Calling myself out
 

Hi all... I am feeling very icky right now, and ickiness leads to drunk for me. I am checking in with some behaviors I fear may take me down... I am almost 8 months clean and sober (by the grace of God, the fellowship, and hard work in AA). Lately I've been acting out a bit and I'm nervous: I am overspending, holding a resentment, and manipulating a relationship (My daughters dad is living with me at the moment and though we "arent together" we've been addicitively sleeping together, and I have also started to date someone without telling him). I suppose I am here telling on myself and to check in because it's been a while since I posted. I suppose I am looking for a bit of support, feedback, or suggestions for pulling myself back into positive behaviors. I hate this feeling... can anyone relate? Thanks.

Hi,

I think you are doing the right thing, but putting your feelings out there and dealing with them.

I find honesty to be hugely important in recovery. It sounds to me like you have been doing really well, and you are aware that your relationship with your child's father, is less than honest. If it was me, and I was sleeping with a man who I wasn't involved with, it would cause me problems. Maybe take a step back from that relationship and from the person you've begun dating, and see how you feel.

Congratulations on 8 sober months!

Thanks Anna. You're right... I know the right things to do, I just don't want to do them. But no one said recovery was going to be easy. *Sigh* Thanks again :)

I certainly can relate. Knowing what I should do and actually doing it are two completely different things. I know if I'm not careful the honesty issue will do me in. First I start by being dishonest with others. Then I follow with being dishonest with myself. "To Thine own self be true"...
Congrats on 9 months that is awesome!!!

Hmmm, you talking about me? :)

Have you thought about attending some AA meetings as some of these issues may be threatening your sobriety? I always found the rooms to be very helpful when the committee in my head started thinking.