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I've got to do something...

Old 12-04-2009, 06:56 AM
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I've got to do something...

I drink every night until I black out, and I feel like a total loser.

I am the mother of a three year old and a two month old. I have a good marriage and a successful career. I function perfectly fine on a daily basis, often excelling at whatever I take on. Rarely do I neglect anything, even housework. People would never suspect that I have a problem.

I didn't drink during either of my pregnancies. Both times after giving birth, I thought I could go back to drinking normally, and both times, I was wrong.

My kids deserve better, but even my love for them hasn't kept me sober for more than a few days at a time.

I've decided to quit for 30 days and go from there.
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Old 12-04-2009, 07:00 AM
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Welcome!

I'm glad you found us. There is lots of support here, so keep posting and reading.
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Old 12-04-2009, 07:06 AM
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mergirl
 
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Welcome! Quitting while your children are so young is a great decision. Both of my parents drank heavily during my childhood, and I repeated the mistake by marrying a drunk and being one until my "baby" was 22. Alcohol has a devastating effect on children and families, your children will be so much better off with a sober mommy.
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Old 12-04-2009, 07:09 AM
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welcome to the family Lost , Were glad you found us , 30 days one day at a time just dont drink for today ..
Your right you kids do deserve to have a sober mum . We gotta sober up for ourselfs not for another .. its part of how it works .. again welcome Huggles Endzy
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Old 12-04-2009, 07:34 AM
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My children are ages 6 and 3. Until 37 days ago, I was drinking myself into a blackout almost on a nightly basis. I knew my children deserved better than that and that they needed their mommy to be sober and to be able to keep them safe while in my care. However, it wasn't until I came out of my last blackout that I realized (a "moment of clarity," perhaps) that I deserve better than that, that I needed to be sober, lest I die from this disease; that I am worthy of a better fate than dying as a drunk. In other words, nothing, not even my love for my children, could get/keep me sober. When it comes to my sobriety, I have to put my HP and self above all else.

Take it One Day at a Time! I'm glad you posted.
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Old 12-04-2009, 08:40 AM
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I was lucky in that respect, that my sons were grown up when I started drinking until I passed out every night. I have fallen out of bed, I have fallen face first in the middle of the night, yet if it wouldn't have been for a bloody painful face or bruises all over, I would not have known it happened. You are so brave and wise to make that decision now, before you will become what I was with little children to care for. All the best and welcome.
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Old 12-04-2009, 09:09 AM
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Welcome to SR and congrats on your decision to life a sober life. Your kids will never know what it's like to live in an alcoholic family.
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Old 12-04-2009, 11:20 AM
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Good luck, lostmyway. Remember that you only have to not drink for 24 hours at a time. Not for the rest of your life. Not for the holidays. You only have to not drink today. Part of this time you will be sleeping, eating, playing with your children, etc.
You can do it for 24 hours. Good luck and God bless you for realizing that you need help.
You deserve it. John in Oklahoma
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Old 12-04-2009, 12:11 PM
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Welcome,

I am so glad you posted. Wait until you see how wonderful you feel in your new sober life, it is so empowering! Now you can do anything....the only thing you can't do is drink. One day at a time.

Do you have any support? Have you thought about seeking out a program such as AA? Keep reading here, there is so much great information and support!

My best to you,

BA
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Old 12-04-2009, 02:26 PM
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Thank you for the support, especially from the moms. It helps to know that there are others who have been in the same situation. Most of the time I feel very alone...I don't know how common it is to be a mom with a drinking problem, but there are days I definitely feel like I am the only one.

Maybe someone could offer their thoughts on this...I have been to AA meetings off and on for the past eight years. I had a sponsor at one point, and (though I'm sure it wasn't intentional) she kind of turned me off to AA. Throughout our conversations I learned that she was not actually an alcoholic, but had started attending meetings because she had another compulsive type behavior that required a 12 step program. I had revealed a lot to her and ended up feeling disappointed, like she didn't really know what I was going through, and then I just kind of lost faith in AA altogether.
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Old 12-04-2009, 02:41 PM
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Hi Lostmyway. Welcome to SR! I'm yet another mom that is an alcoholic. Don't beat yourself up because you are a mom and that you are an alcoholic. You are a person that is an alcoholic. Alcoholics come from all walks of life and from all types of backgrounds.

Give yourself a few points for trying to become sober because not everyone that is an alcoholic wants to become sober. Give yourself a point for thinking of the effect that alcoholism may have on yourself and your loved ones. Give yourself a point for chasing after recovery.

See - you are a a very good person and because you are a good person you deserve to live a long and healthy life. Your children get a happy, contented and sober mom and you get yourself back before the alcohol took over.

I did the beat yourself up bit about being a mom that drank and then realized that was just holding me down. Its part of the alcoholism to degrade yourself and make you feel you don't deserve any better. Also, I decided to get sober because of my son and then I started thinking "Well, when he is moved out then I can try this drinking stuff again." Ha! Wrong!!! That is when the light bulb turned on and I realized I had to dig deeper and become sober for a better purpose. That is not to say that my son is not a great reason, BUT he cannot be the only reason. I got sober because I wanted to live life and I want to live a long and healthy life! I want to participate in life and get and give the most I possibly can.

So there you go. LOL! As far as AA, I'm not much help. Went many years ago but was too young and bullheaded to take from it what I needed. I went back out and got sober again at age 41. I would love to say this it and it will be if I keep working at it.
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Old 12-04-2009, 02:49 PM
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Hi lostmyway

Welcome to SR..I think you'll find a lot of people here have similar stories. You're not alone.

Do try the 30 day thing, let us know how it goes - keep posting
D
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Old 12-04-2009, 05:34 PM
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Your sponsor probably meant well, but heres my twist:
After 8 months sober without attending AA, I started dating a guy in the program which made me even more curious about it. He gave me my big book.

He turned out to be not a good example of rigorous honesty haha, but rather than let my first AA hypocrite turn me away, I just figure "life's lessons" right?

I still go, and have lots of people I like there, but I do keep in mind that their are creeps everywhere=)
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Old 12-04-2009, 06:22 PM
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Lost - sorry about that first AA experience, but please give it another try.

I've never thought to ask my sponsor "are you an alcoholic", so that is a new one.

Anyhow, you are just like the rest of us. Many of us drank in private. We thought that no one knew about our problem. But, as I get longer in my sobriety, I learn that more people knew than I thought.

And, my kids knew. Although they couldn't verbalize it, they knew.

Today, they like me a lot better.

Just don't drink today. Don't worry about tomorrow or next week or next month.

Glad you are here.
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Old 12-04-2009, 07:20 PM
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Another mom here sober since 11/15/09...doing it one day at a time as well...my daughter is also under 3 so I know how it is...try AA...you will find lots of support here also you are by far not the only one-there are lots of us!
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Old 12-04-2009, 11:56 PM
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Welcome....glad you joined us...

How strange....a woman sponsoring in AA who is not
an alcoholic. I've never heard of that...and I'm an
active AA member with 20 years of recovery.

If you do decide to use AA again....I suggest you get
"Questions & Answers on Sponsorship"
It's usually on the free literature rack at meetings.

All my best to you and your family....
Keep posting with us....we have lots of info and support.
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