Down in the Dumper
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 49
Down in the Dumper
As many of you know me, you know that I struggle with whether I should be here or not. You know that my wife was managing the sale of our home on the east coast and I am in San Diego. We had a pretty good vacation in late September, but I am very fearful that the year and half of living apart has taken its toll on us. The plan was to sell and move back here to SD. Now she is not sure she wants to do that or has a cross country move in her. I still love her immensely and she says the same thing of me, but my friends are like "if she was into you, she would have been out here by now". So on top of all the heartache of living apart and when I started down a slippery slope, I now have the potential not being with her anymore. Its really got me down. I have honored this marriage for the time we have been apart and never put myself in a position to compromise it. I have lived like a hermit. I have one best pal but he is not the deepest guy and doesn't understand. I know that the support here in SR is awesome, so I thought I would ask for some. I am dealing with it one day at a time. I have done OK managing drink for the most part, I still mainly drink on the weekends.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi Jerry,
Being an ex-military wife, I know how difficult long separations are on a marriage. It's difficult to hold things together and to keep the marriage strong. I think you need to have a heart-to-heart discussion with your wife and for both of you to talk about the situation.
Being an ex-military wife, I know how difficult long separations are on a marriage. It's difficult to hold things together and to keep the marriage strong. I think you need to have a heart-to-heart discussion with your wife and for both of you to talk about the situation.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 49
We did do that last week. Basically, the end result was to take 2 months for me to see if I could find happiness without the marriage being in the forefront of my mind and for her to make the determination if she is willing to come to SD. I have a career here that is going pretty well, she has a good job, but has maxed out her position, so from a financial perspective it makes sense to have her come here. Our marriage is like most, we have our idiosyncrasies etc that make life difficult at times. She is not much of a drinker but I do that well enough for the both of us. She is a survivor and that has prevented her from putting me first in her life. She has a tendency to isolation.
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