Newbie From NZ... Rant...Sorry
 

Hi
I've been lurkeing around this forum for the last few days until I felt brave enough to post.
I had been going to AA and had 18 months sober under my belt before I got a case of the '1 more won't hurt' and got plastered.
I am now only 3 days sober after a bender at my partners Firefighting Xmas party. I know I embarressed him and worse of all we met up with his boss and workmates in town (it's a small town) and I embarressed myself by flirting with his boss. By that time though my partner had gone home and I was out on my own.
Im just so sick of this. I hate it. I know for a fact that I am slowly knocking days off my lifespan when I drink not to mention the guilt, intense paranioa, suicidal tendancies and severe anxiety that hits me in the days after.
I work 2 nights a week and can't go to AA anymore as I have 2 kids and my partner also has firefighting training etc. AA is only on 1 day a week here and I can't make it that night.
Before the other night I was having really cold feet about getting married to my partner in April 2010 but I know he is the one for me as he is my best friend. Im just scared I have screwed things up and I keep waiting for him to realise that he deserves so much better than me.
Anyway, just wanted to introduce myself really.
Im Andrea and I'm an alcoholic.

Hi Andrea

Always good to see another person from my corner of the world - I'm an Aussie.

I don't know how to get around the AA thing - but if it were me and it worked for 18 months I'd really find a way to go again - day meetings maybe, somewhere?

We have some NZ links here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post2428673

and quite a few Kiwis too - I hope you find something here at SR that helps :)

Welcome!
D

Hi Andrea and welcome to SR from another Kiwi :)

It sounds to me like you've got a lot on your plate-your job, your kids, your marriage next year etc.I can understand how with you recently relapsing it can all feel like too much.

All I really want to suggest to you is to focus for now on your sobriety.I found once I did that, the rest kinda unfolded.That said are you aware what triggered you to drink again after 18 months? It's been really important to me to look at what sets me off and sometimes it can be the smallest of things.Our alcoholic voice lies in wait though as you said and a big part of staying sober for me has been to accept I can never have 'just one' again.It always ended up being 20....

Anyway-I really just wanted to say hi and let you know you're not alone.We understand the guilt and remorse after drinking.It can be tough sometimes.Keep posting.There's a ton of support to be found here and I hope you use it.

Kia kaha! (that's 'be strong' for you un-Kiwi people-lol) :)

Jules

Glad you decided to join us.....:wave:
Welcome to our recovery comunity

Blessings to the four of you...:hug:

Welcome to SR Andrea :Xmasvstar

Welcome to SR Andrea, congrats on the 18 months of sobriety, do you have a sponsor? Did you take the steps with your sponsor?

My name is Martin and I am an alcoholic, I know for me there is no way in the world I could have stayed sober for even a month on just meetings alone, I had a sponsor (Temporary) from the first day I went to AA after getting out of detox, I went to meetings every day and called my sponsors and others daily and after 2 months of basically meetings and calling folks in AA I still came very close to relapsiing, a phone called I made stopped me from drinking that day.

I spoke with my sponsor and other old timers, they told me that if I wanted a good chance at long term sobriety to take the steps with my sponsor. I began taking the steps with my sponsor immediately, in less about a month of taking the steps my obsession for even a single drink was lifted.

Since completeing the steps and applying them daily to all areas of my life all of the promises in the BB have either been fullfilled or are in the process of being fullfilled. I sponsor other men today which keep all of fresh to me.

If you do have a sponsor why not give her a call, if you don't why not call some one in AA you know and ask about a sponsor. One can have a sponsor and take the steps without attending meetings. You know all it takes to start a new AA meeting in your area is 2 alcoholics and a coffee pot.

Welcome to SR Andrea! I'm glad you joined us! (((hugs)))