PainandSuffering
On my path.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Home
Posts: 330
PainandSuffering
My therapist gives me weekly challenges. Two of the challenges for this week were 1. to find, register and post to this site and 2. to contemplate pain and suffering.
The more I think about pain and suffering the more fascinated I am by them.
Pain is so purposeful. It is a warning that something has gone wrong, an injury has occured. It is a call for action.
Suffering is not purposeful at all. Suffering is caused by an unhealthy or nonproductive response to pain. It is maladaptive.
We all have real pain, we all do not necessarily have suffering.
Today I had a long wait in line at SuperAmerica because the change-making machine was broken and the clerk did not know how to make change. The real pain was I had to wait. One healthy response would be to remain calm, see how minor this really was and recognize that it would have very little impact on my day. Or another healthy active response might be to sign up as a volunteer math tutor at our local school.
My response - I wanted to slam my stuff on the counter and storm out. Instead I sighed loudly and rolled my eyes at the woman ahead of me. Stared down the clerk.
My suffering now is that I am embarrassed. I made a bad situation worse. I may have caused the clerk embarrassment and that would probably make him nervous and then it might take even longer for him to make change in his new flustered state.
I had an indignant, egotistical, exaggerated response that resulted in suffering. I think I do this more often than I am happy to admit. This doesn't just hurt me. I hurt my family, my relationships and my health when I choose to suffer. And I really do think that it is a choice.
It is my perception that causes these sufferings and they can accumulate into a destructive force.
What do you think?
The more I think about pain and suffering the more fascinated I am by them.
Pain is so purposeful. It is a warning that something has gone wrong, an injury has occured. It is a call for action.
Suffering is not purposeful at all. Suffering is caused by an unhealthy or nonproductive response to pain. It is maladaptive.
We all have real pain, we all do not necessarily have suffering.
Today I had a long wait in line at SuperAmerica because the change-making machine was broken and the clerk did not know how to make change. The real pain was I had to wait. One healthy response would be to remain calm, see how minor this really was and recognize that it would have very little impact on my day. Or another healthy active response might be to sign up as a volunteer math tutor at our local school.
My response - I wanted to slam my stuff on the counter and storm out. Instead I sighed loudly and rolled my eyes at the woman ahead of me. Stared down the clerk.
My suffering now is that I am embarrassed. I made a bad situation worse. I may have caused the clerk embarrassment and that would probably make him nervous and then it might take even longer for him to make change in his new flustered state.
I had an indignant, egotistical, exaggerated response that resulted in suffering. I think I do this more often than I am happy to admit. This doesn't just hurt me. I hurt my family, my relationships and my health when I choose to suffer. And I really do think that it is a choice.
It is my perception that causes these sufferings and they can accumulate into a destructive force.
What do you think?
hypercube
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 306
Interesting post, thanks.
Ultimately, yes. I'm working on detaching in situations that cause suffering, not in the sense that I run away mentally or emotionally, but to create the distance and clarity I need to examine my thoughts and feelings - to think before I react.
It is my perception that causes these sufferings and they can accumulate into a destructive force.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
I don't know for sure what you mean by saying it is your perception that causes your suffering.
It is your self-centeredness.
The world has to move at your speed, people have to do things the way you think they should do them. That must cause you a lot of pain and suffering, I know, Been there done that....
Mark
It is your self-centeredness.
The world has to move at your speed, people have to do things the way you think they should do them. That must cause you a lot of pain and suffering, I know, Been there done that....
Mark
On my path.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Home
Posts: 330
Box3 - yes, taking the time to think before acting is key. It can change my reactions into actions and limit suffering.
Mark - you are correct this morning I was in a very self-centered place. There is not much peace there.
Mark - you are correct this morning I was in a very self-centered place. There is not much peace there.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Jimmie Dale Gilmore, a recovered singer songwriter, made a wonderful entry at NPR's This I Believe...
I cannot claim to consistently live up to this ideal, but it is with genuine gratitude that I can say I have come to believe the words of the Indian philosopher-poet Shantideva:
"All the joy the world contains / Has come through wishing happiness for others. / All the misery the world contains / Has come through wanting pleasure for oneself."
You can read his essay at...
All the Joy the World Contains : NPR
Mark
I cannot claim to consistently live up to this ideal, but it is with genuine gratitude that I can say I have come to believe the words of the Indian philosopher-poet Shantideva:
"All the joy the world contains / Has come through wishing happiness for others. / All the misery the world contains / Has come through wanting pleasure for oneself."
You can read his essay at...
All the Joy the World Contains : NPR
Mark
hypercube
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 306
No problem, my cubile friend.
I see it like this: perception is how you see yourself and the world, if your perception is consistently turned inwards and you have no means of perspective you are, by default, self-centered. This isn't always a negative thing, i.e. introversion is no worse than extroversion.
IMO, the beauty of perception is that it's subjective and you may, of course, disagree.
I see it like this: perception is how you see yourself and the world, if your perception is consistently turned inwards and you have no means of perspective you are, by default, self-centered. This isn't always a negative thing, i.e. introversion is no worse than extroversion.
IMO, the beauty of perception is that it's subjective and you may, of course, disagree.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
AWordADay's quote today was very apropro to your post. The quote was this: "We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey." by Kenji Miyazawa
I must add that I am 'not' good with pain. I've always tried to mask it or get rid of it, but that quote really made sense to me this morning.
I must add that I am 'not' good with pain. I've always tried to mask it or get rid of it, but that quote really made sense to me this morning.
On my path.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Home
Posts: 330
cubesquared and least
Our perceptions and perspectives are in constant flux. That is why we have acronyms like HALT. There are times when we are able to predict our own weakness. For me one time of weakness is in the morning when I am running late.
The more we understand these times the better we will be at protecting ourselves from suffering. We will be alert and proactive in preventing getting stuck in our own self-centered drives.
Love the quotes.
Our perceptions and perspectives are in constant flux. That is why we have acronyms like HALT. There are times when we are able to predict our own weakness. For me one time of weakness is in the morning when I am running late.
The more we understand these times the better we will be at protecting ourselves from suffering. We will be alert and proactive in preventing getting stuck in our own self-centered drives.
Love the quotes.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
I used to be like that too. In fact, I could have written your original post. I had no patience at all when I was trying to get something done. Many times, I spoke too soon and regretted what I said.
Learning to have patience was a huge step for me. I think the fact that you are aware of your actions and the fallout from your actions is a positive step.
Learning to have patience was a huge step for me. I think the fact that you are aware of your actions and the fallout from your actions is a positive step.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 159
least - I read that quote this morning too, and it stuck with me. Can't remember the word of the day though. 
It's interesting to think of pain as a positive call to action, or as a fuel. One generally thinks of pain as something you have to go through, to go past, not to use. Better than wallowing in it I suppose. Still trying to work this one out though.
It's interesting to think of pain as a positive call to action, or as a fuel. One generally thinks of pain as something you have to go through, to go past, not to use. Better than wallowing in it I suppose. Still trying to work this one out though.
On my path.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Home
Posts: 330
We all have pain. Pain is universal. Suffering is not. Suffering is a choice.
Whether I choose suffering instead of growth caused by a painful experience is sometimes determined by my state of mind/perspective.
Whether I choose suffering instead of growth caused by a painful experience is sometimes determined by my state of mind/perspective.
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