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advice?

Old 12-04-2009, 06:14 PM
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advice?

hi everyone,

on day 80 something, lost track - quit on 9/9/9. :-)

sobriety is treating me well and good things have come into my life since i quit, including a new job which i started in mid-november.

here's my question: the job that i left, i did not leave on good terms. my boss didn't like me, didn't think i was working to capacity (which i wasn't given that i was hungover 80% of the time) and he basically tried to squeeze me out by making my life hell. here's the thing though. i'm still in the same field and so i have to see my old boss once a week at these committee meetings. my new bosses are aware of 'tensions' between he and i and i have no idea what he's told them about me but i can only imagine that none of it is good. so what i'm wondering is, should i write my old boss a letter, and basically explain some of the reasons for the my not-so-great behaviour (one of his issues with me was that i had a history of being pretty 'edgy' with some of my co-workers, the ones that rubbed me the wrong way) - basically i'm wondering if i should 'come out' to my ex-boss as an alcoholic. (one who is now in recovery).

i would probably do it and not even ask but the thing is, i just don't trust the guy. i don't want to make myself vulnerable to him. yet i feel it might be helpful if he knew the reason for some of my behaviour in the past - of course i'm also hoping that this information would make him stop bad-mouthing me to my new bosses. but maybe it would actually backfire, who knows - that's the thing, i don't trust him.

i have drafted a letter and kept it short and factual but i don't know if i should send it to him or not.

thoughts? suggestions?

thanks everyone!
888pancakes
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Old 12-04-2009, 06:23 PM
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Any time I try to 'control' stuff it usually backfires, Pancakes - if it were me, I'd let sleeping dogs lie and move on.

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Old 12-04-2009, 06:26 PM
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I wouldn't send it if it were up to me. But that's just me.
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Old 12-04-2009, 06:27 PM
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the finest thing you can do - is continue improving every time he sees you.

worrying about what others might be thinking or saying ....will drive us to drink.

continue what you're doing to stay sober,
enjoy the new job ....

when time comes to speak to this guy
it'll be right in your face and you'll have no dobut
he was placed there for you to peak to him.
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Old 12-04-2009, 06:29 PM
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My opinion is that if you don't trust him, don't tell him. Even it would make you vulnerable, don't let him use it. Wouldn't he just go and tell your new boss? Have you considered talking to your new boss and letting him know that you have made positive changes in your life (not saying anything specific) and that you appreciate your new position and opportunity? In other words, put a positive spin on it to your new bosses, without specifying what the problem was.
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Old 12-05-2009, 12:12 AM
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Well....it's been my business experience
sometimes there are personality conflicts that have
nothing to do with addiction.

You might well be overly senstive .I

Show the new one how productive you are
let the old one think he was incorrect......

Way to go on your sobriety
Congratulations on the new job....
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Old 12-05-2009, 12:48 AM
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It can be difficult to change someone's opinion, especially after such a relatively short time. Go with your gut - if you think he might use it against you, he probably will. Enjoy your new opportunities and don't worry about it too much. Your actions will speak for themselves. As for what he may have told your new bosses - they hired you, didn't they? They obviously saw something in you that he didn't, and at some point down the road he'll smack himself for being so shortsighted.
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Old 12-05-2009, 12:57 AM
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I'm with everyone here... if you don't trust him, well. There it is.

It *can* backfire--happened to me lately, not quite the same scenario--and some people just like taking information and twisting it to their will, regardless of the outcome for others. Sad but unfortunately true. And you already are getting a bad feeling about this... write it, don't send it, I'd suggest.

(Of course what I described is not all people, before I get yelled at--some people are genuinely concerned and supportive when told the reasons why someone is less than productive--that has also happened to me.)

Take care,
TB
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Old 12-05-2009, 08:27 AM
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hi everyone,

thanks for all the valuable feedback, much appreciated. i think i'll not send it - at least for the time being - and possibly forever ;-) it's true that i've been getting lots of positive feedback from my new bosses so they'll see over time that they haven't anything to worry about.

thanks again for all the input!

888
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Old 12-05-2009, 12:54 PM
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I find it funny you quit on 9/9/09 and your name is 888 pancake.....lol.

Here's my take, for what it is worth......I think sometimes we have what is called the spotlight effect.....we think everyone is keyed into us........we have so much going on in our heads and we think everyone can hear it and knows all......I think most people could really give a sh$%. They are too caught up into their own stuff......you aren't in the spotlight and perhaps your boss has "moved on." I am in a similar situation........I am currently on seasonal layoff and not sure he will hire me back......thought about taking him to breakfast or something and explaining things........but then I thought harder and decided to just try and prove myself again.........moral of the story? Don't hand out the ammo.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
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Old 12-05-2009, 01:18 PM
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i'm with 51anna on this one. the past really isn't any of his business but it could never hurt to explain to your boss that you're appreciative of your new position and that some of the positive changes you've recently made in your life will make you a stronger and more focused employee. supervisors like hearing that kind of thing. i should know. i'm a supervisor.
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Old 12-05-2009, 01:38 PM
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I wouldn't send it - especially if you don't trust him. Some people are fine with info like this, but others can use it in negative ways which early in sobriety you don't need.
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