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Gratitude - Saturday?

Old 12-12-2009, 12:42 PM
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Gratitude - Saturday?

As the title implies I am feeling very gratefull today, and it's a Saturday!! LOL, shock horror!! haha.

It is hard to remember this time two weeks ago I was all over the place mentally and feeling really quite irritable, anxious and tormented.

How things can change. I am feeling pretty damn good today about things and getting to lots of meetings and sharing has really aided that.

I am soooo gratefull to have 100% acceptance of my alcoholism. Things are so much easier. I no-longer dread the future but instead am feeling fairly excited about what things may be around the corner.

BUT... I am ever aware that there is an alcoholic demon resting on my shoulder who will be more than willing to pounce if I ever get too complacent.

I am really starting to get into recovery now and embracing the program of AA and I am finding that this not drinking lark is little about the alcohol but more about the living and how I think/live.

It is only by hitting your lowest ebb will you be gratefull for certain 'joys' of recovery. Most people wouldn't even appreciate them but I do... Just little things like talking to someone in the street with your head held up high and not worrying that you may have said something offesive to them.

Gratefull more than ever to be sober and I urge anyone new to this sobriety lark to stick with it because the alternative really ain't all that.



peace and love xxx
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Old 12-12-2009, 01:11 PM
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Its hard to remember how the pendulum swings both ways... especially when your down.

IT sounds like you have a very grounded foundation with your recovery and can handle those down times, knowing they do not last forever!
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Old 12-12-2009, 01:31 PM
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good stuff Neo - I'm glad to hear it mate


D
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Old 12-12-2009, 04:04 PM
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i look terrible, i feel miserable, i dont feel like im emotionally or physically able to even leave my room for ANY reason... are these the "joys" of "recovery"? i might get banned again for saying this, but right now i just wanna get ****** up again
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Old 12-12-2009, 04:22 PM
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well sara, you just started your recovery days ago, right? You can get where NEO is now, one...day...at...a...time. Hang in there, it gets better, I promise.

Mark
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Old 12-12-2009, 04:32 PM
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What a nice post, Neo! Glad you're doing so well!

I'm sorry you're feeling rough, sara. Time will help, like Mark said. Hope you're feeling better soon and keep up the good fight!
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Old 12-12-2009, 04:40 PM
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Great thread. I'm grateful for four months of sobriety, grateful for the money I haven't spent on beer or wine recently, grateful for the clarity that comes to me a little bit more each day.

You know, I'm grateful for stupid stuff too...like cell phones. When I was a teenager (like my son is now), I never would have dreamed of having a phone I can carry around with me. How cool is that? And the internet, online bulletin boards like this one, email, etc. We take all this stuff so for granted anymore but sometimes I think about all the things that are available to people now that weren't a generation ago and just go, "Wow!"

Yes, I'm a dork. But a happy, sober dork!
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Old 12-12-2009, 06:11 PM
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Glad to hear things are going to well Neo. Sobriety is really, really great!
Hang in there Sara. One day at a time.
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Old 12-12-2009, 07:04 PM
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Hey Neo, nice to see you back on the positive track!

It's not always a bed of roses, this sobriety, but surely it's great when in a good mood and life feels ok.

I feel that I have a new sense of who I am, a much deeper sense, and my brain is just working so much better than it used to. I know what I like, I knoiw what I don't like. I feel what I really feel, I say what I feel, I'm living!!

Wow. I'm 3,5 months, right behind you, and it's looking pretty good. Let's go it together

sara19, plz...Don't give up. There's a light.
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Old 12-13-2009, 04:35 AM
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Thanks for the posts people.

With my recovery I try to be very open and honest about what I am feeling/thinking, both on SR and at AA. This openess and honesty is the only way for me personally and I find it to be very therapeutic. Only by hitting the bad times and coming through them without picking up a drink will you be able to appreciate the good-times. And it's oh so worth it!! One Day At A Time.

Sara19 my only advice to you is that you have to want sobriety more than getting F*cked up, untill you reach that point then you will continue going down the same path.
Recovery from alcohol/drug addiction is not easy, that's why the majority of people go back to drinking/drugging. That is easy, anyone can get to a rough patch and choose to chuck a can of booze down their neck or put a line up their nose. Too easy.

