as varied and different as the snowflakes, but you should find out what triggered it in yourself so you can be prepared next time.

What kind of recovery are you involved in? If its just SR then you had better turn to SR when that urge to drink hits and if you are in a mood that is leading to thoughts of drinking reach out then.

If you are in AA then use those phone numbers. If you have yet to get numbers then now might be a good time.

Gratitude is big too. If you can start a list of things you are grateful for it might help in a big way. I write on the gratitude boards here each morning and before I go to sleep I journal some gratitude too. Hard to be resentful and grateful at the same time.

Definitely talk with your doctor about depression or even just the way you are feeling and if you haven't yet, please, please get a check up. You know the physical, the blood tests and all that stuff. You may be chemically off because of the effects of the alcohol on your body. I was a bit. Started some vitamins and stuff and feel much better myself.

You can do this and know that you did do 17 sober days and I bet that's more then you have done in quite awhile or at least that's my guess.