If you are feeling like that then all more booze/drugs is gonna do is keep you locked in that cycle. Your gonna have to overcome the pain/fear by not pickingup/using. That cannot be an option to you anymore if you truly are done with drink/drugs.
The help is out there if you want it, but you've gotta want it.

Thankyou SR for being there for me and I'm glad my posts have been positive again of late!! LOL.
ps- Thanks Jazzz 'onwards and upwards'

Peace and love xxx
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Old 12-13-2009, 05:07 AM
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Congrats, Neo! Sounds like you're in a good place these days. At first I didn't want to believe some of the people here who kept saying "it gets better"...but it truly does get better. This is the first holiday season that I've been totally sober since 1979...I'm sure a lot of you weren't even born yet! Just goes to show that you're never too old (or young) to change for the better.
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Old 12-13-2009, 06:44 AM
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Thanks Neo! Wish we had a thank you button, but this will suffice. Great post, as usual.
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Old 12-13-2009, 06:52 AM
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Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST View Post
Thanks for the posts people.
Sara19 my only advice to you is that you have to want sobriety more than getting F*cked up, untill you reach that point then you will continue going down the same path.
Recovery from alcohol/drug addiction is not easy, that's why the majority of people go back to drinking/drugging. That is easy, anyone can get to a rough patch and choose to chuck a can of booze down their neck or put a line up their nose. Too easy.
it's not that i want to be ****** up all the time... i need it, to be myself.. i cant function normally without it... this isnt fun for me, its more like self-medicating i guess.. put it this way, i know drinking might kill me eventually (i take other drugs too, but i can take or leave them), but if i didnt have it i'd probably be dead already.. i know this probably isnt the type of thing people here want to see, but its true, for me anyway... thats what makes all of this so difficult and scary
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Old 12-13-2009, 07:13 AM
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Nothing unusual there at all Sara. Sounds like alcoholism to me.

An 'old-timer' shared at a meeting the other day that when he does telephone service/rehabs that when he is listening to an active alcoholic/drug addict they explain their problem with alcohol/drugs and then comes the BUT...

BUT I am different to other people, this is why I drink, I drink because of my terrible depression, I drink because of my parents death, i drink because of my child abuse etcetc. This is all denial at work and one of the most powerfull elements of addiciton is denial.

I used to use the "excuse" that I would drink to alleviate the depression I felt and that I 'had' to drink to pick my mood up at certain times otherwise I would go down even lower etcetcetc.

I struggled with the fact that I believed drink/drugs was a part of the rock n' roll/wild person that I thought I wanted. read my posts from a couple of weeks ago to see how I struggled. But I kept posting on SR and got myself to meetings and met fellow alcoholics and most of all I didn't pick up that first drink. I am so gratefull for that because if I did I would be back where you are now Sara. I don;t say this disrespectfully to you at all either.

You weren't born drinking booze so it ain't essential that you need it to survive no-matter what your addiction may whisper in your ear....


All the best.
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Old 12-13-2009, 08:09 AM
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congrats neomarxist on your great mood. glad to see you found some tools that are helping you. i do remember your posts from a couple of weeks ago and am glad that things are going well for you.
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Old 12-13-2009, 09:48 AM
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Thanks man. Hope things are going well for you too!

peace xxx
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Old 12-13-2009, 10:31 AM
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Neo - I too am glad to see that you got through your rough patch (in your thinking) a couple of weeks ago. I agree that 100% acceptance makes it so much better. You just no longer have to spend any emotional energy trying to convince yourself otherwise. I am really happy for you.
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Old 12-13-2009, 10:38 AM
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Thanks NewMe11109!! This lack of thanks button is certainly increasing my post count!! haha. Though I guess it's nice to personally thank people in the form of a message too!

It suddenly struck me today that everything to do with recovery/alcoholism/life in general is all merely thoughts in my mind that cannot be measured/priceless. Kind of a Eureka moment! LOL.

I suddenly felt what people mean when they say that you can't put a price on 'peace of mind'. I always used to buy into that philosophy but had never truly comprehended the meaning of it. I am starting to "get" what they mean "one day at a time"

Thanks for your post and continued support.

Peace xxx
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